How One Woman Changed the World

It's been a long time since I've shared something from one of the dozens of E-mails I get every day, but once in a while, I run across something that is so special, I feel like I need to share it with you. This E-mail is from Pam Young, one of the original Slob Sisters who first inspired Flylady (if you don't know who Flylady is, you really need to know - go to Flylady.com and find out). She now runs a website called the Brat Factor that is dedicated to those inner Brats in our heads who want to run the show and not do the things we all know we should be doing.

On Saturday my husband Terry and I had the privilege of having Candace Lightner (I think she went by Candy when you would have heard of her) to our home for dinner. Candace is the founder of MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving. She and Terry were in real estate together in Sacramento when her 13-year-old daughter was killed by a hit and run drunk driver. In my estimation Candice Lightner changed the behavior of our society!

I remember the Oregonian had a front-page story about what she was doing. A grieving mom used her personal tragedy to illicit change in our legal system’s leniency in sentencing drunks who drive and kill. I was dating a lawyer.

“Yikes, this is gonna change a lot of personal behavior in the legal community,” my attorney date said as we sipped glasses of wine in a restaurant in downtown Portland.

“Legal community?”

“Yeah attorneys and judges.”

“How will this change them?”

“Well, just last month I was at the court house at a party, all attorneys and judges and a few paralegals and the booze was flowing and somebody got out a breathalyzer and everyone started blowing into it to see who could get the highest blood alcohol number.”

“And?”

“And, then we partied, laughed, drank more and all drove home.

“Even the winner?”

“Yep.”

Candace put a stop to (or at least a pretty big plug in that kind of behavior and today most of the people I know are conscientious about not drinking and driving!

As moms we know that Candace’s tragedy is our worst nightmare! I have great respect for what she was able to accomplish and I was happy to meet her and see that she made it through her grief. I can report she was dressed all the way to shoes, had make-up on, cute hair, jewelry, she smelled good and laughed easily (all the things I didn’t think I would be able to do if such a terrible thing would happen to me).

Yesterday was Sidetracked Home Executives anniversary. Peggy and I decided to change our behavior on June 16, 1977 and I am humbled to think our decision has made a ripple in the lives of millions; maybe not the Candace Lightner caliber of ripple, but still a ripple that will continue after we’re gone.

So here is my simplistic estimation of how change happens.

You don’t like your situation: a messy house, a stressful relationship, indebtedness or an out-of-shape body, just to name a few.

First, realize that your situation was created over time and it’s going to take time to change it. Second, in order to change your situation, realize you have to change your behavior that created the situation. In order to change your behavior, you have to change the thinking that was behind the behavior. In order to change the thinking behind the behavior you have to be aware of those thoughts that created the behavior that created the situation.

So, if you want to change your life, you must change your thinking, but by the time you are up to your neck in a situation you don’t like, the thoughts that created the behavior (and ultimately the situation) are a habit and you don’t even realize you’ve been thinking them. The good news is that you can change a habit (even if it’s a “thinking” habit! Start catching your thoughts before they get you to do something that will sabotage your good intentions. Thought by thought you will gradually get into a habit of new behavior that will produce the situations you dream of.



Please visit our website at www.thebratfactor.com.

Just some quick hints

When you are cooking, run a sink full of warm soapy water first. Then you can rinse the pots and pans and either set them on the counter to dry, or pop them in the dish washer for more thorough cleaning.

This is a good idea for mail. I saw one of my BO friends doing this. When her bills or other important mail comes in, she takes a big black Sharpie and writes all the info on the back of the envelope. Something like "Electric bill -due 10/15" or "Car Registration". Then she puts them into a basket. That way she just flip through the basket to tell what bills are due without having to search through the envelopes. I thought that was a great idea!

I keep a "sock orphanage" down in my laundry room. Then when I have mismatched socks, I toss them in there. Every month or so, I dig through it and see if I've got any matches. Eventually, I'll throw them out, but I'm always hopeful I'll find that missing sock....

We watch movies - a LOT! And my guys are terrible about putting them back in the cases. So every so often I'll gather up a whole stack of them that are laying around and I put them into the closet for a "time out". I'll even put a note on them "In time out until October 20th". Nobody dares touch them and it makes them get better about putting them away - for a while anyway.

I have been known to put notes on the counters or on the kitchen table. "You may NOT leave dirty dishes here - you need to put them in the dishwasher. If it needs to be emptied - JUST DO IT". I can nag and nag and they just tune me out, but strangely enough, they'll mind the notes - again for a while. They tune them out after a week or two, but it does help.

One of my clients came up with a great idea this week. When you're feeling low on motivation for a chore, persuade your husband to bribe you. Say something like - if I clean out this closet today, will you take me out to dinner? If he wants more room in the the closet, he's likely to agree and then you have a reward to motivate you to do the chore. Hey, bribery WORKS! Let it work for you instead of against you! Plus you get a nice dinner with your husband.

When your teenagers won't clean their rooms, "offer" to clean it for them, maybe even insist on it if they don't do it themselves by a certain time. Most teenagers are so big on their precious PRIVACY, they would rather DIE than have you touching their stuff.

Oh, here's a naughty one, but it's funny! When you get really mad at your husband - go shopping. With the TV remote in your purse! He'll go crazy looking everywhere for hours. Then you slip it out and just leave it somewhere and say, Oh it was right over here all the time....

Drowning in Clutter?

Think about some of the words you use to describe your clutter.  Do you ever say you are buried in junk, drowning in clutter, or suffocated by your stuff?  Why do we say stuff like that?  It's not just a saying, that's the way clutter really affects us. 

Besides being bad for your self-esteem, excessive clutter really affects your state of mind and adds to your stress level.  It's just impossible to relax fully when you're in a very cluttered room.  Take a moment and look around the room you're in while you're reading this.  Is it clean or cluttered?  How does it make you feel?  Take a moment and imagine how you would feel if it were more clean or more cluttered?  My guess is that you would be more anxious and stressed if it was more messy and more relaxed and peaceful if it was clean.  Your mind just works that way.  Your eye is always looking for clear and uncluttered surfaces to rest on and your brain is always subconsciously trying to remind you of tasks and chores you should be doing. 

Is your peace of mind worth a few 15 minute cleanups?  I would think it would be.  I know when I get on the ball and keep my house looking nice, I definitely notice an improvement in my mood and also in my family's mood.  My kids tend to get along better, and my husband is less likely to be grouchy.  To me, that's well worth a few minutes a day of extra cleaning!