A Word About Expectations

I've been thinking a lot about expectations lately. I really think that expectations have a greater importance than we realize. One thing that really fascinates me are those stories where you hear about some inner city school that has been turned around in some dramatic way. There have been so many variations of that story, but I think it has some basic components.

They start with a bunch of beaten-down kids that no one ever expects can do anything. Then some leader comes in with a totally different idea than these kids have ever seen. He (or she) has a true belief that these kids can accomplish anything set before them. Then with a little hard work and discipline, these kids totally kick it into gear and not only outperform their peers, they even outperform the so-called good kids.

There have been tons of movies about situations like this - Remember the Titans, Hoosiers, Lean on Me, Stand by Me, etc. No wonder, it's a very inspiring story. In some way, it's kind of the American story. A bunch of religious rejects come over here in a boat, and 100 or so years later, we're the most prosperous nation in the world.

In this model, I think the expectations piece, is the most important part of the puzzle. The leader has to have that expectation that the people under his command can accomplish something really wonderful, and he has to believe that strongly enough to make the people being led believe it to.

So, who is the leader in your house? Well, when it comes to house cleaning, you are. Surprise! Right or wrong, the woman is nearly always the one who sets the tone for how the house is kept (or not!). So, whether you think you applied for the position or not, you are the leader - yes you! So, what are your expectations?

Well, first let's define what expectations are. Obviously, they are what you EXPECT. Now what you hope for or what you are wishing for, or what you are planning for in the future. In a way they are your standards. They are literally what you will or will not stand for both from yourself and from others.

So, what are your expectations for yourself? Will you stand for? Will you stand for living in a messy, cluttered house where you're not happy? Or will you be that inspiring leader who expects more from yourself - and others? Will it take hard work and discipline? Heck ya! But will you end up with something worthwhile in the end? Heck ya!

And what about your family - your kids and your husband, if you have one? Do you hold them to a higher standard, or do you just figure that kids are kids, or that all men are just destined to be slobs? If those are the expectations you have, how likely are these people going to live up to them? Hmmm.

But if you make up your mind that they are bright, capable people who could do a lot better with the right motivation, you might be on the way to having a house full of bright, capable people who might just help you out a bit more around the house. It's worth a try. Now go and watch some of those movies and get some good ideas, you leader you!

The Broken Window Effect

There is something that researchers have discovered that is very important. They call it the broken window effect and here is how they discovered it. They did studies in average middle-class neighborhoods where they would leave something out that could easily be stolen - such as a bike, or an attractive pot of flowers, or a tire pump or something. In some cases, they made sure that the area looked very clean and respectable and in other cases, they would have a broken window or some graffiti on the wall. The numbers were very definitive. In the cases where there some kind of disarray or where it looked like someone had already broken the law in some way, the item was much more likely to be stolen. But in the cases where the area was looking very nice, the rate of crime went down dramatically.

I have to say, stuff like this just fascinates me and I wish more people took it more seriously. If people really understood all this stuff, Mayors and Police Commissioners would spend more money on clean-up crews in the inner city and less on police and probably end up with a much safer place for people to live. I'd love to be able to try an experiment like that.

If you've ever seen the movie Stand By Me, one of the first things the new Principal does is eliminate the graffiti and clean up the conditions at the school and that is one of the factors that creates the good behavior the students start showing.

Now, how can you put that principle to work in your house? If you leave one pair of shoes in the hall, how quickly are they going to be joined by other pairs of shoes? If you leave one dish on the counter, how likely is there to be a pile of them by the end of the day? I really think that clutter breeds more clutter in the same way that ugliness and urban decay increases crime.

So, what's the solution? I think you need to implement a zero tolerance policy in some areas of your home. In my house, for instance, the entryway is off-limits to clutter of any kind. I made a special point of setting up a formal living room right there so that people would see the nicest area of the house the moment they step through the door.

The kids do tend to want to leave clutter there in the form of bookbags, shoes, coats, etc. Or their camping gear when they get home from a trip or something. But it doesn't stay there for very long. The minute I come through the door, if I see stuff that shouldn't be there, I am calling people to come and get their stuff out of there. And if I get that "in a minute, Mom" stuff, I am not at all shy about removing it to the garage, the front yard, or wherever else I deem appropriate. That's how a zero tolerance policy looks.

I don't think you can manage that with the whole house. Like the old saying goes, you have to pick your battles. But there's no reason that you can't designate a couple of high-visibility spots to be your zero tolerance zones. It's just a matter of how many spots you have the time and patience to defend. Because you will have to defend it - more frequently at first as the family tries to sound out how serious you are about the new policy. But if you keep up on it, they'll go along with the program without too much fuss. Try it and see.