You might have noticed that I've been missing in action on this blog lately. Please don't think that I don't love you anymore - I do. It's just that the recession has kind of killed the business side of things. In this yucky economy, I had such a hard time getting ladies to sign up for my in-person classes, so I decided to give it a rest for a while until it gets to a point where people are going to be able to take classes like this again. Or until I get really ambitious and manage to come up with an on-line version of my classes, so I can offer them to the whole blogging world!
So, I will still post ideas from time to time, when I come across something new to share with you, but I won't be posting anything regularly. However, there are a ton of great ideas out there in my older posts and I'd love for you to browse through and take a look at them. They are my gift to you and I hope they help you declutter your house and change your life!
7/17/09
A Word About Expectations
I've been thinking a lot about expectations lately. I really think that expectations have a greater importance than we realize. One thing that really fascinates me are those stories where you hear about some inner city school that has been turned around in some dramatic way. There have been so many variations of that story, but I think it has some basic components.
They start with a bunch of beaten-down kids that no one ever expects can do anything. Then some leader comes in with a totally different idea than these kids have ever seen. He (or she) has a true belief that these kids can accomplish anything set before them. Then with a little hard work and discipline, these kids totally kick it into gear and not only outperform their peers, they even outperform the so-called good kids.
There have been tons of movies about situations like this - Remember the Titans, Hoosiers, Lean on Me, Stand by Me, etc. No wonder, it's a very inspiring story. In some way, it's kind of the American story. A bunch of religious rejects come over here in a boat, and 100 or so years later, we're the most prosperous nation in the world.
In this model, I think the expectations piece, is the most important part of the puzzle. The leader has to have that expectation that the people under his command can accomplish something really wonderful, and he has to believe that strongly enough to make the people being led believe it to.
So, who is the leader in your house? Well, when it comes to house cleaning, you are. Surprise! Right or wrong, the woman is nearly always the one who sets the tone for how the house is kept (or not!). So, whether you think you applied for the position or not, you are the leader - yes you! So, what are your expectations?
Well, first let's define what expectations are. Obviously, they are what you EXPECT. Now what you hope for or what you are wishing for, or what you are planning for in the future. In a way they are your standards. They are literally what you will or will not stand for both from yourself and from others.
So, what are your expectations for yourself? Will you stand for? Will you stand for living in a messy, cluttered house where you're not happy? Or will you be that inspiring leader who expects more from yourself - and others? Will it take hard work and discipline? Heck ya! But will you end up with something worthwhile in the end? Heck ya!
And what about your family - your kids and your husband, if you have one? Do you hold them to a higher standard, or do you just figure that kids are kids, or that all men are just destined to be slobs? If those are the expectations you have, how likely are these people going to live up to them? Hmmm.
But if you make up your mind that they are bright, capable people who could do a lot better with the right motivation, you might be on the way to having a house full of bright, capable people who might just help you out a bit more around the house. It's worth a try. Now go and watch some of those movies and get some good ideas, you leader you!
They start with a bunch of beaten-down kids that no one ever expects can do anything. Then some leader comes in with a totally different idea than these kids have ever seen. He (or she) has a true belief that these kids can accomplish anything set before them. Then with a little hard work and discipline, these kids totally kick it into gear and not only outperform their peers, they even outperform the so-called good kids.
There have been tons of movies about situations like this - Remember the Titans, Hoosiers, Lean on Me, Stand by Me, etc. No wonder, it's a very inspiring story. In some way, it's kind of the American story. A bunch of religious rejects come over here in a boat, and 100 or so years later, we're the most prosperous nation in the world.
In this model, I think the expectations piece, is the most important part of the puzzle. The leader has to have that expectation that the people under his command can accomplish something really wonderful, and he has to believe that strongly enough to make the people being led believe it to.
So, who is the leader in your house? Well, when it comes to house cleaning, you are. Surprise! Right or wrong, the woman is nearly always the one who sets the tone for how the house is kept (or not!). So, whether you think you applied for the position or not, you are the leader - yes you! So, what are your expectations?
Well, first let's define what expectations are. Obviously, they are what you EXPECT. Now what you hope for or what you are wishing for, or what you are planning for in the future. In a way they are your standards. They are literally what you will or will not stand for both from yourself and from others.
So, what are your expectations for yourself? Will you stand for? Will you stand for living in a messy, cluttered house where you're not happy? Or will you be that inspiring leader who expects more from yourself - and others? Will it take hard work and discipline? Heck ya! But will you end up with something worthwhile in the end? Heck ya!
And what about your family - your kids and your husband, if you have one? Do you hold them to a higher standard, or do you just figure that kids are kids, or that all men are just destined to be slobs? If those are the expectations you have, how likely are these people going to live up to them? Hmmm.
But if you make up your mind that they are bright, capable people who could do a lot better with the right motivation, you might be on the way to having a house full of bright, capable people who might just help you out a bit more around the house. It's worth a try. Now go and watch some of those movies and get some good ideas, you leader you!
7/1/09
The Broken Window Effect
There is something that researchers have discovered that is very important. They call it the broken window effect and here is how they discovered it. They did studies in average middle-class neighborhoods where they would leave something out that could easily be stolen - such as a bike, or an attractive pot of flowers, or a tire pump or something. In some cases, they made sure that the area looked very clean and respectable and in other cases, they would have a broken window or some graffiti on the wall. The numbers were very definitive. In the cases where there some kind of disarray or where it looked like someone had already broken the law in some way, the item was much more likely to be stolen. But in the cases where the area was looking very nice, the rate of crime went down dramatically.
I have to say, stuff like this just fascinates me and I wish more people took it more seriously. If people really understood all this stuff, Mayors and Police Commissioners would spend more money on clean-up crews in the inner city and less on police and probably end up with a much safer place for people to live. I'd love to be able to try an experiment like that.
If you've ever seen the movie Stand By Me, one of the first things the new Principal does is eliminate the graffiti and clean up the conditions at the school and that is one of the factors that creates the good behavior the students start showing.
Now, how can you put that principle to work in your house? If you leave one pair of shoes in the hall, how quickly are they going to be joined by other pairs of shoes? If you leave one dish on the counter, how likely is there to be a pile of them by the end of the day? I really think that clutter breeds more clutter in the same way that ugliness and urban decay increases crime.
So, what's the solution? I think you need to implement a zero tolerance policy in some areas of your home. In my house, for instance, the entryway is off-limits to clutter of any kind. I made a special point of setting up a formal living room right there so that people would see the nicest area of the house the moment they step through the door.
The kids do tend to want to leave clutter there in the form of bookbags, shoes, coats, etc. Or their camping gear when they get home from a trip or something. But it doesn't stay there for very long. The minute I come through the door, if I see stuff that shouldn't be there, I am calling people to come and get their stuff out of there. And if I get that "in a minute, Mom" stuff, I am not at all shy about removing it to the garage, the front yard, or wherever else I deem appropriate. That's how a zero tolerance policy looks.
I don't think you can manage that with the whole house. Like the old saying goes, you have to pick your battles. But there's no reason that you can't designate a couple of high-visibility spots to be your zero tolerance zones. It's just a matter of how many spots you have the time and patience to defend. Because you will have to defend it - more frequently at first as the family tries to sound out how serious you are about the new policy. But if you keep up on it, they'll go along with the program without too much fuss. Try it and see.
I have to say, stuff like this just fascinates me and I wish more people took it more seriously. If people really understood all this stuff, Mayors and Police Commissioners would spend more money on clean-up crews in the inner city and less on police and probably end up with a much safer place for people to live. I'd love to be able to try an experiment like that.
If you've ever seen the movie Stand By Me, one of the first things the new Principal does is eliminate the graffiti and clean up the conditions at the school and that is one of the factors that creates the good behavior the students start showing.
Now, how can you put that principle to work in your house? If you leave one pair of shoes in the hall, how quickly are they going to be joined by other pairs of shoes? If you leave one dish on the counter, how likely is there to be a pile of them by the end of the day? I really think that clutter breeds more clutter in the same way that ugliness and urban decay increases crime.
So, what's the solution? I think you need to implement a zero tolerance policy in some areas of your home. In my house, for instance, the entryway is off-limits to clutter of any kind. I made a special point of setting up a formal living room right there so that people would see the nicest area of the house the moment they step through the door.
The kids do tend to want to leave clutter there in the form of bookbags, shoes, coats, etc. Or their camping gear when they get home from a trip or something. But it doesn't stay there for very long. The minute I come through the door, if I see stuff that shouldn't be there, I am calling people to come and get their stuff out of there. And if I get that "in a minute, Mom" stuff, I am not at all shy about removing it to the garage, the front yard, or wherever else I deem appropriate. That's how a zero tolerance policy looks.
I don't think you can manage that with the whole house. Like the old saying goes, you have to pick your battles. But there's no reason that you can't designate a couple of high-visibility spots to be your zero tolerance zones. It's just a matter of how many spots you have the time and patience to defend. Because you will have to defend it - more frequently at first as the family tries to sound out how serious you are about the new policy. But if you keep up on it, they'll go along with the program without too much fuss. Try it and see.
6/25/09
How One Woman Changed the World
It's been a long time since I've shared something from one of the dozens of E-mails I get every day, but once in a while, I run across something that is so special, I feel like I need to share it with you. This E-mail is from Pam Young, one of the original Slob Sisters who first inspired Flylady (if you don't know who Flylady is, you really need to know - go to Flylady.com and find out). She now runs a website called the Brat Factor that is dedicated to those inner Brats in our heads who want to run the show and not do the things we all know we should be doing.
On Saturday my husband Terry and I had the privilege of having Candace Lightner (I think she went by Candy when you would have heard of her) to our home for dinner. Candace is the founder of MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving. She and Terry were in real estate together in Sacramento when her 13-year-old daughter was killed by a hit and run drunk driver. In my estimation Candice Lightner changed the behavior of our society!
I remember the Oregonian had a front-page story about what she was doing. A grieving mom used her personal tragedy to illicit change in our legal system’s leniency in sentencing drunks who drive and kill. I was dating a lawyer.
“Yikes, this is gonna change a lot of personal behavior in the legal community,” my attorney date said as we sipped glasses of wine in a restaurant in downtown Portland.
“Legal community?”
“Yeah attorneys and judges.”
“How will this change them?”
“Well, just last month I was at the court house at a party, all attorneys and judges and a few paralegals and the booze was flowing and somebody got out a breathalyzer and everyone started blowing into it to see who could get the highest blood alcohol number.”
“And?”
“And, then we partied, laughed, drank more and all drove home.
“Even the winner?”
“Yep.”
Candace put a stop to (or at least a pretty big plug in that kind of behavior and today most of the people I know are conscientious about not drinking and driving!
As moms we know that Candace’s tragedy is our worst nightmare! I have great respect for what she was able to accomplish and I was happy to meet her and see that she made it through her grief. I can report she was dressed all the way to shoes, had make-up on, cute hair, jewelry, she smelled good and laughed easily (all the things I didn’t think I would be able to do if such a terrible thing would happen to me).
Yesterday was Sidetracked Home Executives anniversary. Peggy and I decided to change our behavior on June 16, 1977 and I am humbled to think our decision has made a ripple in the lives of millions; maybe not the Candace Lightner caliber of ripple, but still a ripple that will continue after we’re gone.
So here is my simplistic estimation of how change happens.
You don’t like your situation: a messy house, a stressful relationship, indebtedness or an out-of-shape body, just to name a few.
First, realize that your situation was created over time and it’s going to take time to change it. Second, in order to change your situation, realize you have to change your behavior that created the situation. In order to change your behavior, you have to change the thinking that was behind the behavior. In order to change the thinking behind the behavior you have to be aware of those thoughts that created the behavior that created the situation.
So, if you want to change your life, you must change your thinking, but by the time you are up to your neck in a situation you don’t like, the thoughts that created the behavior (and ultimately the situation) are a habit and you don’t even realize you’ve been thinking them. The good news is that you can change a habit (even if it’s a “thinking” habit! Start catching your thoughts before they get you to do something that will sabotage your good intentions. Thought by thought you will gradually get into a habit of new behavior that will produce the situations you dream of.
Please visit our website at www.thebratfactor.com.
On Saturday my husband Terry and I had the privilege of having Candace Lightner (I think she went by Candy when you would have heard of her) to our home for dinner. Candace is the founder of MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving. She and Terry were in real estate together in Sacramento when her 13-year-old daughter was killed by a hit and run drunk driver. In my estimation Candice Lightner changed the behavior of our society!
I remember the Oregonian had a front-page story about what she was doing. A grieving mom used her personal tragedy to illicit change in our legal system’s leniency in sentencing drunks who drive and kill. I was dating a lawyer.
“Yikes, this is gonna change a lot of personal behavior in the legal community,” my attorney date said as we sipped glasses of wine in a restaurant in downtown Portland.
“Legal community?”
“Yeah attorneys and judges.”
“How will this change them?”
“Well, just last month I was at the court house at a party, all attorneys and judges and a few paralegals and the booze was flowing and somebody got out a breathalyzer and everyone started blowing into it to see who could get the highest blood alcohol number.”
“And?”
“And, then we partied, laughed, drank more and all drove home.
“Even the winner?”
“Yep.”
Candace put a stop to (or at least a pretty big plug in that kind of behavior and today most of the people I know are conscientious about not drinking and driving!
As moms we know that Candace’s tragedy is our worst nightmare! I have great respect for what she was able to accomplish and I was happy to meet her and see that she made it through her grief. I can report she was dressed all the way to shoes, had make-up on, cute hair, jewelry, she smelled good and laughed easily (all the things I didn’t think I would be able to do if such a terrible thing would happen to me).
Yesterday was Sidetracked Home Executives anniversary. Peggy and I decided to change our behavior on June 16, 1977 and I am humbled to think our decision has made a ripple in the lives of millions; maybe not the Candace Lightner caliber of ripple, but still a ripple that will continue after we’re gone.
So here is my simplistic estimation of how change happens.
You don’t like your situation: a messy house, a stressful relationship, indebtedness or an out-of-shape body, just to name a few.
First, realize that your situation was created over time and it’s going to take time to change it. Second, in order to change your situation, realize you have to change your behavior that created the situation. In order to change your behavior, you have to change the thinking that was behind the behavior. In order to change the thinking behind the behavior you have to be aware of those thoughts that created the behavior that created the situation.
So, if you want to change your life, you must change your thinking, but by the time you are up to your neck in a situation you don’t like, the thoughts that created the behavior (and ultimately the situation) are a habit and you don’t even realize you’ve been thinking them. The good news is that you can change a habit (even if it’s a “thinking” habit! Start catching your thoughts before they get you to do something that will sabotage your good intentions. Thought by thought you will gradually get into a habit of new behavior that will produce the situations you dream of.
Please visit our website at www.thebratfactor.com.
6/15/09
Just some quick hints
When you are cooking, run a sink full of warm soapy water first. Then you can rinse the pots and pans and either set them on the counter to dry, or pop them in the dish washer for more thorough cleaning.
This is a good idea for mail. I saw one of my BO friends doing this. When her bills or other important mail comes in, she takes a big black Sharpie and writes all the info on the back of the envelope. Something like "Electric bill -due 10/15" or "Car Registration". Then she puts them into a basket. That way she just flip through the basket to tell what bills are due without having to search through the envelopes. I thought that was a great idea!
I keep a "sock orphanage" down in my laundry room. Then when I have mismatched socks, I toss them in there. Every month or so, I dig through it and see if I've got any matches. Eventually, I'll throw them out, but I'm always hopeful I'll find that missing sock....
We watch movies - a LOT! And my guys are terrible about putting them back in the cases. So every so often I'll gather up a whole stack of them that are laying around and I put them into the closet for a "time out". I'll even put a note on them "In time out until October 20th". Nobody dares touch them and it makes them get better about putting them away - for a while anyway.
I have been known to put notes on the counters or on the kitchen table. "You may NOT leave dirty dishes here - you need to put them in the dishwasher. If it needs to be emptied - JUST DO IT". I can nag and nag and they just tune me out, but strangely enough, they'll mind the notes - again for a while. They tune them out after a week or two, but it does help.
One of my clients came up with a great idea this week. When you're feeling low on motivation for a chore, persuade your husband to bribe you. Say something like - if I clean out this closet today, will you take me out to dinner? If he wants more room in the the closet, he's likely to agree and then you have a reward to motivate you to do the chore. Hey, bribery WORKS! Let it work for you instead of against you! Plus you get a nice dinner with your husband.
When your teenagers won't clean their rooms, "offer" to clean it for them, maybe even insist on it if they don't do it themselves by a certain time. Most teenagers are so big on their precious PRIVACY, they would rather DIE than have you touching their stuff.
Oh, here's a naughty one, but it's funny! When you get really mad at your husband - go shopping. With the TV remote in your purse! He'll go crazy looking everywhere for hours. Then you slip it out and just leave it somewhere and say, Oh it was right over here all the time....
6/11/09
Drowning in Clutter?
Think about some of the words you use to describe your clutter. Do you ever say you are buried in junk, drowning in clutter, or suffocated by your stuff? Why do we say stuff like that? It's not just a saying, that's the way clutter really affects us.
Besides being bad for your self-esteem, excessive clutter really affects your state of mind and adds to your stress level. It's just impossible to relax fully when you're in a very cluttered room. Take a moment and look around the room you're in while you're reading this. Is it clean or cluttered? How does it make you feel? Take a moment and imagine how you would feel if it were more clean or more cluttered? My guess is that you would be more anxious and stressed if it was more messy and more relaxed and peaceful if it was clean. Your mind just works that way. Your eye is always looking for clear and uncluttered surfaces to rest on and your brain is always subconsciously trying to remind you of tasks and chores you should be doing.
Is your peace of mind worth a few 15 minute cleanups? I would think it would be. I know when I get on the ball and keep my house looking nice, I definitely notice an improvement in my mood and also in my family's mood. My kids tend to get along better, and my husband is less likely to be grouchy. To me, that's well worth a few minutes a day of extra cleaning!
Besides being bad for your self-esteem, excessive clutter really affects your state of mind and adds to your stress level. It's just impossible to relax fully when you're in a very cluttered room. Take a moment and look around the room you're in while you're reading this. Is it clean or cluttered? How does it make you feel? Take a moment and imagine how you would feel if it were more clean or more cluttered? My guess is that you would be more anxious and stressed if it was more messy and more relaxed and peaceful if it was clean. Your mind just works that way. Your eye is always looking for clear and uncluttered surfaces to rest on and your brain is always subconsciously trying to remind you of tasks and chores you should be doing.
Is your peace of mind worth a few 15 minute cleanups? I would think it would be. I know when I get on the ball and keep my house looking nice, I definitely notice an improvement in my mood and also in my family's mood. My kids tend to get along better, and my husband is less likely to be grouchy. To me, that's well worth a few minutes a day of extra cleaning!
5/31/09
Completing the Cycle
You know, I think what gets us into trouble sometimes is that some jobs have multiple steps - a cleaning cycle, if you will. You don't just get to dump the clothes into the washer and be done with it. You have to wash them, dry them, fold them, and then put them away and if you skip any step in that cycle, you may end up with a wet, smelly, wrinkled mess. Same thing with dishes - you can't just put them in the dishwasher, you have to put soap in, start it, unload it and then start a new cycle.
I think it would help us if we could think of our tasks in terms of the whole cycle instead of just one part of it. When you do laundry, make a commitment to complete the whole cycle. Make a plan, set a timer, delegate part of the cycle, basically do whatever needs to happen to make sure that the chore isn't going to get abandoned in the midst of the cycle. I know that we all have a lot going on and some of us (I mean ME) have some ADD tendencies. But that doesn't excuse you from doing what needs to be done, it just means that you have to work harder at it and that you need to use some extra strategies to make it work for you.
I know a lot of us like checklists. I know I do and I get a ton more done when I take the time to use them. But what do you put on your to-do list? Do you just put do laundry and hope for the best? Wouldn't it be better to put each step of the cycle as a separate but related task? That way you'll be reminded to complete ALL the steps and besides, then you get 3 or 4 check marks instead of just one!
Give it a try and then leave me some comments and tell me how it worked for you. I need some comment lovin' here. I'm starting to feel like I'm just talking to myself!
I think it would help us if we could think of our tasks in terms of the whole cycle instead of just one part of it. When you do laundry, make a commitment to complete the whole cycle. Make a plan, set a timer, delegate part of the cycle, basically do whatever needs to happen to make sure that the chore isn't going to get abandoned in the midst of the cycle. I know that we all have a lot going on and some of us (I mean ME) have some ADD tendencies. But that doesn't excuse you from doing what needs to be done, it just means that you have to work harder at it and that you need to use some extra strategies to make it work for you.
I know a lot of us like checklists. I know I do and I get a ton more done when I take the time to use them. But what do you put on your to-do list? Do you just put do laundry and hope for the best? Wouldn't it be better to put each step of the cycle as a separate but related task? That way you'll be reminded to complete ALL the steps and besides, then you get 3 or 4 check marks instead of just one!
Give it a try and then leave me some comments and tell me how it worked for you. I need some comment lovin' here. I'm starting to feel like I'm just talking to myself!
5/27/09
Hide and Seek
When you lose an item in your house, after you find it, put it back in the 1st place you looked for it. That is it's natural home and if you keep it there, you'll always know where to find it.
There are certain items that get lost all the time, so it's a great idea to establish a regular "home" for them. Keys, for instance, they get lost all the time and you end up with a lot of stress and wasted time looking for them when you want to go somewhere. If you install a hook right inside your door and get in the habit of hanging your keys on it, you'll always know where your keys are. I'm always losing my purse. I have about four different places I leave it in, so I always have a little bit of a hunt for it. I picked just one spot to put it in and I'm training myself to always keep it there. What items do you lose the most frequently?
5/19/09
The Power of the Written Word
Word are very powerful things. Amazingly powerful things. On any given day, you can make or break someone's day simply by praising or criticizing them. We talk so much every day, I think we really underestimate the impact of our words.
However, we all know that there are times when our kids or our husband tunes us out or just ignores things we say. Here's something funny. They may ignore what you say, but the will almost always pay attention to something you have written. Isn't that strange?
I've done this many times. I wish I could say that I'm one of those Moms who puts loving, encouraging notes in the lunch boxes, and creates those wonderful Hallmark moments. But that's just not the way my family rolls. My written words are more likely to be do-to lists or other notes. But the important thing is that they get results.
I will typically leave notes like - This must be put away by 5:00 today. Please sweep and mop the floors today. Please do not leave dishes on the counter. Do not put mail on the table - please put in the mail basket. Or I will leave a honey-do list on the white board and even if I've verbally asked him to do the exact same things, he won't actually do them until I put them on the board. Isn't that weird?
Anyway, give it a try and see how it works for you. And be sure to thank your family when they comply with your requests.
However, we all know that there are times when our kids or our husband tunes us out or just ignores things we say. Here's something funny. They may ignore what you say, but the will almost always pay attention to something you have written. Isn't that strange?
I've done this many times. I wish I could say that I'm one of those Moms who puts loving, encouraging notes in the lunch boxes, and creates those wonderful Hallmark moments. But that's just not the way my family rolls. My written words are more likely to be do-to lists or other notes. But the important thing is that they get results.
I will typically leave notes like - This must be put away by 5:00 today. Please sweep and mop the floors today. Please do not leave dishes on the counter. Do not put mail on the table - please put in the mail basket. Or I will leave a honey-do list on the white board and even if I've verbally asked him to do the exact same things, he won't actually do them until I put them on the board. Isn't that weird?
Anyway, give it a try and see how it works for you. And be sure to thank your family when they comply with your requests.
5/15/09
Money is not for Spending
This is a great essay from Mary Hunt. If you have a spending problem (and I know some of you do), you really want to print this one out and tape it to your mirror or something. I think it's some very powerful information that might really help you to change your ways.
Imagine this: It's Friday, a day you have come to know and love as cake day. You want cake, you love cake and doggone it, you deserve to eat cake. You stop at the store and pick up the ingredients necessary to bake a cake. But even before you can get home, you begin eating the ingredients because you are so hungry for cake you simply cannot help yourself. You gulp a couple of eggs; chew up some butter and sugar; and down a load of flour and cocoa. You pull into the driveway completely disgusted with yourself. You try to hide the evidence but it's all over your face. The worst part: Eating the cake was not nearly as satisfying as you'd dreamed. It was anything but enjoyable. The ingredients for your chocolate cake are gone and now you feel ashamed and embarrassed.
Money is Not for Spending
It took me a long time to fully understand that money is for managing first and then for spending. It takes courage to believe that, but when you do it will profoundly change the way you think about and manage your money.
Imagine this: It's Friday, a day you have come to know and love as cake day. You want cake, you love cake and doggone it, you deserve to eat cake. You stop at the store and pick up the ingredients necessary to bake a cake. But even before you can get home, you begin eating the ingredients because you are so hungry for cake you simply cannot help yourself. You gulp a couple of eggs; chew up some butter and sugar; and down a load of flour and cocoa. You pull into the driveway completely disgusted with yourself. You try to hide the evidence but it's all over your face. The worst part: Eating the cake was not nearly as satisfying as you'd dreamed. It was anything but enjoyable. The ingredients for your chocolate cake are gone and now you feel ashamed and embarrassed.
An absurd analogy for sure, illustrating the foolishness of eating food that has not yet been prepared. The very same ingredients that made you sick could have become a culinary masterpiece had you exposed them to a recipe. Those ingredients were not for eating; they were for preparing first and then for eating.
It is equally foolish and unsatisfying to spend money that has not first been managed. To manage money means to take full possession of it, to subject it to a specific plan and direct it accordingly. It is a matter of creating a season of ownership between receiving and dispersing.
Managing money is a learned discipline, a gratifying process. When money flows into your life, you are responsible for where it goes and how it performs. You are the boss. You can watch it drift out of your control or you can manage it according to a formula that you have developed.
It doesn't matter if you are a single parent struggling to survive with no outside help or the CEO of a prosperous business. You need to know ahead of time exactly how you will manage your money.
No matter your situation--single, married, old, young, whether you're deeply in debt, unemployed or at the top of your career--you need a system through which to process every dime that enters your life. Only then will you fully understand why money is not for spending. It is for managing first, and then for spending.
5/7/09
Declaring Laundry Bankruptcy
I came across this term in an old post on Unclutterer. I think this is such a great concept. Every once in a while, we just get too far behind to catch up. Their suggestion was to pack it all up and take it to the local Fluff & Fold. Even if it costs you a few extra bucks, wouldn't it be great to get caught up once and for all so you can start fresh? And besides, they FLUFF and FOLD it for you, what could be better than that?
Another idea would be to take it all to a self-serve laundromat and stake out a whole bank of washers and dryers. You'd be done in just a couple of hours and the kids would probably think it's a great adventure.
Here's my secret for climbing Mt. Washmore - when I get too overwhelmed with laundry, I do it production-line style. I sort it all into baskets and then I set a timer and put a fresh load in every 40 minutes. Then I sit and watch TV while I fold it. Then I just give everyone their own basket and tell them no one eats until they put it all away! I can usually get caught up in one evening, or one weekend morning.
Another idea would be to take it all to a self-serve laundromat and stake out a whole bank of washers and dryers. You'd be done in just a couple of hours and the kids would probably think it's a great adventure.
Here's my secret for climbing Mt. Washmore - when I get too overwhelmed with laundry, I do it production-line style. I sort it all into baskets and then I set a timer and put a fresh load in every 40 minutes. Then I sit and watch TV while I fold it. Then I just give everyone their own basket and tell them no one eats until they put it all away! I can usually get caught up in one evening, or one weekend morning.
5/1/09
Empowering your Kids
Laura over at Organizing Junkie had a great article, one that really impressed me. It's all about organizing your kids rooms, but it has to do with involving your kids in the process rather than dictating to them or imposing your organization on them. Click HERE to pop over and read it.
4/30/09
Running Your Own Thrift Store?
Do you know what most people's reason for not wanting to get rid of stuff is? They are afraid they won't be able to replace their things in case they change their mind! I mean come on people, this is 2009 and you live in the United States. Unless your item is very rare or very personal, you should be able to replace it very easily.
I mean, look around any thrift store. It is packed to the gills with stuff exactly like your stuff. If you're hanging onto stuff like that, you're basically running your own thrift store, and who wants to live at Goodwill? Plus there's Ebay, Amazon, Craigslist, and a dozen other websites where people sell all kinds of stuff - collectibles, books, movies, CD's, clothes, you name it. So, what are you so worried about. Let your stuff go, free it into the wild. If it was really meant to be yours, it will find it's way back to you - honest.
I've decluttered many hundreds of items over the years, clothes, books, kids toys, purses, shoes, etc. I can only think of one thing I was every sorry I got rid of and that was a book. When I noticed that I had missed it and decided to replace it, it took me 5 minutes and about $8 to replace it on Amazon.com. That $8 was well worth the dozens of other books and other things that I was able to part with and clear out of my life. And you can "visit" your stuff at the Goodwill any day of the week for free!
However, once you've decluttered something, you are very unlikely to remember it. Like I said, I have decluttered probably a thousand pounds worth of stuff in all these years and I probably couldn't name 10 of the things I've given away. Seriously. Try it and you'll see.
I mean, look around any thrift store. It is packed to the gills with stuff exactly like your stuff. If you're hanging onto stuff like that, you're basically running your own thrift store, and who wants to live at Goodwill? Plus there's Ebay, Amazon, Craigslist, and a dozen other websites where people sell all kinds of stuff - collectibles, books, movies, CD's, clothes, you name it. So, what are you so worried about. Let your stuff go, free it into the wild. If it was really meant to be yours, it will find it's way back to you - honest.
I've decluttered many hundreds of items over the years, clothes, books, kids toys, purses, shoes, etc. I can only think of one thing I was every sorry I got rid of and that was a book. When I noticed that I had missed it and decided to replace it, it took me 5 minutes and about $8 to replace it on Amazon.com. That $8 was well worth the dozens of other books and other things that I was able to part with and clear out of my life. And you can "visit" your stuff at the Goodwill any day of the week for free!
However, once you've decluttered something, you are very unlikely to remember it. Like I said, I have decluttered probably a thousand pounds worth of stuff in all these years and I probably couldn't name 10 of the things I've given away. Seriously. Try it and you'll see.
4/24/09
That "Clean For Company" Feeling
Have you noticed that you look at your house totally differently when you know company is coming over? All of a sudden you start noticing little pockets of clutter and little bits of dirt and dust that you hadn't noticed before. This gives you a great burst of energy and motivation to clean up what had seemed perfectly fine 5 minutes ago.
It is a natural bit of pride to want your home to look nice and tidy for upcoming company. We all want guests to "ooo" and "ahh" and tell us how nice our home looks. There's nothing wrong with this and in fact, I will use it to my advantage sometimes. If I'm having a difficult time maintaining my routines and keeping my house clean, I'll use any excuse to invite some friends over. First of all, I love to have company and it gives me a chance to entertain, which I love, but also it forces me to get busy and tidy up.
However, you have to think about what message you're sending to yourself and your children. You are telling them that it's more important to present a good face to others than to make the house nice for your own family. That would be brought home to me when I would start my regular Saturday morning cleaning and the kids would ask me who was coming over. I hated the fact that they associated cleaning with company and not with us doing something nice for our own family.
So why not treat your family as company? Why not bring out the special tablecloths and dishes once in a while and make as nice a meal as you would for guests? Why not make an appointment with yourself to take a quick tour every few days and look around your house with "company eyes" and notice the areas that need a little extra attention. Your family will love it and start feeling extra special themselves and you'll likely catch them making their own efforts to pick up after themselves.
It is a natural bit of pride to want your home to look nice and tidy for upcoming company. We all want guests to "ooo" and "ahh" and tell us how nice our home looks. There's nothing wrong with this and in fact, I will use it to my advantage sometimes. If I'm having a difficult time maintaining my routines and keeping my house clean, I'll use any excuse to invite some friends over. First of all, I love to have company and it gives me a chance to entertain, which I love, but also it forces me to get busy and tidy up.
However, you have to think about what message you're sending to yourself and your children. You are telling them that it's more important to present a good face to others than to make the house nice for your own family. That would be brought home to me when I would start my regular Saturday morning cleaning and the kids would ask me who was coming over. I hated the fact that they associated cleaning with company and not with us doing something nice for our own family.
So why not treat your family as company? Why not bring out the special tablecloths and dishes once in a while and make as nice a meal as you would for guests? Why not make an appointment with yourself to take a quick tour every few days and look around your house with "company eyes" and notice the areas that need a little extra attention. Your family will love it and start feeling extra special themselves and you'll likely catch them making their own efforts to pick up after themselves.
4/18/09
Emptying the "Empty Nest"
I don't know how many of you have grown kids as I do, but once your kids are actually out of the house, it's surprising how much "stuff" they think they are entitled to leave behind. It's stuff that they don't really need and don't actually plan to use, but Lord help you if you try to get rid of it.
Do you really want to be storing that stuff clear into your retirement? It's really just clutter, taking up space that you could use for more useful items.
If you really want to get rid of it, you need to have a plan. If your kids are flaky like mine, just asking them to come and get it isn't really going to work. Going through boxes of old junk, even their own, isn't going to be their idea of fun and it's not going to be high on their list of priorities.
One thing to do is to set a firm date. Give them a good month or so to get around to it, but then let them know that after that date, the free storage deal is going to be over. Then give them a head start on the project. Go through the stuff and start sorting it into some general piles - clothes, books, papers, school projects, etc.
Get out your digital pictures and document as you go. You can easily post the pictures to a Flickr account and share it with your child. That way, they can see exactly what they are dealing with and that is likely to give them a little motivation to save some of the things that are more important to them. If nothing else, you can have them tag the pictures of the things they want and the things you can get rid of.
Then just box it up and leave it for them to come and get it. And enjoy your now uncluttered space. Just try not to fill it up with all of your old, unneeded junk.
Do you really want to be storing that stuff clear into your retirement? It's really just clutter, taking up space that you could use for more useful items.
If you really want to get rid of it, you need to have a plan. If your kids are flaky like mine, just asking them to come and get it isn't really going to work. Going through boxes of old junk, even their own, isn't going to be their idea of fun and it's not going to be high on their list of priorities.
One thing to do is to set a firm date. Give them a good month or so to get around to it, but then let them know that after that date, the free storage deal is going to be over. Then give them a head start on the project. Go through the stuff and start sorting it into some general piles - clothes, books, papers, school projects, etc.
Get out your digital pictures and document as you go. You can easily post the pictures to a Flickr account and share it with your child. That way, they can see exactly what they are dealing with and that is likely to give them a little motivation to save some of the things that are more important to them. If nothing else, you can have them tag the pictures of the things they want and the things you can get rid of.
Then just box it up and leave it for them to come and get it. And enjoy your now uncluttered space. Just try not to fill it up with all of your old, unneeded junk.
4/14/09
Easy Daily Clutter Tip
Sometimes I think one of the biggest challenges in keeping a nice house is to deal with the daily clutter of dishes, mail, shoes, newspapers, backpacks, etc. If you can just get this one habit until control, you would be so surprised at what a difference it would make in your home!
One simple thing you can do is to just get in the habit of taking a few things with you every time you leave a room. It would literally take a matter of seconds to pick up a couple of glasses or dishes when you're heading for the kitchen, a pair of shoes or a coat when you're headed for the bedroom - how easy is that?
Eliminating the clutter in this way will make your room look so much cleaner and will make it so much easier to keep a room looking nice. You've gotten to the point where you don't even notice the clutter. Once you remove the constant clutter from a room, you'll notice even one thing out of place. It's like the peace and quiet of the country after a few weeks of being in the noise and bustle of the city. It's really refreshing.
The trick is to remember is. You know the old saying that it takes 28 days to build a habit. I don't know if that's true or not, but building new habits is definitely a big challenge for me. However, there are some little tricks you can use to help get yourself into a new habit. Here are some ideas:
- Put a rubber band around your wrist or a brightly colored bracelet.
- Reward yourself. If you do better with the habit than you did the day before, reward yourself with a little extra TV time or a special coffee or some other small, easily repeatable reward.
- Stick up post-it notes everywhere to encourage yourself.
- Engage your kids or your husband. Have them levy .25 cent fines on you when you forget.
- Try the don't "break the chain" technique. Get a calendar and some fun stickers. You get a sticker for each day you remember your habit. When you get a chain of 3 or 4 days, plan a special treat for yourself and then you won't want to break the chain.
One simple thing you can do is to just get in the habit of taking a few things with you every time you leave a room. It would literally take a matter of seconds to pick up a couple of glasses or dishes when you're heading for the kitchen, a pair of shoes or a coat when you're headed for the bedroom - how easy is that?
Eliminating the clutter in this way will make your room look so much cleaner and will make it so much easier to keep a room looking nice. You've gotten to the point where you don't even notice the clutter. Once you remove the constant clutter from a room, you'll notice even one thing out of place. It's like the peace and quiet of the country after a few weeks of being in the noise and bustle of the city. It's really refreshing.
The trick is to remember is. You know the old saying that it takes 28 days to build a habit. I don't know if that's true or not, but building new habits is definitely a big challenge for me. However, there are some little tricks you can use to help get yourself into a new habit. Here are some ideas:
- Put a rubber band around your wrist or a brightly colored bracelet.
- Reward yourself. If you do better with the habit than you did the day before, reward yourself with a little extra TV time or a special coffee or some other small, easily repeatable reward.
- Stick up post-it notes everywhere to encourage yourself.
- Engage your kids or your husband. Have them levy .25 cent fines on you when you forget.
- Try the don't "break the chain" technique. Get a calendar and some fun stickers. You get a sticker for each day you remember your habit. When you get a chain of 3 or 4 days, plan a special treat for yourself and then you won't want to break the chain.
4/10/09
New Basement Reveal
Well, after that last scary post, I feel like I need to demonstrate that I don't actually live in a cave! In fact, most of the time, my house is pretty nice. And believe me, the embarrassment of being caught with a messy house is a big motivator to get back with the program on your daily routines!
Anyway, here are some pictures of my new and improved basement that my husband painted up all nice for me!
Being in the blog world is hard to explain to non-bloggers. But sometimes you can really get some great ideas from other people's blogs. For instance, right after the first of the year, I was poking around over at Life With my 3 Boybarians (love that name!). She had just redone her schoolroom and I liked the color scheme so much, I sent my husband straight to Home Depot to get some paint and get right on that basement. Click HERE to go take a peek at her schoolroom. Naturally, he thought I was crazy, but if he doesn't know that by now... And anyway, it was a holiday weekend and he was bored, so he went, and a few weeks later, it looks like this:
Doesn't that look wonderful? I especially like the high gloss white on the bookshelves and fireplace. It looks SO much better. In the right light, you can even see the reflection of the books in the paint. I also took the opportunity to reorganize my bookshelves and shift some of the furniture around.
I think my husband did a great job too. He apprenticed with a professional painter for about six months and he really does very meticulous work on all the trim and everything. Although, I do have to give props to the guy at Home Depot for helping us pick out the paint. Below was my original paint color. I thought a rich chocolate color would be just great, but when we got it on the wall, it looked exactly like someone had smeared a Hershey's bar all over the wall. So I was glad that we switched to a much lighter shade and Tim, the paint guy showed us how we could take the same can of paint and just lighten it a few shades for the contrasting trim.
Here is what the basement looked like when we first bought the house two years ago. It looked like they had taken a 5 gallon bucket of some kind of cheap, nasty off white color that looked sort of like a dingy tooth color and put it on every wall in the house. I'm serious! The entire house - every single surface in it, was this nasty dingy, yellow-y color. It was the only thing I didn't like about the house, well besides the ugly carpets, because I just love color in a house. My Mom always painted everything either white or off white, but I've got to have color around me. So we painted several rooms before we moved in, and several more since then, but we've just gradually been eliminating that yucky color a room at a time.
The basement was a challenge though because the walls are all textured. You know, like they texture ceilings, well they did that all the way down the walls, all the way through the whole basement. I wasn't sure how well that would look with a color, but I was pleasantly surprised. I think it looks great with the color. It feels much warmer and much more "finished" than it did, less like a basement. What do you think?
Anyway, here are some pictures of my new and improved basement that my husband painted up all nice for me!
Being in the blog world is hard to explain to non-bloggers. But sometimes you can really get some great ideas from other people's blogs. For instance, right after the first of the year, I was poking around over at Life With my 3 Boybarians (love that name!). She had just redone her schoolroom and I liked the color scheme so much, I sent my husband straight to Home Depot to get some paint and get right on that basement. Click HERE to go take a peek at her schoolroom. Naturally, he thought I was crazy, but if he doesn't know that by now... And anyway, it was a holiday weekend and he was bored, so he went, and a few weeks later, it looks like this:
Doesn't that look wonderful? I especially like the high gloss white on the bookshelves and fireplace. It looks SO much better. In the right light, you can even see the reflection of the books in the paint. I also took the opportunity to reorganize my bookshelves and shift some of the furniture around.
I think my husband did a great job too. He apprenticed with a professional painter for about six months and he really does very meticulous work on all the trim and everything. Although, I do have to give props to the guy at Home Depot for helping us pick out the paint. Below was my original paint color. I thought a rich chocolate color would be just great, but when we got it on the wall, it looked exactly like someone had smeared a Hershey's bar all over the wall. So I was glad that we switched to a much lighter shade and Tim, the paint guy showed us how we could take the same can of paint and just lighten it a few shades for the contrasting trim.
Here is what the basement looked like when we first bought the house two years ago. It looked like they had taken a 5 gallon bucket of some kind of cheap, nasty off white color that looked sort of like a dingy tooth color and put it on every wall in the house. I'm serious! The entire house - every single surface in it, was this nasty dingy, yellow-y color. It was the only thing I didn't like about the house, well besides the ugly carpets, because I just love color in a house. My Mom always painted everything either white or off white, but I've got to have color around me. So we painted several rooms before we moved in, and several more since then, but we've just gradually been eliminating that yucky color a room at a time.
The basement was a challenge though because the walls are all textured. You know, like they texture ceilings, well they did that all the way down the walls, all the way through the whole basement. I wasn't sure how well that would look with a color, but I was pleasantly surprised. I think it looks great with the color. It feels much warmer and much more "finished" than it did, less like a basement. What do you think?
4/5/09
Caught with my pants down!
Well, it finally happened, the ultimate embarassment. My super-duper cleanie sister happened to drop in on a day when my house was looking like a total train wreck! Ugh. Don't you just hate it when that happens? It is SO humiliating! You just want to crawl right under the couch and eat dust bunnies.
I know you're thinking that I am the last person who should let myself be placed in a situation like that. After all, I teach this stuff and I write posts all the time about cleaning and organization. But, we all have busy weeks, and get distracted with other stuff and start drifting out of our normal routines. And even though I've learned a lot about organizing and developed a lot of new habits, it doesn't mean that I don't have a little backslide once in a while.
And my sister, of all people - sheesh! These are pictures of my sister's house. As you can see it is gorgeous and it looks like this 24 X 7. I always go into hyperdrive when I know she is coming over because I can't stand the thought of her seeing my house in less than perfect condition. And believe me, today it was in much less than perfect condition! We had just redecorated the kitchen last night and were too tired to finish it up, so there were boxes and plastic wrap and styrofoam all over, and so were the pictures we had taken down. We'd run out of kitty litter and the cat box was in a very sorry state, and naturally her grandkids were begging to come in and visit the kitties. Even my normally clean entryway was all cluttered with my Easter decorations that I was in the process of putting up. And of course, my husband had to bring her into the very messy kitchen to show off our new dining room chairs and new decor, and then take her down to the cluttered basement to show her the new paint job. Man, I so need to retrain that guy!
Oh well, what can you do? It is what it is. You can't get a do-over on that one. And stumbling around mumbling excuses and trying to shove stuff out of the way just makes it worse. You just have to stand up and deal with the situation as best you can.
After she left, I was tempted to get mad and blame my family, but it's not their fault. Yes, some of the mess was their fault, but I'm the Mom and I'm the one who sets the tone for keeping the house clean (or not!). So, I didn't get mad, but I did get busy and so did the rest of the family. And you know, with all four of us working, we had the house back under control in just about 30 minutes. Hopefully, next time we'll think to do the 30 minute clean-up BEFORE my sister comes over rather than after!
I know you're thinking that I am the last person who should let myself be placed in a situation like that. After all, I teach this stuff and I write posts all the time about cleaning and organization. But, we all have busy weeks, and get distracted with other stuff and start drifting out of our normal routines. And even though I've learned a lot about organizing and developed a lot of new habits, it doesn't mean that I don't have a little backslide once in a while.
And my sister, of all people - sheesh! These are pictures of my sister's house. As you can see it is gorgeous and it looks like this 24 X 7. I always go into hyperdrive when I know she is coming over because I can't stand the thought of her seeing my house in less than perfect condition. And believe me, today it was in much less than perfect condition! We had just redecorated the kitchen last night and were too tired to finish it up, so there were boxes and plastic wrap and styrofoam all over, and so were the pictures we had taken down. We'd run out of kitty litter and the cat box was in a very sorry state, and naturally her grandkids were begging to come in and visit the kitties. Even my normally clean entryway was all cluttered with my Easter decorations that I was in the process of putting up. And of course, my husband had to bring her into the very messy kitchen to show off our new dining room chairs and new decor, and then take her down to the cluttered basement to show her the new paint job. Man, I so need to retrain that guy!
Oh well, what can you do? It is what it is. You can't get a do-over on that one. And stumbling around mumbling excuses and trying to shove stuff out of the way just makes it worse. You just have to stand up and deal with the situation as best you can.
After she left, I was tempted to get mad and blame my family, but it's not their fault. Yes, some of the mess was their fault, but I'm the Mom and I'm the one who sets the tone for keeping the house clean (or not!). So, I didn't get mad, but I did get busy and so did the rest of the family. And you know, with all four of us working, we had the house back under control in just about 30 minutes. Hopefully, next time we'll think to do the 30 minute clean-up BEFORE my sister comes over rather than after!
4/2/09
Closet Organizing 101
My friend Pooba did a post about her closet organization. She's mainly talking about Wally world and all the fabulous containers they sell, but I think she did a great job of using them to redo her closets. Pop over to take a peek - Pooba's Closet.
PS: Wanna hear something weird? I found Pooba when she entered my SITS Spring Fling contest and won my prize. Turns out she lives right in my neighborhood and I think she's the first blog commenter I've ever met in person. What are the odds?
PS: Wanna hear something weird? I found Pooba when she entered my SITS Spring Fling contest and won my prize. Turns out she lives right in my neighborhood and I think she's the first blog commenter I've ever met in person. What are the odds?
3/30/09
Dealing with Financial Clutter
This is a subject I am kind of a fanatic on. Money is very important to me. Not because I want a new Lexus, or a mink coat, or a cruise around the world, but because I want to make sure that my family is safe and secure, even in precarious financial times such as these.
I've had some tough financial times in my life and it wasn't fun at all. And it isn't all about having nice clothes, or eating in nice restaurants, or taking nice vacations. It's about having a safe place to live.
Because of my Mom's financial situation as a single mother, I was raised in some very rough neighborhoods. The kind where your Mom doesn't let you play in the back yard or go across the street by yourself to play with a friend. The kind where there are shootings and police around all the time and scary looking guys walking around. Where the kids at school have lice and belong to gangs and will be only too happy to beat you up if you look at them wrong. My Jr. High School backed right up against the Long Beach Projects, so when we moved to Orange County a year or so later, I thought I'd died and gone to paradise.
Here's a great post I found on Unclutterer.com the subject of Financial Clutter - click HERE to go and check it out.
I've had some tough financial times in my life and it wasn't fun at all. And it isn't all about having nice clothes, or eating in nice restaurants, or taking nice vacations. It's about having a safe place to live.
Because of my Mom's financial situation as a single mother, I was raised in some very rough neighborhoods. The kind where your Mom doesn't let you play in the back yard or go across the street by yourself to play with a friend. The kind where there are shootings and police around all the time and scary looking guys walking around. Where the kids at school have lice and belong to gangs and will be only too happy to beat you up if you look at them wrong. My Jr. High School backed right up against the Long Beach Projects, so when we moved to Orange County a year or so later, I thought I'd died and gone to paradise.
Here's a great post I found on Unclutterer.com the subject of Financial Clutter - click HERE to go and check it out.
3/29/09
Spring Cleaning
OK folks, it's about that time of year - time for Spring Cleaning! However, the kind of Spring Cleaning I'm talking about is a little different. This is an exercise from the Fishful Thinking institute (the people who belong to that cute little fishy on my sidebar). This type of Spring Cleaning is a way to help both you and your kids eliminate mental clutter, negative thinking, and limiting beliefs. I know this exercise is designed for the kiddos, but especially if you have house cleaning issues, you have a lot of shame and guilt in your life and it isn't doing you any good. Try this exercise yourself to release those negative thoughts and replace them with positive intentions and a plan of action to make a few simple and small changes that will make your life so much better.
Fishful Thinking
Week 2 Activity: Spring Cleaning – Bag It Up!
Ingredient: Optimism, Emotional Awareness
Ages: Grade 2 to Grade 5
From Dr. Reivich:
It is finally here, springtime! It’s a time of renewal, rejuvenation and — spring cleaning! Our desire to start fresh each spring doesn’t have to stop with cleaning out drawers and bagging up all the hand-me-downs. This can also be a good time to take stock of our mental clutter, and help ourselves and our children to “bag up” any old perceptions that no longer fit.
One of my sons found the start of this school year challenging and would wake up in the morning with thoughts like; “I don’t like my class,” “I won’t do well,” “I can’t do the homework,” swirling around in his head. It was a rough start. But rough starts don’t have to mean rough middles or endings. Now, he’s enjoying school, finding the homework to be manageable and liking his class.
I can help my son develop confidence by talking with him about “those old beliefs that just don’t fit anymore.” In doing this, I’m helping him to take notice of how he’s grown—not just physically, but mentally, too!
How to Bag It Up!
Help your child to take stock of the mental clutter. Start by sharing an example of a negative belief that you want to get rid of. Write the belief on a slip of paper and then put it into a bag labeled “giveaways.” (If your child will find the “bagging up” part silly, simply talk through examples of beliefs that are no longer accurate.) After you’ve given your example, ask your child to come up with examples of his or her own. These questions will help:
• Is there something that you used to think about yourself that no longer seems to fit? Examples: “I’m not smart enough” or “I can’t do that.” Can you give examples of how that old belief no longer fits?
• Can you think of a negative thought you have that gets in your way or makes you feel down about yourself? Examples: “Nobody likes me” or “I stink at sports.” What is some evidence that proves that belief is not true?
• What is one thing you are doing now that you weren’t able to do last year?
Getting rid of things that no longer “fit” creates extra space, and that feels good. This spring set a goal of cleaning out negative beliefs, and filling up that extra space with Optimism!
Article for Mom:
Live Long and Smile; Keep Smiling, Be Healthy (Natural Life magazine)
According to a recent study, maintaining an optimistic perspective throughout your daily life can have a beneficial effect on your physical health. In fact, positive thinking may just help you to live longer!
Legal stuff - I am a Mom-bassador for the Fishful Thinking website and as such, I am eligible for prizes and incentives based on my activities and the traffic I generate to the site. Please contact me if you are interested in becoming a Mom-bassador too.
Week 2 Activity: Spring Cleaning – Bag It Up!
Ingredient: Optimism, Emotional Awareness
Ages: Grade 2 to Grade 5
From Dr. Reivich:
It is finally here, springtime! It’s a time of renewal, rejuvenation and — spring cleaning! Our desire to start fresh each spring doesn’t have to stop with cleaning out drawers and bagging up all the hand-me-downs. This can also be a good time to take stock of our mental clutter, and help ourselves and our children to “bag up” any old perceptions that no longer fit.
One of my sons found the start of this school year challenging and would wake up in the morning with thoughts like; “I don’t like my class,” “I won’t do well,” “I can’t do the homework,” swirling around in his head. It was a rough start. But rough starts don’t have to mean rough middles or endings. Now, he’s enjoying school, finding the homework to be manageable and liking his class.
I can help my son develop confidence by talking with him about “those old beliefs that just don’t fit anymore.” In doing this, I’m helping him to take notice of how he’s grown—not just physically, but mentally, too!
How to Bag It Up!
Help your child to take stock of the mental clutter. Start by sharing an example of a negative belief that you want to get rid of. Write the belief on a slip of paper and then put it into a bag labeled “giveaways.” (If your child will find the “bagging up” part silly, simply talk through examples of beliefs that are no longer accurate.) After you’ve given your example, ask your child to come up with examples of his or her own. These questions will help:
• Is there something that you used to think about yourself that no longer seems to fit? Examples: “I’m not smart enough” or “I can’t do that.” Can you give examples of how that old belief no longer fits?
• Can you think of a negative thought you have that gets in your way or makes you feel down about yourself? Examples: “Nobody likes me” or “I stink at sports.” What is some evidence that proves that belief is not true?
• What is one thing you are doing now that you weren’t able to do last year?
Getting rid of things that no longer “fit” creates extra space, and that feels good. This spring set a goal of cleaning out negative beliefs, and filling up that extra space with Optimism!
Article for Mom:
Live Long and Smile; Keep Smiling, Be Healthy (Natural Life magazine)
According to a recent study, maintaining an optimistic perspective throughout your daily life can have a beneficial effect on your physical health. In fact, positive thinking may just help you to live longer!
Legal stuff - I am a Mom-bassador for the Fishful Thinking website and as such, I am eligible for prizes and incentives based on my activities and the traffic I generate to the site. Please contact me if you are interested in becoming a Mom-bassador too.
3/27/09
The Clutter Game
Let’s play a game. Let’s pretend that over the course of the next month, you have to actually use everything that is currently in your house. You have to wear every piece of clothing, eat off of every dish, use every towel and sheet, and read or watch every single book or movie!
That’s pretty ridiculous, isn’t it? But even if you stretched it out to a year, what percentage of your “stuff” do you think you would use? I would think 50% would be a pretty generous estimate. If the statistics folks are right, it’s probably closer to 20%. That means that 50% to 80% of the stuff in your house is living there absolutely rent free, all year long! Because when you think about it, that is how possessions earn their keep, by providing us with comfort and convenience and by serving some useful purpose. But if you’ve got a whole house full of “freeloaders” who aren’t pulling their weight, they are costing you money.
You have to own and maintain a larger house with more and more storage space to keep them in. Some people even rent additional storage spaces because they’ve outgrown their houses. You have to buy boxes and baskets and bins to store it all away and keep it out of sight. I’m hoping you do anyway. If not, then you have the emotional cost of having all this stuff lying around and taking away your peace of mind.
And how much time do you spend messing around with it? I just spent almost a whole weekend reorganizing all my pictures. That was OK with me because those pictures have a lot of meaning for me and now I won’t have to do that for probably another 5 years, but how often have you spent a whole Saturday or a whole weekend cleaning out the garage or doing the “stash and dash” for company? That’s a lot of time and effort this stuff is costing you.
Then there’s the energy drain. There are some things that really give you joy and bring back fond memories for you, but a lot of excess stuff just acts as a drain on your spirit and just makes you feel depressed and guilty for letting it pile up so much. And you feel so embarrassed when someone drops by and your house is all messy and disorganized with your” freeloaders” taking up every spare inch. Not to mention the conflicts with your children, spouse, or mother! More than one marriage has ended because of conflicts between over messy homes.
Wow, I’ll bet you’re really looking at your freeloaders with new eyes, aren’t you? Let’s do one more fun game. Mentally estimate what percentage of your house is filled with unused “treasures” – everything from old broken toys, clothes that don’t fit, stuff hiding out in the garage, books you aren’t ever going to read, etc. Be honest now. Now mentally pack it in boxes and stack it up in one (or two) rooms of your home. Estimate what percentage of your square footage that would represent. Let’s say it’s 10%. If your house payment is $1500, you are paying $150 a month to keep all that clutter! If you’re not getting $150 worth of joy out of it, I suggest you start sending that stuff out into the world to go freeload off of someone else!
That’s pretty ridiculous, isn’t it? But even if you stretched it out to a year, what percentage of your “stuff” do you think you would use? I would think 50% would be a pretty generous estimate. If the statistics folks are right, it’s probably closer to 20%. That means that 50% to 80% of the stuff in your house is living there absolutely rent free, all year long! Because when you think about it, that is how possessions earn their keep, by providing us with comfort and convenience and by serving some useful purpose. But if you’ve got a whole house full of “freeloaders” who aren’t pulling their weight, they are costing you money.
You have to own and maintain a larger house with more and more storage space to keep them in. Some people even rent additional storage spaces because they’ve outgrown their houses. You have to buy boxes and baskets and bins to store it all away and keep it out of sight. I’m hoping you do anyway. If not, then you have the emotional cost of having all this stuff lying around and taking away your peace of mind.
And how much time do you spend messing around with it? I just spent almost a whole weekend reorganizing all my pictures. That was OK with me because those pictures have a lot of meaning for me and now I won’t have to do that for probably another 5 years, but how often have you spent a whole Saturday or a whole weekend cleaning out the garage or doing the “stash and dash” for company? That’s a lot of time and effort this stuff is costing you.
Then there’s the energy drain. There are some things that really give you joy and bring back fond memories for you, but a lot of excess stuff just acts as a drain on your spirit and just makes you feel depressed and guilty for letting it pile up so much. And you feel so embarrassed when someone drops by and your house is all messy and disorganized with your” freeloaders” taking up every spare inch. Not to mention the conflicts with your children, spouse, or mother! More than one marriage has ended because of conflicts between over messy homes.
Wow, I’ll bet you’re really looking at your freeloaders with new eyes, aren’t you? Let’s do one more fun game. Mentally estimate what percentage of your house is filled with unused “treasures” – everything from old broken toys, clothes that don’t fit, stuff hiding out in the garage, books you aren’t ever going to read, etc. Be honest now. Now mentally pack it in boxes and stack it up in one (or two) rooms of your home. Estimate what percentage of your square footage that would represent. Let’s say it’s 10%. If your house payment is $1500, you are paying $150 a month to keep all that clutter! If you’re not getting $150 worth of joy out of it, I suggest you start sending that stuff out into the world to go freeload off of someone else!
Clean up Music
I read a good tip this week - I forget which blog I saw it on, but I thought it was great. Not only does upbeat music boost your mood and get you in the right frame of mind to want to do your cleaning, but it also can be used as a sort of a clue to your family that it's clean-up time.
If you always play the same artist or the same genre of music when you do your cleaning, your family will start to build a subconscious association with that music and when they hear it, they will be more likely to get up off the couch and pitch in with the work.
Flylady has a whole CD of songs that have been put together just for cleaning. You might want to pop over to her website and check it out. My favorites are the Pointer Sisters or the score from Dreamgirls.
PS: Here's a quick tip from my Grocery Tips for Smart Shoppers. Bring your Ipod with you when you go grocery shopping. The stores play that draggy elevator music so you'll shop slower and buy more stuff. Listen to your own upbeat music and keep your own pace!
If you always play the same artist or the same genre of music when you do your cleaning, your family will start to build a subconscious association with that music and when they hear it, they will be more likely to get up off the couch and pitch in with the work.
Flylady has a whole CD of songs that have been put together just for cleaning. You might want to pop over to her website and check it out. My favorites are the Pointer Sisters or the score from Dreamgirls.
PS: Here's a quick tip from my Grocery Tips for Smart Shoppers. Bring your Ipod with you when you go grocery shopping. The stores play that draggy elevator music so you'll shop slower and buy more stuff. Listen to your own upbeat music and keep your own pace!
3/23/09
Fishful Thinking
Maybe you noticed a new little goody on my sidebar there. I just signed up as a Mom-bassador with a new website called Fishful Thinking. It's sponsored by Pepperidge Farm who are the goldfish cracker people and it's all about optimism and using positive thinking to raise our children.
I know this is a blog about cleaning and organizing, but I think you need to have a certain amount of optimism to be able to make the kinds of changes we are trying to accomplish. We are definitely trying to make positive changes and improvements to our lives and our homes and I think a positive attitude can be a big help with that. Plus, I think most of us have kids as well and this is a great resource for raising kids. There are a ton of great articles, ideas and quizzes on there, plus there is a whole kid's section of the website that has games and activities for your kids to play.
Go ahead and click on the little fishy over there to go and check out the site. I think you'll really enjoy it.
I know this is a blog about cleaning and organizing, but I think you need to have a certain amount of optimism to be able to make the kinds of changes we are trying to accomplish. We are definitely trying to make positive changes and improvements to our lives and our homes and I think a positive attitude can be a big help with that. Plus, I think most of us have kids as well and this is a great resource for raising kids. There are a ton of great articles, ideas and quizzes on there, plus there is a whole kid's section of the website that has games and activities for your kids to play.
Go ahead and click on the little fishy over there to go and check out the site. I think you'll really enjoy it.
3/22/09
Photo Storage and Organization
My husband and son are at a father-son campout this weekend, so I just devoted my entire day - literally about 10 hours straight to organizing our photos. Now normally, I wouldn't advise a client to tackle such a large and time-consuming project. But I know myself and my schedule and believe me, large blocks of spare time are a pretty rare thing in my life. And I also know that with a semi-unpleasant job like this, my best bet is to do it in one large chunk because otherwise I can let a project like this drag out for weeks.
In my house, photos and other personal mementos are probably my largest source of clutter. I'm pretty sentimental and over the years I have amassed a pretty extensive collection of "stuff". Not only pictures, but craft items my mother made for me and my children, clothes that have particular significance, birth announcements and certificates for variance achievements, report cards, etc.
It's a LOT of stuff and it takes up a fair amount of space in my house. But because a lot of it has meaning to me, I am willing to forgo other types of clutter to make room for it. I have it all in a large cedar chest that my mother bought me when I was in college and I have three large Rubbermaid tubs that fit neatly into the closets in several rooms. So, even though it is technically clutter, it is fairly neat and pretty organized clutter.
However, I have decided to take it a step further. I like to scrapbook and I am on the verge of digging into digital scrapbooking, so I need my pictures converted to digital format for scrapbooking. Plus I am nervous something could happen to ruin all these special memories for me, so I have found a place that converts them to digital images on CD. It's not a bad deal. You send them a box of approximately 1,000 photos, sorted by size and organized the way you want them, and for $50 they scan them and send them back to you on CD. The place is called Scanmyphotos.com and they're based in Irvine, CA. That's important because some of these places send your pictures off to India or China for scanning and that makes me nervous.
Anyway, that sounded like a pretty good option at about 9:00 this morning. The problem is that I think I've got a lot more than 1,000 photos. I haven't counted yet, but I'll bet it's in the neighborhood of 5,000! Yikes! I don't know if I'm up for spending that kind of money to get all those pictures scanned. We'll see when I'm all done and have a chance to count the photos. I may have to pick and choose and only scan my most favorite ones. Plus I'm not sure what to do with them once they're scanned. 1,000 photos is a lot more than my poor computer can handle. I'd have to find some kind of an on-line picture storing and organizing place. Sounds like I need a bit more research.
But in the meantime, I am definitely accomplishing something. I got all of our oldest pictures out of those old-style magnetic albums that were ruining them. That was a heck of a job right there, I'll tell you! I've also gotten all the old pictures out of their individual envelopes and gotten them all sorted by size if I do decide to scan them. And I've weeded out all the negatives and thrown away all the paper envelopes that were taking up a lot of room. Yes, I hear you gasp, but I know perfectly well that I'd never go back and go to all the trouble of figuring out negatives to get reprints of anything made from them. And besides, the last thing I need is MORE pictures, so I felt comfortable in decluttering them. Duplicates too! Lord in heaven, who ever came up with that particular marketing scheme?
I've also made some progress in getting some of the larger stuff organized - pictures in larger frames, report cards, envelopes of the kid's school pictures. I'm hoping that by the time I'm done, I may be able to eliminate one of the Rubbermaid tubs. Then I just need to figure out what to do with the actual pictures. I'm torn between keeping them in those shoebox-style photo boxes, or putting them into large photo albums, the kind with slip-in sleeves. The boxes hold more, but they're easier to use for scrapbooking when you can see them all laid out in the flat albums.
This is one instance where I could use some good advice. What great strategies to you have for keeping track of your pictures and keeping them organized?
I'm participating in the Photo Storage challenge over at Organizing Junkie. Click the link to pop over and find more ideas on photo storage.
In my house, photos and other personal mementos are probably my largest source of clutter. I'm pretty sentimental and over the years I have amassed a pretty extensive collection of "stuff". Not only pictures, but craft items my mother made for me and my children, clothes that have particular significance, birth announcements and certificates for variance achievements, report cards, etc.
It's a LOT of stuff and it takes up a fair amount of space in my house. But because a lot of it has meaning to me, I am willing to forgo other types of clutter to make room for it. I have it all in a large cedar chest that my mother bought me when I was in college and I have three large Rubbermaid tubs that fit neatly into the closets in several rooms. So, even though it is technically clutter, it is fairly neat and pretty organized clutter.
However, I have decided to take it a step further. I like to scrapbook and I am on the verge of digging into digital scrapbooking, so I need my pictures converted to digital format for scrapbooking. Plus I am nervous something could happen to ruin all these special memories for me, so I have found a place that converts them to digital images on CD. It's not a bad deal. You send them a box of approximately 1,000 photos, sorted by size and organized the way you want them, and for $50 they scan them and send them back to you on CD. The place is called Scanmyphotos.com and they're based in Irvine, CA. That's important because some of these places send your pictures off to India or China for scanning and that makes me nervous.
Anyway, that sounded like a pretty good option at about 9:00 this morning. The problem is that I think I've got a lot more than 1,000 photos. I haven't counted yet, but I'll bet it's in the neighborhood of 5,000! Yikes! I don't know if I'm up for spending that kind of money to get all those pictures scanned. We'll see when I'm all done and have a chance to count the photos. I may have to pick and choose and only scan my most favorite ones. Plus I'm not sure what to do with them once they're scanned. 1,000 photos is a lot more than my poor computer can handle. I'd have to find some kind of an on-line picture storing and organizing place. Sounds like I need a bit more research.
But in the meantime, I am definitely accomplishing something. I got all of our oldest pictures out of those old-style magnetic albums that were ruining them. That was a heck of a job right there, I'll tell you! I've also gotten all the old pictures out of their individual envelopes and gotten them all sorted by size if I do decide to scan them. And I've weeded out all the negatives and thrown away all the paper envelopes that were taking up a lot of room. Yes, I hear you gasp, but I know perfectly well that I'd never go back and go to all the trouble of figuring out negatives to get reprints of anything made from them. And besides, the last thing I need is MORE pictures, so I felt comfortable in decluttering them. Duplicates too! Lord in heaven, who ever came up with that particular marketing scheme?
I've also made some progress in getting some of the larger stuff organized - pictures in larger frames, report cards, envelopes of the kid's school pictures. I'm hoping that by the time I'm done, I may be able to eliminate one of the Rubbermaid tubs. Then I just need to figure out what to do with the actual pictures. I'm torn between keeping them in those shoebox-style photo boxes, or putting them into large photo albums, the kind with slip-in sleeves. The boxes hold more, but they're easier to use for scrapbooking when you can see them all laid out in the flat albums.
This is one instance where I could use some good advice. What great strategies to you have for keeping track of your pictures and keeping them organized?
I'm participating in the Photo Storage challenge over at Organizing Junkie. Click the link to pop over and find more ideas on photo storage.
3/15/09
Handy Tip for Transitioning Seasonal Clothes
You guys know that I always share great tips with you when I run across them. Here is a great solution I found on a new blog I've found called MeckMom.com. I think this is brilliant and it works great for both kid's clothes and your own clothes and fits in very nicely with my active/inactive storage concept, so click HERE to pop over and see. Be sure and leave MeckMom a nice comment for sharing such a lovely tip with us.
3/14/09
Organizing Your Kids - Part 2
As the mom of two ADHD kids, I've had to learn to think on my feet when it comes to getting them moving in the morning. When Matt was younger, mornings used to be my daily nightmare. It was mostly about herding him around, yelling at him, and raising my blood pressure thinking he was going to be late for school every single day. Needless to say, it caused both of us to start our day off on totally the wrong foot.
After some trial and error and reading a number of good books, I decided to revamp our whole morning routine. It worked wonders with Matt and I have been able to carry that same strategy along with Blake. Now our mornings are usually pretty great - well, probably 90% of the time and that ain't too bad!
Here are some of the fixes I put in place.
- Minimize distractions. No cartoons, video games, or even radio, ever. ADHD kids just cannot split their focus between two different activities and really neither can I. Whenever the TV is on, it's like a magnet and it draws everyone in the house right to it, even if there's nothing interesting on. If I find him drawn to books or toys in his room, I will even have him get dressed in a bathroom or the laundry room where there aren't any distractions clamoring for his attention.
- Set a wake up time and stick to it. This just makes it easier on your body if it knows you have to get up at a specific time. For Blake it is 6:50 (his choice). Since he goes to bed at 9:00 most nights, that gives him enough sleep to function and he likes getting up that early on weekends to watch cartoons. In fact, he insists on it when I would prefer to have him sleep in a bit later, but he's one of those morning kids.
- This also makes it easy to set benchmark times. For instance, they should be dressed by ___ time, lunch made by ___ time, and ready to go out the door by ___ time. Sometimes it helps to have an extra alarm clock in the kitchen to give them a warning 20-30 minutes before they have to leave. Then they know if they are running behind. (I do this for myself sometimes too!)
- Make kids responsible for getting themselves up in the morning. If you make yourself responsible for waking them up, then you get into the "sneaking back into bed" game and that is just no fun. It just turns into a power struggle and a frustration. Even a six year old can work an alarm clock and they like the feeling of responsibility it gives them.
- If you have a kid who is hard to wake up, get an alarm clock with a very loud alarm and put it across the room from him. If nothing else, "the call of nature" should get to him once he is up and moving around. That's why you put the alarm clear across the room. (For Matt, I got him a "Clocky" which is an alarm clock on wheels. If he doesn't shut it off, it jumps off his dresser and runs around the room beeping like mad - drives the cats absolutely crazy!)
- As a last resort, use a squirt gun. He might get mad, but he will realize you mean business about getting his butt out of bed in the morning. Or if you don't want to use the tough love approach, offer hot chocolate or some other treat on the mornings he is successful in getting himself up at the appointed time. It may take a while, but it's important that kids learn to take responsibility for themselves.
- Get your morning routine set in stone. That is the only way these kids can remember to do everything they need to do is if they do exactly the same things every morning in exactly the same order. Here is our routine:
- Get up 6:50
- Make bed
- Get dressed
- Brush teeth and comb hair (All by 7:15)
- Make lunch
- Get backpack ready - by 7:30
- Eat breakfast
- Then there is usually some extra time to finish up homework, do extra reading, practice the piano, or even watch a little TV (as a special treat) before the carpool comes to pick him up.
Yes, I can hear you now, he's brushing his teeth first and then eating his breakfast, instead of vice versa. However, having the breakfast last on the list is absolutely the KEY to the whole thing. That way if he does have a rough morning, I can toss him a piece of toast and shoo him out the door. Obviously, I'm not going to make him go hungry, but if he's a little bit hungry by lunchtime, that's probably a good motivator for him to be better organized the next day.
This way, he suffers for his lack of focus and not me, because I'm not frantically running around trying to find shoes and backpacks and gloves at the last minute. Instead, he's the crazy guy running around trying to grab a bite to eat with the pressure of the carpool honking in the driveway. That's a very good natural consequence and it works very well as a motivator.
After some trial and error and reading a number of good books, I decided to revamp our whole morning routine. It worked wonders with Matt and I have been able to carry that same strategy along with Blake. Now our mornings are usually pretty great - well, probably 90% of the time and that ain't too bad!
Here are some of the fixes I put in place.
- Minimize distractions. No cartoons, video games, or even radio, ever. ADHD kids just cannot split their focus between two different activities and really neither can I. Whenever the TV is on, it's like a magnet and it draws everyone in the house right to it, even if there's nothing interesting on. If I find him drawn to books or toys in his room, I will even have him get dressed in a bathroom or the laundry room where there aren't any distractions clamoring for his attention.
- Set a wake up time and stick to it. This just makes it easier on your body if it knows you have to get up at a specific time. For Blake it is 6:50 (his choice). Since he goes to bed at 9:00 most nights, that gives him enough sleep to function and he likes getting up that early on weekends to watch cartoons. In fact, he insists on it when I would prefer to have him sleep in a bit later, but he's one of those morning kids.
- This also makes it easy to set benchmark times. For instance, they should be dressed by ___ time, lunch made by ___ time, and ready to go out the door by ___ time. Sometimes it helps to have an extra alarm clock in the kitchen to give them a warning 20-30 minutes before they have to leave. Then they know if they are running behind. (I do this for myself sometimes too!)
- Make kids responsible for getting themselves up in the morning. If you make yourself responsible for waking them up, then you get into the "sneaking back into bed" game and that is just no fun. It just turns into a power struggle and a frustration. Even a six year old can work an alarm clock and they like the feeling of responsibility it gives them.
- If you have a kid who is hard to wake up, get an alarm clock with a very loud alarm and put it across the room from him. If nothing else, "the call of nature" should get to him once he is up and moving around. That's why you put the alarm clear across the room. (For Matt, I got him a "Clocky" which is an alarm clock on wheels. If he doesn't shut it off, it jumps off his dresser and runs around the room beeping like mad - drives the cats absolutely crazy!)
- As a last resort, use a squirt gun. He might get mad, but he will realize you mean business about getting his butt out of bed in the morning. Or if you don't want to use the tough love approach, offer hot chocolate or some other treat on the mornings he is successful in getting himself up at the appointed time. It may take a while, but it's important that kids learn to take responsibility for themselves.
- Get your morning routine set in stone. That is the only way these kids can remember to do everything they need to do is if they do exactly the same things every morning in exactly the same order. Here is our routine:
- Get up 6:50
- Make bed
- Get dressed
- Brush teeth and comb hair (All by 7:15)
- Make lunch
- Get backpack ready - by 7:30
- Eat breakfast
- Then there is usually some extra time to finish up homework, do extra reading, practice the piano, or even watch a little TV (as a special treat) before the carpool comes to pick him up.
Yes, I can hear you now, he's brushing his teeth first and then eating his breakfast, instead of vice versa. However, having the breakfast last on the list is absolutely the KEY to the whole thing. That way if he does have a rough morning, I can toss him a piece of toast and shoo him out the door. Obviously, I'm not going to make him go hungry, but if he's a little bit hungry by lunchtime, that's probably a good motivator for him to be better organized the next day.
This way, he suffers for his lack of focus and not me, because I'm not frantically running around trying to find shoes and backpacks and gloves at the last minute. Instead, he's the crazy guy running around trying to grab a bite to eat with the pressure of the carpool honking in the driveway. That's a very good natural consequence and it works very well as a motivator.
3/12/09
Organizing your Kids Part I
I know this is supposed to be a blog about organizing your house, but hey, your kids LIVE in your house so you might as well organize them too while you're at it. I'm sure their future wives or husbands will bless you for it and it might help with your sanity as well.
Launch Pad
I think a launch pad is an essential part of kid wrangling. What is a launch pad, you ask? Well, it can be just about anything - a hook, a shelf, a bulletin board, or even a chair. What you need is a specific place to keep their bookbag, coat, lunch box, and whatever other stuff that needs to go to school with them. Then whenever they have a homework assignment, or a permission slip, or a school book that needs to go with them, you put it in the launch pad and they have a pretty good chance of remembering it. Note that this tip works well for parents too!
Homework Station
This year, we started something new in addition to the launch pad. I set up a homework station - just a little plastic organizer with a collection of file folders for completed assignments, homework in progress, and papers from the school that I need to read. This really helps with getting the papers out of the bookbag, but not letting them get scattered all over my kitchen. We also incorporated extra paper, pencils and other items so he can do his homework at the kitchen table where we can supervise him.
Chore Checklist
We also started a new checklist concept this year. My son has ADHD so getting him into daily routines and patterns is extremely important. But as the old saying goes - you can lead a boy to college, but you can't make him think (or something like that!). So I sat down and thought about all the things I wanted him to do in a day - make his bed, wear clean clothes, take a shower, do his homework, practice his instrument, etc. I put them all on a checklist and put spaces for every day of the week. As he does every item every day (hopefully!), he checks it off the list and then keeps count of his check marks.
However, I needed to create some motivation for him to want to use the check list every day. So, what does every 10 year old boy want? Video games. And money. So we decided that he could not play video games until a certain number of items were checked off his list. If he got at least 13 out of the 17 items completed, he could earn up to an hour of video game time and he got a dollar of his allowance. If he got at least 15 of the 17 items done, he earned a fifty cent bonus and a bit more video time. It hasn't been a perfect system and we've refined it a bit here and there, but on the whole, it's worked better than anything else we've tried.
Room Organization
Kid's rooms can sometimes be a nightmare. I know mine always were. One thing that helps is to really cut back on the amount of stuff they have to deal with. Several years back, I started banning toys from the bedrooms and that was the best decision I ever made. The only things I allow them to have in their rooms are clothes, books, and stuffed animals and that makes it a lot easier. I also make sure there is a large laundry basket and a trash can. I just recently labeled his drawers and that is also a big help, but you need to go in a couple of times a year and just help them to reorganize and restructure a bit.
On Line Organization
One thing that has been a big help to me is my Google calendar. I have the ability to set up recurring reminders on both my account and both my son's accounts. I set up a schedule of reminders to clean the cat boxes, clean their rooms, have my older son and husband check the fluids in the cars, empty the trash cans, and do the vaccuuming. That has been a really big help because I'm terrible about remembering to do things on a set schedule. But my computer remembers for me just fine!
Truth or Consequences
In order to accomplish all this, you need to have some consequences in place for when the kids don't do the things they are supposed to do. We have several different methods that work for us. First of all, it is a standing rule that if someone doesn't do an assigned chore, they not only have to do the chore the next day, they also have to do a penalty chore of my choosing. We also have something fun where if they don't make their beds or do some other simple chore, their brother can do it and charge them $1 fee. That's actually a pretty good incentive because it really ticks them off. And on the chore checklist, if I catch him marking down anything he hasn't actually done, there is a two day penalty of loss of video games. Yes, I'm a mean Mommy, but it's working and it's saving my sanity, so I declare it a good thing!
Stop by next time and I'll give you some ideas for getting kids up and out the door in record time!
3/10/09
My SITS Spring Fling Contest
Welcome SITsas and friends! My most favorite blog site - The Secret is in the Sauce or "SITS" is having their Spring Fling event today. They are not only offering a fabulous giveaway every hour all day long, but just about every SITS member is offering a give away on their blog. All you have to do is click the pretty button below to go to the site and pick which contests you'd like to enter. Fun stuff!
Naturally, I have to have a giveaway too. I have a great report for you of "Smart Tips for Smart Grocery Shoppers" and I'll include my quick 'n easy grocery list form, so you can put together your grocery list in 5 minutes or less and not forget anything you need.
There are three ways to enter the giveaway - 1. Share your favorite cleaning tip in a comment below for one entry. 2. Click my Subscription button and sign up for a new subscription for two entries. 3. If you are in the Salt Lake area, you can sign up for my next Messy Moms class which starts in two weeks. Details are in the post above and you can click on the Paypal button to pay (or I accept checks, cash, or other credit cards). That will get you an extra 5 entries!
Then click on the SITS button above to go back to the site and enter more giveaways!
This contest is now over. I've picked the winner via a randomizer.
The winner is Tamara at Tamben7996 (I had two Tamara's in my comments). I'll be contacting you to get an address to mail your report to. Thanks so much to everyone for entering my giveaway.
Naturally, I have to have a giveaway too. I have a great report for you of "Smart Tips for Smart Grocery Shoppers" and I'll include my quick 'n easy grocery list form, so you can put together your grocery list in 5 minutes or less and not forget anything you need.
There are three ways to enter the giveaway - 1. Share your favorite cleaning tip in a comment below for one entry. 2. Click my Subscription button and sign up for a new subscription for two entries. 3. If you are in the Salt Lake area, you can sign up for my next Messy Moms class which starts in two weeks. Details are in the post above and you can click on the Paypal button to pay (or I accept checks, cash, or other credit cards). That will get you an extra 5 entries!
Then click on the SITS button above to go back to the site and enter more giveaways!
This contest is now over. I've picked the winner via a randomizer.
|
|
The winner is Tamara at Tamben7996 (I had two Tamara's in my comments). I'll be contacting you to get an address to mail your report to. Thanks so much to everyone for entering my giveaway.
3/8/09
Declutter Weekend
I had a very productive weekend! We were having a big party for my husband's birthday - about 18 people, so went spent most of the weekend tidying up and getting ready for the party. In the course of doing all that, we ended up removing a TRUCKLOAD of unneeded stuff out of our house. Yes, a truckload! And when you consider that our house isn't really all that cluttered, that is quite an achievement.
Here's how we did it. First I organized all the movies. This project has been in progress for a couple of weeks. As we have been repainting our basement, I decided to switch my movies and my books. I had half the books in our built-in bookshelf downstairs and half in a freestanding bookcase in my guest room and the same thing with the movies - half in the basement and half upstairs. So I decided to switch them and get them all in the same place, so it would make more sense. Here is the final result:
I sorted out all the movies by category and labeled each shelf to help keep them organized. There are chick flicks, kids movies, westerns (my husband has a whole shelf!), action movies, comedies, and dramas. As I was doing this, I sorted out all of our old home movies and put them in a special place where they would be extra safe and I also weeded out a large box of VHS movies that were either duplicates, or ones we had taped off of TV. I made a list of those movies so we can work on buying them on DVD a few at a time. I wish I'd thought to take a before picture, but believe me, it didn't look all nice & neat like this. Movies were stacked up all haphazard and messy taking up a lot more room.
Here is the final result on the bookshelves:
Again, a great improvement, though I didn't really get rid of very many books. I had already decluttered two big boxes of them before we moved into this house two years ago.
While I was putting all the movies in order, I had my son bring up his whole toy box, one drawer at a time. Now that he's 10 and very into video games and computers, he doesn't play much with toys any more. So I asked him to pick out 5 or 10 toys out of each drawer that he really wanted to keep and the rest of them went into the giveaway box. Fortunately, he's always very good natured about this and doesn't seem to mind giving away toys as long as he can keep his favorites. In fact, I think he's a little relieved to have a bit less to deal with. So, that added 2 more big boxes to the truckload.
Then our DVD player broke. I know perfectly well that we wouldn't ever get around to getting it fixed, so I just had my husband borrow the one from our basement TV for upstairs and put the old one in the truck. We have a Tivo downstairs so we rarely watch DVD's down there anyway and that's just one less piece of hardware to deal with. And I'm sure someone can take the time to fix it up.
This afternoon, I spent a couple of hours helping my youngest son organize his room. His dresser was a complete mess. Every drawer was filled to the brim with a haphazard collection of clothes with no rhyme or reason.
So we took everything out of the drawers and his closet (scary!). I sorted everything by type of clothing and size so I could see what fit and what didn't and how much we had of each type of clothing. Then I was able to determine how many drawers I needed to allocate to pants, shirts, sweatshirts, etc. In order to help him keep more organized in the future, I took my handy-dandy label maker and neatly labeled each drawer so he will know exactly where to put his clothes away and where to find clothes when he wants them. I was surprised at how many really nice items of clothing he had that were going unworn because they were hiding around at the bottom of a drawer under a stack of outgrown clothing.
That little exercise netted us a large bag of trash, plus a large box full of nice outgrown clothes and shoes. I'm sure a homeless shelter or other charity will definitely appreciate them. It was a lot of work, but it does feel so nice to have all our books, movies, toys, and kids clothing so nice and organized.
Here's how we did it. First I organized all the movies. This project has been in progress for a couple of weeks. As we have been repainting our basement, I decided to switch my movies and my books. I had half the books in our built-in bookshelf downstairs and half in a freestanding bookcase in my guest room and the same thing with the movies - half in the basement and half upstairs. So I decided to switch them and get them all in the same place, so it would make more sense. Here is the final result:
I sorted out all the movies by category and labeled each shelf to help keep them organized. There are chick flicks, kids movies, westerns (my husband has a whole shelf!), action movies, comedies, and dramas. As I was doing this, I sorted out all of our old home movies and put them in a special place where they would be extra safe and I also weeded out a large box of VHS movies that were either duplicates, or ones we had taped off of TV. I made a list of those movies so we can work on buying them on DVD a few at a time. I wish I'd thought to take a before picture, but believe me, it didn't look all nice & neat like this. Movies were stacked up all haphazard and messy taking up a lot more room.Here is the final result on the bookshelves:
Again, a great improvement, though I didn't really get rid of very many books. I had already decluttered two big boxes of them before we moved into this house two years ago.
While I was putting all the movies in order, I had my son bring up his whole toy box, one drawer at a time. Now that he's 10 and very into video games and computers, he doesn't play much with toys any more. So I asked him to pick out 5 or 10 toys out of each drawer that he really wanted to keep and the rest of them went into the giveaway box. Fortunately, he's always very good natured about this and doesn't seem to mind giving away toys as long as he can keep his favorites. In fact, I think he's a little relieved to have a bit less to deal with. So, that added 2 more big boxes to the truckload.
Then our DVD player broke. I know perfectly well that we wouldn't ever get around to getting it fixed, so I just had my husband borrow the one from our basement TV for upstairs and put the old one in the truck. We have a Tivo downstairs so we rarely watch DVD's down there anyway and that's just one less piece of hardware to deal with. And I'm sure someone can take the time to fix it up.
This afternoon, I spent a couple of hours helping my youngest son organize his room. His dresser was a complete mess. Every drawer was filled to the brim with a haphazard collection of clothes with no rhyme or reason.
So we took everything out of the drawers and his closet (scary!). I sorted everything by type of clothing and size so I could see what fit and what didn't and how much we had of each type of clothing. Then I was able to determine how many drawers I needed to allocate to pants, shirts, sweatshirts, etc. In order to help him keep more organized in the future, I took my handy-dandy label maker and neatly labeled each drawer so he will know exactly where to put his clothes away and where to find clothes when he wants them. I was surprised at how many really nice items of clothing he had that were going unworn because they were hiding around at the bottom of a drawer under a stack of outgrown clothing.
That little exercise netted us a large bag of trash, plus a large box full of nice outgrown clothes and shoes. I'm sure a homeless shelter or other charity will definitely appreciate them. It was a lot of work, but it does feel so nice to have all our books, movies, toys, and kids clothing so nice and organized.
3/6/09
Quick cooking tip
Here is a quick and easy cooking tip I learned from a book called Queen of the Castle. It's called Whack-a-meal. What you do is pre-brown your hamburger using your crock pot. You put a couple of pounds of hamburger in your crock pot and leave it for 4 hours on low - stir every hour or so.
Then you drain it and let it cool. Then put it into gallon sized zip lock freezer bags. Be sure to get it as flat as you can and get all the air out so it won't get burned in the freezer. When you're ready to use it, you just whack it on the counter a few times to loosen up the frozen hamburger and pop it into your recipe. Isn't that clever?
Then you drain it and let it cool. Then put it into gallon sized zip lock freezer bags. Be sure to get it as flat as you can and get all the air out so it won't get burned in the freezer. When you're ready to use it, you just whack it on the counter a few times to loosen up the frozen hamburger and pop it into your recipe. Isn't that clever?
3/4/09
New Messy Mom's Workshop for March
I am getting ready to set up a new Messy Mom's workshop starting in March. To give you a little background on my workshops, they are four week sessions that are taught right in my living room. I try to pattern my classes in a way that is similar to the Weight Watcher's format - each week we have a combination of lesson time and time for sharing our experiences. I want to hear what challenges each person has and whether or not they have benefited from the previous week's lessons. That helps me fine-tune the workshop to provide the most helpful information to you.
The reason I have it as a four week workshop is to give my students a chance to build on each week's lesson. Let's face it, we've all been down this road before, many of us several times and we have to build up our credibility all over again, both with ourselves and with our families. We've all tried the latest and greatest gimmicks, books, websites, and advice from friends and family to get our darn houses cleaned up! Some methods have been more successful than others, but I don't know many people who have had the opportunity who have been able to attend a live class like this to get ideas from a real person in a way that works for them.
Here is the basic plan for the 4 week workshop:
Week 1 - Basic daily cleaning routines and your vision for the home you want to create
Week 2 - The easy way to declutter your house and what to get rid of and how
Week 3 - Get your family on board. How to get your family to participate in the daily cleaning process without fussing, arguing and nagging, and how to get them to show more appreciation for your efforts.
Week 4 - Resources to keep you going in the future/Getting your finances in order
The base cost of the workshop is $50 for the series - prepaid. I offer a 10% discount for signing up with a friend or relative and the first 5 people to sign up with receive a free gift.
I'm starting a new advertising program, so I am expecting these classes to fill up pretty quickly. If you want to reserve a spot, you'll want to contact me pretty quickly. Click HERE to E-mail me for more info or click the Paypal button to sign up for a class.
The reason I have it as a four week workshop is to give my students a chance to build on each week's lesson. Let's face it, we've all been down this road before, many of us several times and we have to build up our credibility all over again, both with ourselves and with our families. We've all tried the latest and greatest gimmicks, books, websites, and advice from friends and family to get our darn houses cleaned up! Some methods have been more successful than others, but I don't know many people who have had the opportunity who have been able to attend a live class like this to get ideas from a real person in a way that works for them.
Here is the basic plan for the 4 week workshop:
Week 1 - Basic daily cleaning routines and your vision for the home you want to create
Week 2 - The easy way to declutter your house and what to get rid of and how
Week 3 - Get your family on board. How to get your family to participate in the daily cleaning process without fussing, arguing and nagging, and how to get them to show more appreciation for your efforts.
Week 4 - Resources to keep you going in the future/Getting your finances in order
The base cost of the workshop is $50 for the series - prepaid. I offer a 10% discount for signing up with a friend or relative and the first 5 people to sign up with receive a free gift.
I'm starting a new advertising program, so I am expecting these classes to fill up pretty quickly. If you want to reserve a spot, you'll want to contact me pretty quickly. Click HERE to E-mail me for more info or click the Paypal button to sign up for a class.
Slacking off a bit
Dear blog friends - I hope you don't think I'm ignoring you. I know I haven't posted as often as I normally do, or visited your blogs as much either, but it's just been busy lately. I've had 4 stamping events to prepare for over the last two weeks, so I've been spending a LOT of time in my stamp room lately and my husband has been making rather pointed comments about me staying up later and later to mess around on my computer.
So, I've decided to just cut myself a little bit of a break and not give myself a hard time if I don't get my posts put together as often as I would like. Hope you understand!
So, I've decided to just cut myself a little bit of a break and not give myself a hard time if I don't get my posts put together as often as I would like. Hope you understand!
3/1/09
Learning to Let Go
I think I am in a unique position to understand the importance of not hoarding things. Over the course of our marriage, we have lost all four of our parents and had to clean out two full houses worth of "stuff". And believe me, these people were hoarders. Not the scary type of hoarders who save mountains of newspapers and stuff, but normal Mom & Pop type hoarders.
It made me sad when I was going through my Mom's house, particularly her craft room, which was crammed to the rafters with unfinished projects, art supplies, and expensive, unread craft books. I kept thinking if she'd spent more of that time and money on doing fun stuff with us instead of all this useless junk, what great memories I would have instead of cussing her while I was wading through all this stuff and trying to sell it for pennies on the dollar at an estate sale.
You need to think long term and realize how this might come to roost on your children. If things go in the normal way, you might have 20, 30, or even 40 years before this becomes an issue, but we all know that this can happen very unexpectedly. My cousin and his wife died suddenly and violently in their mid-30's and left behind 3 orphaned children. Things like that happen sometimes, and if something terrible like that happens, do you want your children to have to deal with your whole house full of junk, in addition to all the other traumatic stuff they would have to deal with?
Cleaning out a house after a death is a terrible thing. It's exhausting, both physically and emotionally, it's heartbreaking, it's frustrating and annoying, and it's just about the least fun thing you can imagine doing. My in-laws were very clean people and not pack rats (so we thought) but we had a big eye opener when we started digging into the drawers and closets and all the little hidden areas of the house - ugh! They had saved every pay stub, every birthday card, every paid bill, and 20 years worth of bank statements - what a mess. And because we were out of state, we had three days to do the whole house. I've never worked so hard in my entire life and my kids and husband did too. Everyone hated me by the end of the week, but we got most of it done and the neighbors and people from Goodwill had to deal with the rest of it.
So take a minute a go around your house and put yourself in your kid's shoes and imagine them having to deal with your house if something happened to you. Then take some action and get rid of some of that stuff.
On another note - do you have a will and a trust? Yes, I can see your eyes rolling. I can see that guilty look on your face. This is something you HAVE TO DO! Yes, I am yelling. As I said, we have lost 4 parents and not one of them had a really proper will set up and it cost us THOUSANDS of dollars - real serious actual dollars that we could have used to buy cars, pay for college, or put towards retirement and instead it was just wasted on lawyers, court fees, and other unnecessary expenses. I think most people have no idea at all about what happens to your property after you die. Let's look at two scenarios:
John and Sally are married and own a house that is in both of their names. They have two kids and no will. John suddenly has a heart attack and dies. In this scenario, Sally would have no access to any money other than what she can grab out of their checking account or what she might have stashed in her name. She can't sell the house, his vehicle, or any personal belongings of his until it is cleared by the court, which may take months and will require very high cost legal representation. Our lawyer cost us $38,000 for a simple transfer of property. If you can't come up with that kind of money (and who can these days?), you are going to be stuck with a property that you can't easily sell and will still have to make payments on and maintain.
If the estate is large enough to require probate, the state will automatically take 10-18% right off the top. Chew on that for a minute. Sally will most likely be awarded custody of the children, but if some relative decides to kick up a fuss and paint a bad picture of her, that could even be a chancy thing and they could end up placed with another relative or even in foster care. And in the meantime, Sally is grieving, trying to figure out how she is going to support her family, dealing with insurance companies, and lawyers, and real estate agents, maybe for the first time ever and she is going to be tearing her hair out and downing tranquilizers just to keep her sanity.
Now here is the second scenario. Same circumstances, but John and Sally had a properly written will and have a simple trust set up with their house and all their major property in it. The house, vehicles, and all other property passes smoothly and automatically to Sally and all she has to do is show the death certificate to the proper parties and have John's name removed from the assets. She can mortgage them or start selling them the day after the funeral if she so chooses with no questions asked, no lawyers needed, and a minimum of taxes to be paid. Custody of the children is prearranged with backup plans set in place as needed if both couples were to die or become incapacitated.
Which scenario would you choose? I know which one we would. About a month after my father-in-law passed and we saw what a heck of a mess we were in for with his estate, we found a good estate lawyer for our own estate. We didn't have to go far, we found one right at the end of our street. We sat down with him for about 2 hours, answered some questions, made some decisions, and paid him about $1,000, which was without a doubt the best money we've ever spent! Then in less than a week, we had a will for each of us, a trust, power of attorney forms, guardianship forms and everything needed for every possible combination of catastrophes that could befall our family.
That's more than I usually share in a public blog about my finances, but this is something I feel so strongly about. As an adult, you have a duty to put your business in order to protect your family - you just have to. You need life insurance, wills, backup custody plans, the whole enchilada. 'Cuz I've been on the receiving end of a situation like this and I'll tell you, it ain't a pretty picture and it is easily the most stressful period of my life and I'm not about to put my kids through all that and I hope you won't either.
It made me sad when I was going through my Mom's house, particularly her craft room, which was crammed to the rafters with unfinished projects, art supplies, and expensive, unread craft books. I kept thinking if she'd spent more of that time and money on doing fun stuff with us instead of all this useless junk, what great memories I would have instead of cussing her while I was wading through all this stuff and trying to sell it for pennies on the dollar at an estate sale.
You need to think long term and realize how this might come to roost on your children. If things go in the normal way, you might have 20, 30, or even 40 years before this becomes an issue, but we all know that this can happen very unexpectedly. My cousin and his wife died suddenly and violently in their mid-30's and left behind 3 orphaned children. Things like that happen sometimes, and if something terrible like that happens, do you want your children to have to deal with your whole house full of junk, in addition to all the other traumatic stuff they would have to deal with?
Cleaning out a house after a death is a terrible thing. It's exhausting, both physically and emotionally, it's heartbreaking, it's frustrating and annoying, and it's just about the least fun thing you can imagine doing. My in-laws were very clean people and not pack rats (so we thought) but we had a big eye opener when we started digging into the drawers and closets and all the little hidden areas of the house - ugh! They had saved every pay stub, every birthday card, every paid bill, and 20 years worth of bank statements - what a mess. And because we were out of state, we had three days to do the whole house. I've never worked so hard in my entire life and my kids and husband did too. Everyone hated me by the end of the week, but we got most of it done and the neighbors and people from Goodwill had to deal with the rest of it.
So take a minute a go around your house and put yourself in your kid's shoes and imagine them having to deal with your house if something happened to you. Then take some action and get rid of some of that stuff.
On another note - do you have a will and a trust? Yes, I can see your eyes rolling. I can see that guilty look on your face. This is something you HAVE TO DO! Yes, I am yelling. As I said, we have lost 4 parents and not one of them had a really proper will set up and it cost us THOUSANDS of dollars - real serious actual dollars that we could have used to buy cars, pay for college, or put towards retirement and instead it was just wasted on lawyers, court fees, and other unnecessary expenses. I think most people have no idea at all about what happens to your property after you die. Let's look at two scenarios:
John and Sally are married and own a house that is in both of their names. They have two kids and no will. John suddenly has a heart attack and dies. In this scenario, Sally would have no access to any money other than what she can grab out of their checking account or what she might have stashed in her name. She can't sell the house, his vehicle, or any personal belongings of his until it is cleared by the court, which may take months and will require very high cost legal representation. Our lawyer cost us $38,000 for a simple transfer of property. If you can't come up with that kind of money (and who can these days?), you are going to be stuck with a property that you can't easily sell and will still have to make payments on and maintain.
If the estate is large enough to require probate, the state will automatically take 10-18% right off the top. Chew on that for a minute. Sally will most likely be awarded custody of the children, but if some relative decides to kick up a fuss and paint a bad picture of her, that could even be a chancy thing and they could end up placed with another relative or even in foster care. And in the meantime, Sally is grieving, trying to figure out how she is going to support her family, dealing with insurance companies, and lawyers, and real estate agents, maybe for the first time ever and she is going to be tearing her hair out and downing tranquilizers just to keep her sanity.
Now here is the second scenario. Same circumstances, but John and Sally had a properly written will and have a simple trust set up with their house and all their major property in it. The house, vehicles, and all other property passes smoothly and automatically to Sally and all she has to do is show the death certificate to the proper parties and have John's name removed from the assets. She can mortgage them or start selling them the day after the funeral if she so chooses with no questions asked, no lawyers needed, and a minimum of taxes to be paid. Custody of the children is prearranged with backup plans set in place as needed if both couples were to die or become incapacitated.
Which scenario would you choose? I know which one we would. About a month after my father-in-law passed and we saw what a heck of a mess we were in for with his estate, we found a good estate lawyer for our own estate. We didn't have to go far, we found one right at the end of our street. We sat down with him for about 2 hours, answered some questions, made some decisions, and paid him about $1,000, which was without a doubt the best money we've ever spent! Then in less than a week, we had a will for each of us, a trust, power of attorney forms, guardianship forms and everything needed for every possible combination of catastrophes that could befall our family.
That's more than I usually share in a public blog about my finances, but this is something I feel so strongly about. As an adult, you have a duty to put your business in order to protect your family - you just have to. You need life insurance, wills, backup custody plans, the whole enchilada. 'Cuz I've been on the receiving end of a situation like this and I'll tell you, it ain't a pretty picture and it is easily the most stressful period of my life and I'm not about to put my kids through all that and I hope you won't either.
2/18/09
A Little Funny for you!
Here's a cute little poem I found that seems very appropriate for our situation. I write on my computer as the laundry and dishes are sitting there waiting to be done. Guess it applies to me as much as anyone!
Cleaning Poem
I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'computering',
And I had to answer 'yes.'
He told me to get off my fanny
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick....
I was just admiring my work...
I didn't mean to 'click.'
But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site.
That I got SO way into.
I was into it all night.
Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess....
While I sit here on my hiney.
2/17/09
Working with your Personal Style Part 3
I promised you another installation in my Personal Style series. I've been reading a book called Do It Tomorrow and Other Secrets of Time Management by Mark Forester. This is a very interesting book and I'm only partway through it. But so far, he's got some really unique and interesting ideas.
He talks about our two types of brains - the rational and reactive minds. The reactive brain is basically our human version of animal instincts. This is what allows us to react quickly when we sense danger, or when we spot an opportunity that would be helpful to us, such as a great sale item, or the last donut in the breakroom.
This mind has some advantages and some disadvantages. One disadvantage is that we may see certainly things as a threat that aren't really a threat. For instance, I don't much like exercise and my reactive brain sees it as a threat to me, even though my rational brain knows it is good for me. So there is this constant battle going on between the two minds and that is what makes it so difficult for me to exercise and lose the weight I want to.
This is why willpower doesn't usually work to help us change the habits we want to fix, such as cleaning and organizing our house because we've got this constant tug-of-war going on between the two parts of our brain. So, what's a girl to do? Well, the nice thing about the reactive brain is that it isn't very smart. So you have to think of some ways to outwit it and those are some of the strategies he talks about in the book.
One strategy would be to just bring it out into the open. When you find yourself being resistant to doing something, by avoiding it or procrastinating on starting a task, you need to call yourself on it. Realize what you are doing and take a moment to really think about it. Reiterate why this task is important to you and why it needs to be done, then think about why you might feel it would be a threat to you. Most of the time you'll find that there really isn't any serious threat to what you want to accomplish and you'll be able to talk yourself into doing it.
Another way to do it would be to kind of "sneak up on it". Tell yourself that you have no intention of starting this task, but that you want to get the materials ready just in case you might need them. For example - tell yourself that you have no intention whatsoever of doing the dishes, but you just feel like running a sink full of hot soapy water. Then tell yourself that you'll just put one pot in to soak, maybe two, but no more. Then tell yourself that it's a shame to waste that nice soapy water, so you'll put the rest of the dishes in just to soak. By then, you've probably shut down the alarm bell in your reactive mind and you can get in there and finish washing the dishes with no more resistance.
Another strategy is to acknowledge that this task is hard for you for some reason. I have a devil of a time making phone calls -to anyone and for any reason, including businesses and close family members. I just lost a close friend of the family this week and I am feeling terrible because I only managed to call her just once this year.
This is a classic example of my reactive brain seeing this action as a threat and doing everything possible to prevent me from doing it, regardless of what my rational brain is telling me about why I need to do it. One way to get around this might be to promise myself a treat of some kind every time I manage to pick up the phone. Hey it works for dogs and dolphins, why not me?
Another strategy might be to put some kind of penalty on not doing it. For instance, I tell my husband that I need to make a phone call today and then I tell him I have to pay him $1 if I haven't made the call by the end of the day. I do this with my kids sometimes. If they don't make their beds, their brother has the right to go in and make it for them and charge them a $1 fee. But you have to pick a family member who is willing to follow through on this and apply the penalty consistently if you don't do the task.
This is what Mark calls restructuring your life to support good habits. It's like putting your credit cards in the freezer. It makes it just difficult enough to use them that you likely won't bother to do it. He even suggested a new idea of setting up a credit card with a built-in "tattletale" feature. Every time you spend more than XX dollars, an E-mail is sent to your husband - or your Mom! Boy, that would sure make me think twice about overspending!
He talks about our two types of brains - the rational and reactive minds. The reactive brain is basically our human version of animal instincts. This is what allows us to react quickly when we sense danger, or when we spot an opportunity that would be helpful to us, such as a great sale item, or the last donut in the breakroom.
This mind has some advantages and some disadvantages. One disadvantage is that we may see certainly things as a threat that aren't really a threat. For instance, I don't much like exercise and my reactive brain sees it as a threat to me, even though my rational brain knows it is good for me. So there is this constant battle going on between the two minds and that is what makes it so difficult for me to exercise and lose the weight I want to.
This is why willpower doesn't usually work to help us change the habits we want to fix, such as cleaning and organizing our house because we've got this constant tug-of-war going on between the two parts of our brain. So, what's a girl to do? Well, the nice thing about the reactive brain is that it isn't very smart. So you have to think of some ways to outwit it and those are some of the strategies he talks about in the book.
One strategy would be to just bring it out into the open. When you find yourself being resistant to doing something, by avoiding it or procrastinating on starting a task, you need to call yourself on it. Realize what you are doing and take a moment to really think about it. Reiterate why this task is important to you and why it needs to be done, then think about why you might feel it would be a threat to you. Most of the time you'll find that there really isn't any serious threat to what you want to accomplish and you'll be able to talk yourself into doing it.
Another way to do it would be to kind of "sneak up on it". Tell yourself that you have no intention of starting this task, but that you want to get the materials ready just in case you might need them. For example - tell yourself that you have no intention whatsoever of doing the dishes, but you just feel like running a sink full of hot soapy water. Then tell yourself that you'll just put one pot in to soak, maybe two, but no more. Then tell yourself that it's a shame to waste that nice soapy water, so you'll put the rest of the dishes in just to soak. By then, you've probably shut down the alarm bell in your reactive mind and you can get in there and finish washing the dishes with no more resistance.
Another strategy is to acknowledge that this task is hard for you for some reason. I have a devil of a time making phone calls -to anyone and for any reason, including businesses and close family members. I just lost a close friend of the family this week and I am feeling terrible because I only managed to call her just once this year.
This is a classic example of my reactive brain seeing this action as a threat and doing everything possible to prevent me from doing it, regardless of what my rational brain is telling me about why I need to do it. One way to get around this might be to promise myself a treat of some kind every time I manage to pick up the phone. Hey it works for dogs and dolphins, why not me?
Another strategy might be to put some kind of penalty on not doing it. For instance, I tell my husband that I need to make a phone call today and then I tell him I have to pay him $1 if I haven't made the call by the end of the day. I do this with my kids sometimes. If they don't make their beds, their brother has the right to go in and make it for them and charge them a $1 fee. But you have to pick a family member who is willing to follow through on this and apply the penalty consistently if you don't do the task.
This is what Mark calls restructuring your life to support good habits. It's like putting your credit cards in the freezer. It makes it just difficult enough to use them that you likely won't bother to do it. He even suggested a new idea of setting up a credit card with a built-in "tattletale" feature. Every time you spend more than XX dollars, an E-mail is sent to your husband - or your Mom! Boy, that would sure make me think twice about overspending!
2/11/09
The Only 4 Things to do with Paper
By Marcia Francois
One of the most popular questions I get from blog and mailing list readers is this: How do I control all the paper?!
I understand your frustration completely because when I get lazy, that's the first area that goes out of control for me too.
The first thing you have to do is decide to make some decisions. I like using a timer because I'm naturally competitive (anyone relate?) and that inspires me to take action, and quickly too!
Before you start, gather the following items:
1. a timer
2. wastepaper basket
3. brightly coloured pen (I like a nice thick red gel pen)
4. notebook and/ or planner
5. post-its (the originals, not the cheap stuff)
Right, now you're set!
There are only four actions you're allowed to do once you've scanned each piece of paper. Don't take longer than 30 seconds to scan the page.
1. Dump it
Throw it in the bin. The more ruthless you are, the less you have to file! Win-win! If you only need one piece of information, write it down in your notebook and throw the piece of paper away. Some of you are hyperventilating at this point - that's okay ;)
2. Delegate it
If someone else has to attend to it (husband needs to phone), write the action on the paper itself or on a post-it note stuck on the page and put it in a separate pile.
3. File it
Please do yourself a favour and only put paper in this pile if you ABSOLUTELY need to reference it. Just a quick stat for you - only 20% of filed papers are ever referenced again.
Use your post-it pad for different categories. For example, when I'm sorting my paper, I use Household, Marcia, Dion and Business as my categories.
4. Do it
Here I apply the two-minute rule. If you can do it in two minutes or less, do it right there and then. When I say "do it", I mean either action it or schedule it to action later.
For example, if you're working through your papers at 10pm and need to make an appointment, you can't phone right there and then, so write it on tomorrow's to-do list. That's within two minutes and it counts.
There you have it - the only four things to do with paper. If you stick to making decisions, your paper will be beautifully organised in no time at all. Now all you have to do is keep a regular "date" with the papers.
Want to use this article in your ezine or on your blog? You may, as long as you include this complete blurb.
Marcia Francois is a time management and organising coach who empowers small business owners and other busy professionals who want to make the most of their time. You'll get simple, practical organising and time management secrets to help you work less and enjoy life more! Visit http://takechargesolutions.org for your free Organising Success Pack.
One of the most popular questions I get from blog and mailing list readers is this: How do I control all the paper?!
I understand your frustration completely because when I get lazy, that's the first area that goes out of control for me too.
The first thing you have to do is decide to make some decisions. I like using a timer because I'm naturally competitive (anyone relate?) and that inspires me to take action, and quickly too!
Before you start, gather the following items:
1. a timer
2. wastepaper basket
3. brightly coloured pen (I like a nice thick red gel pen)
4. notebook and/ or planner
5. post-its (the originals, not the cheap stuff)
Right, now you're set!
There are only four actions you're allowed to do once you've scanned each piece of paper. Don't take longer than 30 seconds to scan the page.
1. Dump it
Throw it in the bin. The more ruthless you are, the less you have to file! Win-win! If you only need one piece of information, write it down in your notebook and throw the piece of paper away. Some of you are hyperventilating at this point - that's okay ;)
2. Delegate it
If someone else has to attend to it (husband needs to phone), write the action on the paper itself or on a post-it note stuck on the page and put it in a separate pile.
3. File it
Please do yourself a favour and only put paper in this pile if you ABSOLUTELY need to reference it. Just a quick stat for you - only 20% of filed papers are ever referenced again.
Use your post-it pad for different categories. For example, when I'm sorting my paper, I use Household, Marcia, Dion and Business as my categories.
4. Do it
Here I apply the two-minute rule. If you can do it in two minutes or less, do it right there and then. When I say "do it", I mean either action it or schedule it to action later.
For example, if you're working through your papers at 10pm and need to make an appointment, you can't phone right there and then, so write it on tomorrow's to-do list. That's within two minutes and it counts.
There you have it - the only four things to do with paper. If you stick to making decisions, your paper will be beautifully organised in no time at all. Now all you have to do is keep a regular "date" with the papers.
Want to use this article in your ezine or on your blog? You may, as long as you include this complete blurb.
Marcia Francois is a time management and organising coach who empowers small business owners and other busy professionals who want to make the most of their time. You'll get simple, practical organising and time management secrets to help you work less and enjoy life more! Visit http://takechargesolutions.org for your free Organising Success Pack.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)