Here's a fabulous little tidbit from the Brat Factory, which is run by Pam Young, the lady in the decluttering video we watched.
My approach to our little brats is very simplistic. All I want us to do is become aware of our under-the- radar-of-our-conscious-mind thinking so we can behave in ways that create well-being. I decided to "play" with the concept in a light-hearted way and so I named that self-indulgent, self-defeating "voice" within me, Nelly.
I believe we were meant to glorify God within us. We are all children of God and as His children we have been given the blessed gift of choice. We get to be a mess if we want to. We get to be fat if we want to, spend more than we make if we want to OR we can "get a hold of ourselves" (that immature, self-indulgent, often hurt little part of us) and in kindness and love (two more gifts we've been given by God) shed light on our brats and remind ourselves what we REALLY want.
Remember, discipline is remembering what you REALLY want. I know you all want to thrive. I know you want clean, cozy, happy homes. I know you want free time to be creative, to read and learn and to play. It all starts within you. It's within you that you get God's strength. It's within you that you receive His love. It's within you that you decide to be organized.
Being alert and aware to the self- defeating voice takes practice and practicing that won't be admitting you have a split personality. (People with split personalities aren't aware they have turned into another person.) All we are doing with our brats is becoming aware of thoughts that won't create well-being.
My guess is your brat thinks stuff like: 'I'll put that away later. It's not fair I have to do that. I want to play on the computer now. I don't have to do that 'cause I'm big now and I can do what I want.' When we grow up we are suppose to give up our childish ways, but we don't always do that. We are such a self-indulgent society and it does not serve us well. My goal is to be mature but still have child-like qualities, not childish ways.
Childlike qualities to me are faith, optimism, curiosity, enthusiasm, joy, staying teachable, etc. Childish ways to me are selfishness, rebellion, tantrums, over-indulgence, slovenly ways etc. There is no danger in recognizing self-defeating and self-indulgent behavior and doing something about it. Quite the opposite is true. We have been given the ability to self-destruct. It's all up to us.
Flylady says there is no Magic Pill, but I think there is! Our brats are little pills sometimes and they are magic. Over the years we have ignored our inner brats and they have been able to function under-the-radar of our consciousness and stay alive all these years. They crave our attention and if we will be kind, compassionate and loving with ourselves we will be amazed at what these little pills will do!
Please visit our website at www.thebratfactor.com.
9/30/08
9/28/08
Pam & Peggy's Card File System
Well, I finally found ONE advantage to the Pam & Peggy card file system. This is a little bit like the Huck Finn system of getting your work done:
From a subscriber:
When my kids were young (they are all adults now) I was on your 3x5 cardfile system and when the neighbor children would come to my house, I made up games for them to play. One game I called "Beat the Clock" and I would give everyone a Hula Hoop to place on the floor. Then I would throw all the "3x5 job cards" that needed to be done, into the air. Whatever cards landed in their hoop were their jobs. The kids would race around the house to be the first to complete the tasks. Everyone always got a Popsicle and my kids loved the extra help doing their chores.
One boy came to visit me after he was 30 years old and told me that he cleaned my toilets more than he ever cleaned his own! My niece also made me promise to never tell her mother that she knew HOW to clean ovens and stove tops. But she certainly cleaned mine, and had fun doing it.
Your fantastic card system has been such a blessing. I was definitely a SHE and proud to say I still am. I agree with you, LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!
To order the 3x5 cardfile system click here. The Brat Factory
From a subscriber:
When my kids were young (they are all adults now) I was on your 3x5 cardfile system and when the neighbor children would come to my house, I made up games for them to play. One game I called "Beat the Clock" and I would give everyone a Hula Hoop to place on the floor. Then I would throw all the "3x5 job cards" that needed to be done, into the air. Whatever cards landed in their hoop were their jobs. The kids would race around the house to be the first to complete the tasks. Everyone always got a Popsicle and my kids loved the extra help doing their chores.
One boy came to visit me after he was 30 years old and told me that he cleaned my toilets more than he ever cleaned his own! My niece also made me promise to never tell her mother that she knew HOW to clean ovens and stove tops. But she certainly cleaned mine, and had fun doing it.
Your fantastic card system has been such a blessing. I was definitely a SHE and proud to say I still am. I agree with you, LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!
To order the 3x5 cardfile system click here. The Brat Factory
9/22/08
Great Improvements with Decluttering
I thought this was a nice little essay to share with you. I like how she's had such a dramatic transformation and didn't even realize it. That's why I'm so adamant about you taking your before and after pictures. That way you can really SEE the difference.
Dear FlyLady,
Hi, I just wanted to say thank you for what a difference you've made in my life, and very much in my marriage. When I started dating my now-husband, I lived in an apartment with my(cleaning-challenged) younger brother and two cats (one of whom made it his mission to pee everywhere, no matter what I did or sprayed on my furniture, and rugs - ew). It was cluttered, messy, smelly and, thanks largely but not entirely to the cats, dirty. My now-DH was silently horrified, and only when I reformed did he tell me how disgusting it was.
We now live in a 1-bedroom apartment with a nice open feel to it. Why? Lots and lots of clutter purging, very minimal furniture, and lots of little cleaning. Thanks to your FlyLady system, both my toilets are almost always clean, my bed has a pretty comforter and is almost always made, we have a working mail system that keeps bills at the front, and before my pre-bed moisturizing etc, I lay out my outfit for the next day (saving much sleep-fogged time in the morning!). I have especially found helpful your reflections on eliminating martyrdom, and blessing our families with cleaning, so not only is our apartment clean and welcoming, my attitude about the cleaning is also (again, mostly :)).
Several months ago, my best friend and former housemate of 3 years (I even shared a room with her for several months) came to visit and walked around the apartment thoughtfully, and finally said to me,"So... is your house always this clean?" And I just looked blank for a second while I looked around, then said, "Um, yeah, pretty much." That's when I realized what an amazing transformation has taken place.
Thanks to you FlyLady, the contrast could not be more amazing. I can assure you this transformation did not start with me, but it has become a part of me.
Thank you very much!
Flying in Northern Virginia
FlyLady here: If I can help you do one thing it is to declutter. When you do...you fling the clutter and CHAOS out of your home. It is so much easier to keep your home clean when you don't have piles of stuff sitting everywhere and falling out of closets and cabinets.
Today we are starting our Super Fling Boogie. We are in zone 4 - the master bedroom. Kelly's mission today is to declutter the tops of our dressers. The first thing to do when decluttering is to throw away anything that is trash. Those receipts, post it notes, etc that are just claiming space - toss them!. The next thing is to look at what is left on your dresser - Do you need it? Do you love it? Do you use it?
Do you have anything on your dresser that needs to be put away someplace else? Pick up, put away, then pick up and put in a give away box that you will donate later.
During the next month we will declutter in every zone. As you declutter we want you to post the pounds flung in the Super Fling Boogie Meter!! If you throw it away, donate to charity, give it to a friend or neighbor, post it on freecycle.org. ..you post the pounds on the meter. http://flylady. net/pages/ sfb_meter_ 1.asp
9/20/08
Good Tip for Fish Food
I got this tip in the mail and I thought it was great. I know that probably none of you actually have fish, but maybe you can adapt the idea into something useful. In order to stop her kids from overfeeding the fish, this lady came up with a great idea. She got one of those weekly pill dispensers at the grocery store that has a little spot for each day. Then she puts a little pinch of fish food in each little spot. That way the kids know exactly how much to feed the fish and she can tell at a glance whether the fish have been fed or not each day. I love simple, clever ideas like this!
Now how can you adapt this idea for your own use? First of all, it is great for taking your pills. I've had one for years. It's so much easier than opening up 3 or 4 different bottles and when you go on vacation, it takes up a lot less space.
They come in a larger size - we gave my husband one as part of his gag gifts for his 50th birthday, but the larger size would be nice for other things. Maybe you could put notes in it for weekly chores for your kids (or yourself!). Or you could fill it with those mini candy bars for a daily reward. Get creative!
I've also seen something similar for clothes. It's a nylon thing that hangs from the clothes bar and there are little slots to put daily outfits in. Each pocket is labeled with a day of the week. They're intended for little kids, but there's no reason you couldn't use them yourself. Wouldn't it be nice to start the work week with your clothes all picked out and ready to go for the whole week?
My Mom used to make her own TV dinners. She would save the trays from ones she'd bought, then she'd take a fill them up with chicken nuggets, those frozen french fries or tater tots and some apple sauce or pudding. Then she'd cover them with foil, stack them up and freeze them. It's not much work and it's a lot more cost effective than buying them. I've tried the month-long cooking thing where you make up large portions of several recipes and then freeze them. It's a lot of work, but my family really enjoyed them. I've done the My Girlfriend's Kitchen thing a few times too. It's a fun evening to put all the meals together and my family raves about their recipes. Maybe I'll try that again this month...
Do any of you have any good ideas like this to share?
9/18/08
Inspiration for the Day
This tidbit comes to us from Ralph Marsden who runs a site called the Daily Motivator. He has a ton of these little essays on there and for a small fee, you can have them sent directly to your mailbox every morning. What a great way to start your day!
Always something
There is always something positive that you can do. On the best of days, or in the most challenging of circumstances, you can choose to move forward.
Conditions are not as bad as they seem, nor are conditions as good as they appear. Conditions are whatever you choose to make of them.
It's up to you to take the energy of this day and give it a specific direction. Though circumstances are constantly changing, you can always choose to move in the direction of your dreams.
Of course there are complications, challenges and obstacles. And you can use them all to create your own path forward.
You are in control of your thoughts and actions. That's a powerful place from which to operate, no matter what the outside circumstances may be.
There is always something positive, productive, enriching and fulfilling that you can do. Get up, get going, and make a difference in your own special way.
-- Ralph Marston
9/16/08
Good tip for kid's rooms
Here's a great tip from Pam of the Bratfactory.com on helping kids clean their rooms. I've tried lots of strategies, but I've never tried this one. I think it's great. You could post the pictures on the wall or the book case or whatever so they can see in a glance exactly what it's supposed to look like:
I use my camera after I clean (my boys' room) so that they can see how it is suppose to look after they clean it. It works, they try to match it toy for toy, shelf for shelf and even under the bed. They love having an example to guide them. Kim Galvan
I use my camera after I clean (my boys' room) so that they can see how it is suppose to look after they clean it. It works, they try to match it toy for toy, shelf for shelf and even under the bed. They love having an example to guide them. Kim Galvan
9/15/08
Depression
Here's an essay Flylady posted a while back about Depression. She reposts it from time-to-time because a lot of people who have problems like ours are also suffering from depression.
Here is an essay I wrote about my depression.
Dear Friends,
Many years ago when I was going though a rough time in my life; my step-father had died, my marriage was falling apart, I had lost a job because my boss had died and the list could go on for a while of all the changes that were taking place in my life. I was tired and my fatigue level kept dropping and I didn't even realize what was happening. It took a friend to see that I was depressed and needed some help. Change is difficult at best for most people, but when we get double and triple whammied we can have a hard time. For instance we have a baby. That has its own difficulties with baby blues and post partum depression. Then bringing a new baby home and the stress related to changing your routine to nurture this young life and yourself. A lot of the times you get left out.
When my friend noticed the changes in me over a few months she got me an appointment with her psychologist in Memphis. She asked me to go with her to this appointment. She failed to tell me it was for me. I pulled myself together and we drove two hours. When we got there she informed me that the appointment was for me because I had not been myself for many months. When I look back at myself; I see me sitting for hours and not moving just sitting. I was not taking care of myself. I was barely eating.
After talking with the therapist it was suggest that I check myself into the hospital. I couldn't do that at the time. We drove home. I told my son's father (I will not call him a husband) that they wanted me to get some treatment. He said, "If you check yourself into the loony bin then don't bother coming home!" I look back and think how could someone be that inconsiderate but I am thankful for his attitude today. Because it was those words that pushed me to get help.
They made me mad and my anger helped me to feel something! I packed my bags and drove back that night. While in the treatment facility you were not allowed to take medication. This was to help people with drug dependencies. My dependency was not drugs but food. After I got out of the ten day treatment, I saw a psychiatrist. He suggested that I needed to take medication to regulate the chemicals in my brain. He told me about a brand new drug that could help me. I told him that I really didn't want to take medications but he explained that if I needed blood pressure medicine or insulin that I would not turn down those life saving drugs. I needed help to save my life because I had lost my way.
To be honest I had suicidal thoughts. That scared me. So pair that with being angry, I told him I would take the Prozac. He explained that it would take about nine days for it to get into my system. On the ninth day I woke up with a new attitude. It was as if the light had been turn on and it was no longer night all the time. This was the day I started to live again. I slowly began to gain control over my lack of feelings. I will never forget the first time I felt the cramps. I actually celebrated being able to feel pain. I had been numb with depression. Taking my medication helped me to feel again. I got over my fear of taking medication to save my life. It took the love of another person to see the drastic changes in my personality.
Then it took a surge of adrenaline from anger to get me moving. Then it took the medication to help me over the hump and onto an even playing field. When you have fallen into a depression; don't ever want to go there again. You can feel yourself sliding and you can stop the slide by recognizing the signs. In 1995 I had another tough year. I started to feel myself isolate and I stopped the slide by going to my local mental health office. I knew that God had brought me to North Carolina for a reason and I was determined to find out what that was. I am so happy that I did. As you can see, I had to go through this to help you understand that we don't have to suffer with depression. We can get help. This is what FLYing is all about; Finally Loving yourself enough to take care ofyou with babysteps. Go see your doctor, establish simple habits to help relieve stress; go to bed at a decent hour and get out in the sun and do some loving movement.
Don't be ashamed to take your medications. For more information on depression; I went to the Mayo Clinic. http://www.mayoclin ic.com/health/ depression/ DS00175/DSECTION =2
FlyLady
Here is an essay I wrote about my depression.
Dear Friends,
Many years ago when I was going though a rough time in my life; my step-father had died, my marriage was falling apart, I had lost a job because my boss had died and the list could go on for a while of all the changes that were taking place in my life. I was tired and my fatigue level kept dropping and I didn't even realize what was happening. It took a friend to see that I was depressed and needed some help. Change is difficult at best for most people, but when we get double and triple whammied we can have a hard time. For instance we have a baby. That has its own difficulties with baby blues and post partum depression. Then bringing a new baby home and the stress related to changing your routine to nurture this young life and yourself. A lot of the times you get left out.
When my friend noticed the changes in me over a few months she got me an appointment with her psychologist in Memphis. She asked me to go with her to this appointment. She failed to tell me it was for me. I pulled myself together and we drove two hours. When we got there she informed me that the appointment was for me because I had not been myself for many months. When I look back at myself; I see me sitting for hours and not moving just sitting. I was not taking care of myself. I was barely eating.
After talking with the therapist it was suggest that I check myself into the hospital. I couldn't do that at the time. We drove home. I told my son's father (I will not call him a husband) that they wanted me to get some treatment. He said, "If you check yourself into the loony bin then don't bother coming home!" I look back and think how could someone be that inconsiderate but I am thankful for his attitude today. Because it was those words that pushed me to get help.
They made me mad and my anger helped me to feel something! I packed my bags and drove back that night. While in the treatment facility you were not allowed to take medication. This was to help people with drug dependencies. My dependency was not drugs but food. After I got out of the ten day treatment, I saw a psychiatrist. He suggested that I needed to take medication to regulate the chemicals in my brain. He told me about a brand new drug that could help me. I told him that I really didn't want to take medications but he explained that if I needed blood pressure medicine or insulin that I would not turn down those life saving drugs. I needed help to save my life because I had lost my way.
To be honest I had suicidal thoughts. That scared me. So pair that with being angry, I told him I would take the Prozac. He explained that it would take about nine days for it to get into my system. On the ninth day I woke up with a new attitude. It was as if the light had been turn on and it was no longer night all the time. This was the day I started to live again. I slowly began to gain control over my lack of feelings. I will never forget the first time I felt the cramps. I actually celebrated being able to feel pain. I had been numb with depression. Taking my medication helped me to feel again. I got over my fear of taking medication to save my life. It took the love of another person to see the drastic changes in my personality.
Then it took a surge of adrenaline from anger to get me moving. Then it took the medication to help me over the hump and onto an even playing field. When you have fallen into a depression; don't ever want to go there again. You can feel yourself sliding and you can stop the slide by recognizing the signs. In 1995 I had another tough year. I started to feel myself isolate and I stopped the slide by going to my local mental health office. I knew that God had brought me to North Carolina for a reason and I was determined to find out what that was. I am so happy that I did. As you can see, I had to go through this to help you understand that we don't have to suffer with depression. We can get help. This is what FLYing is all about; Finally Loving yourself enough to take care ofyou with babysteps. Go see your doctor, establish simple habits to help relieve stress; go to bed at a decent hour and get out in the sun and do some loving movement.
Don't be ashamed to take your medications. For more information on depression; I went to the Mayo Clinic. http://www.mayoclin ic.com/health/ depression/ DS00175/DSECTION =2
Are you ready to FLY? I survived and you can too. Reach out and take my hand!
FlyLady
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