The Importance of Appreciation

One very important way to get cooperation from your family members is simply by showing your appreciation for their help. A simple thank you or complimenting them on a job well done can go a long way toward building cooperation from them. One of my managers had a great plaque displayed in his office that stated this principle very clearly:

Actions that are recognized and rewarded will be repeated

I love this saying because it's very all-purpose. Notice that it doesn't just say Positive actions that are recognized.... It means ANY type of action, positive or negative. If you reward your child for whining by giving him what he wants, that negative action will be repeated. If you reward your teenager daughter by ignoring her breaking of a rule, that action will be repeated also. Similarly, if you allow a child (or a husband!) to slide by on an assigned chore without consequences, that action will be repeated as well.

But if you come home and thank your husband for unloading the dishwasher, compliment him on how nice the front lawn looks, and tell your son how proud you are that he has kept his room clean for the last few days, how likely is it that these actions will be repeated?

You might even take it a step further. I've been known to reward chores done well with surprise rewards of candy bars, liters of their favorite sodas, or other unexpected treat. I had a chore that I've been trying to get my husband to do for months and I was totally frustrated with him. His father passed away in February and he needed to sort out all the old photographs from their house and send them out to his various relatives. It was an emotional chore and I could see why he didn't want to do it, but I was tired of having the half-done task laying around in the family room. So I had a $20 gift card to a restaurant he liked. I tacked it up on the bulletin board and told him he could have it as soon as the job was done. It still took a bit more prodding, but he finally finished it this week and we used the gift card for lunch today. He even thanked me for giving him that little extra push to get the job completed.

9 Ways to Improve Your Life

This is a little article I ran cross by Dennis Harting. He has a great blog with a lot of inspirational material. It's mostly inclined towards business people, but I think it has some good advice for us as well. His blog is http://www.DennisHarting.blogspot.com.

9 Ways To Improve Your Life

1. Give more than anyone asks or expects. Become a person who goes the extra mile in all that you do. Look at each situation and determine what extra you will provide. Give without expecting anything in return, including acknowledgment from others.

2. Ease up. The old saying “someday we will laugh about this” epitomizes how unimportant many things are in the grand scheme of things. Reduce the stress by remembering that everything will work out alright. Look at each situation as an opportunity to learn and grow while remembering to laugh.

3. Master your habits. Your habits are either empowering or disempowering. Determine the habits that adversely affect you then begin the process of eliminating them.

4. Examine your closest influences. We are all products of our environment. Everyone around us has input into our personalities, beliefs, and ideals. Make sure that those who are closest to you are assisting in moving you forward rather than prohibiting your progress.

5. Entertain the child within. Remember to take time to do that which you love. Too often we get focused on the drive to move ahead that we forget to engage the child within. Recharge you batteries by spending regular time doing what you are passionate about.

6. Resolve your unfinished business. Activities left unresolved have the ability to drain a great deal of energy out of us. Reclaim this energy by cleaning up all the old business and putting it to rest. Pay the old debts, discard old things, and tie up all other loose ends.

7. Focus. Focus. Focus. Get rid of the sloppiness in life by placing extra focus upon all that you do. Develop the habit of doing one thing at a time until it is completed. Pay attention to the details that make a difference.

8. Spend time creating your life. Most people allow circumstances to dictate the type of life they lead. Set aside each day to ponder what type of life that you want to live. Consider your dreams, traits that you want, and what you would like to contribute. Become proactive in the creation of your own life.

9. Invest in the most valuable computer in the world-your mind. Read books and listen to cds that expand your knowledge base. Learn new skills that will enhance you financially, mentally, and physically. Garner and utilize the knowledge available to better your life.

Share and Enjoy!

7 Steps to a Permanently Clean Kitchen

Here is a great article by Jeff over at TheCleanTeam.com. Pop over to their website for some of the great tools he mentions here.

I am going to share a secret with you: The longer you spend thinking about cleaning your kitchen, the less time you spend actually cleaning it. Until suddenly the task has become so insurmountable that when you finally do dig in, it will take you hours of back-breaking, toothbrush-wielding work. On the other hand, if you routinely clean your kitchen as you go, you will never have more than a 20-minute clean-up in front of you. And even deep cleaning will be a cinch, since the daily chores will be done and out of the way.

Get The Edge on Discouragement

So, how do you maintain this perfect kitchen stasis, without giving up all your free time? The answer is simple: Make it a habit to clean as you go. You've no doubt heard this advice before -- and perhaps you've made a valiant effort to implement it. Maybe you've kept the kitchen clean for a few days or even a few weeks. But then life got hectic and your kids got sick and the next thing you knew, all your momentum was gone and your kitchen sink was once again full of three-day old dishes.

The discouragement of that overflowing sink is quite powerful: It makes it seem like your kitchen will never be clean again. Or worse, that the whole process of cleaning is totally futile, since even if you do spend an hour cleaning now, it will just be like this again tomorrow.

The truth is that maintaining a clean kitchen -- just like keeping up with the laundry or any other home maintenance task -- is a bit redundant. You do it, it's clean for an hour or for a day, and then it gets messy and you have to do it again. The key to not getting discouraged by the repetitive nature of cleaning your kitchen is to accept that messes happen, especially when you have young kids. A mess is not a sign that you have failed as a home manager; it is a sign that vibrant life is happening in your home, which is as it should be. Once you accept -- and embrace -- the mess, it will seem a lot less daunting to dig in and keep up with it.

Let Go of Perfectionism

Another thing holding many of you back from having a clean kitchen is your own perfectionism. What's that, you wonder? Wouldn't a perfectionist have a perfectly clean kitchen?

The answer is no -- and here's why: A perfectionist starts by washing the dishes. But as she is soaking a particularly greasy pan, she notices some hard water stains on the faucet. So she grabs a toothbrush and some hard water stain remover (Tile Juice or Scum Bum) and begins to furiously scrub her entire sink. Next thing she knows, she is using a toothpick to remove build-up from under the calking. Pretty soon, she is on her hands and knees, scouring the oven, bleaching the garbage pail and rearranging the fridge. All of this activity is caused by perfection-itis. This is an incredibly common condition that causes people to avoid doing tasks they can't do perfectly. And of course, the perfectionist's definition of perfect is a whole lot more exacting than that of the non-perfectionist.

The good news is that there is a cure for perfection-itis: Limit yourself to no more than 20 minutes of daily kitchen cleaning. Set a timer if you have to. It may seem impossible at first, but you will get used to it.

Make a List and Check it Twice

Make a master list that tells you everything you have to do each day to keep your kitchen clean. Below is a basic outline with the seven essential chores, but you may need to tweak it for your personal set-up. These tasks should take you no longer than 20 minutes, and that includes washing the dishes!

If you are a beginner at keeping a clean kitchen, you may want to print out this list and post it on your fridge as a daily reminder. If you are a perfectionist, you may want to print multiple copies, so you can cross off items as you go (perfectionists love checking off lists!).

1. Load the dishwasher. If you have a personal dishwasher rather than an electric one, make sure that all dishes are hand washed by the end of each day. Before you go to bed, all dirty dishes, pots and pans should be vanished from the sink and the countertops. I prefer to run the dishwasher at the end of each day, right before I go to bed. I pop into the kitchen, get a glass of water and press start on my dishwasher.

2. Unload the dishwasher. Start your day by emptying out the dishwasher or the dish drain. That way as new dishes get dirty throughout the day, you will have no problem popping them into the dishwasher. If your dishwasher is still full of last night's clean dishes, the dirties will quickly pile up. Avoiding the pile-up helps you to avoid feeling negative about your kitchen and yourself.

3. Wipe the counters and table (if you have one) as you go. Don't leave this task until the end of the day. It takes less than 30 seconds to wipe off your counter tops and table after preparing or eating a sandwich, so don't let those crumbs sit. Like dirty dishes, crumbs tend to multiply, which discourages you from your goal of a clean kitchen. Keep a stack of cleaning cloths under your sink, along with a spray bottle of Red Juice. Unless your crumbs/splatters really go flying, there is no need to move your toaster and any other appliances. Just clean what you can see is dirty.

4. Wipe the stovetop as you go. Like with the counter top, this is a 30-second task that should be done as it needs doing. If you wait until the end of the day, you'll end up with burnt-on messes. Instead, wipe down your stovetop as soon as you are done cooking. Let the burners cool a bit and then spray them with Red Juice and wipe with a cleaning cloth.

5. Sweep the floor. You can leave this task until the end of the day, unless there is some major Cheerio disaster at breakfast. Do a quick sweep and dump the crumbs in the garbage bin. If there are major spills, spot clean them with a paper towel or sponge. Unless your floor is a huge mess, you can leave mopping for your once-a-week cleaning. Remember: The goal is not perfection! The goal is clean.

6. Empty the garbage and sort the recycling. Depending on how much garbage you produce and how large your bin is, you may need to do this nightly, or just a few times a week. Also, be sure to wash out any containers for recycling and put them in the right place.

7. Put away mail, school papers, etc. Kitchen flat surfaces are magnets for paper clutter. Since you can't wipe off your counters or your table when they are full of permission slips and junk mail, find a central place (like a pretty basket on top of your kitchen table) to keep this stuff until you can sort through it all.

Whether your cleaning challenge is perfectionism, laziness or untested skills, these seven steps will make it a breeze for anyone to maintain a clean kitchen. None of these tasks should take longer than 3 or 4 minutes -- and most will take less than one minute. And remember the key: Accept the mess, then roll of your sleeves and dig in to clean it up.

Here's a fabulous little tidbit from the Brat Factory, which is run by Pam Young, the lady in the decluttering video we watched.

My approach to our little brats is very simplistic. All I want us to do is become aware of our under-the- radar-of-our-conscious-mind thinking so we can behave in ways that create well-being. I decided to "play" with the concept in a light-hearted way and so I named that self-indulgent, self-defeating "voice" within me, Nelly.

I believe we were meant to glorify God within us. We are all children of God and as His children we have been given the blessed gift of choice. We get to be a mess if we want to. We get to be fat if we want to, spend more than we make if we want to OR we can "get a hold of ourselves" (that immature, self-indulgent, often hurt little part of us) and in kindness and love (two more gifts we've been given by God) shed light on our brats and remind ourselves what we REALLY want.

Remember, discipline is remembering what you REALLY want. I know you all want to thrive. I know you want clean, cozy, happy homes. I know you want free time to be creative, to read and learn and to play. It all starts within you. It's within you that you get God's strength. It's within you that you receive His love. It's within you that you decide to be organized.

Being alert and aware to the self- defeating voice takes practice and practicing that won't be admitting you have a split personality. (People with split personalities aren't aware they have turned into another person.) All we are doing with our brats is becoming aware of thoughts that won't create well-being.

My guess is your brat thinks stuff like: 'I'll put that away later. It's not fair I have to do that. I want to play on the computer now. I don't have to do that 'cause I'm big now and I can do what I want.' When we grow up we are suppose to give up our childish ways, but we don't always do that. We are such a self-indulgent society and it does not serve us well. My goal is to be mature but still have child-like qualities, not childish ways.

Childlike qualities to me are faith, optimism, curiosity, enthusiasm, joy, staying teachable, etc. Childish ways to me are selfishness, rebellion, tantrums, over-indulgence, slovenly ways etc. There is no danger in recognizing self-defeating and self-indulgent behavior and doing something about it. Quite the opposite is true. We have been given the ability to self-destruct. It's all up to us.

Flylady says there is no Magic Pill, but I think there is! Our brats are little pills sometimes and they are magic. Over the years we have ignored our inner brats and they have been able to function under-the-radar of our consciousness and stay alive all these years. They crave our attention and if we will be kind, compassionate and loving with ourselves we will be amazed at what these little pills will do!

Please visit our website at www.thebratfactor.com.

Pam & Peggy's Card File System

Well, I finally found ONE advantage to the Pam & Peggy card file system. This is a little bit like the Huck Finn system of getting your work done:

From a subscriber:

When my kids were young (they are all adults now) I was on your 3x5 cardfile system and when the neighbor children would come to my house, I made up games for them to play. One game I called "Beat the Clock" and I would give everyone a Hula Hoop to place on the floor. Then I would throw all the "3x5 job cards" that needed to be done, into the air. Whatever cards landed in their hoop were their jobs. The kids would race around the house to be the first to complete the tasks. Everyone always got a Popsicle and my kids loved the extra help doing their chores.

One boy came to visit me after he was 30 years old and told me that he cleaned my toilets more than he ever cleaned his own! My niece also made me promise to never tell her mother that she knew HOW to clean ovens and stove tops. But she certainly cleaned mine, and had fun doing it.

Your fantastic card system has been such a blessing. I was definitely a SHE and proud to say I still am. I agree with you, LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!

To order the 3x5 cardfile system click here. The Brat Factory

Great Improvements with Decluttering

I thought this was a nice little essay to share with you. I like how she's had such a dramatic transformation and didn't even realize it. That's why I'm so adamant about you taking your before and after pictures. That way you can really SEE the difference.

Dear FlyLady,

Hi, I just wanted to say thank you for what a difference you've made in my life, and very much in my marriage. When I started dating my now-husband, I lived in an apartment with my(cleaning-challenged) younger brother and two cats (one of whom made it his mission to pee everywhere, no matter what I did or sprayed on my furniture, and rugs - ew). It was cluttered, messy, smelly and, thanks largely but not entirely to the cats, dirty. My now-DH was silently horrified, and only when I reformed did he tell me how disgusting it was.

We now live in a 1-bedroom apartment with a nice open feel to it. Why? Lots and lots of clutter purging, very minimal furniture, and lots of little cleaning. Thanks to your FlyLady system, both my toilets are almost always clean, my bed has a pretty comforter and is almost always made, we have a working mail system that keeps bills at the front, and before my pre-bed moisturizing etc, I lay out my outfit for the next day (saving much sleep-fogged time in the morning!). I have especially found helpful your reflections on eliminating martyrdom, and blessing our families with cleaning, so not only is our apartment clean and welcoming, my attitude about the cleaning is also (again, mostly :)).

Several months ago, my best friend and former housemate of 3 years (I even shared a room with her for several months) came to visit and walked around the apartment thoughtfully, and finally said to me,"So... is your house always this clean?" And I just looked blank for a second while I looked around, then said, "Um, yeah, pretty much." That's when I realized what an amazing transformation has taken place.

Thanks to you FlyLady, the contrast could not be more amazing. I can assure you this transformation did not start with me, but it has become a part of me.

Thank you very much!
Flying in Northern Virginia

FlyLady here: If I can help you do one thing it is to declutter. When you do...you fling the clutter and CHAOS out of your home. It is so much easier to keep your home clean when you don't have piles of stuff sitting everywhere and falling out of closets and cabinets.

Today we are starting our Super Fling Boogie. We are in zone 4 - the master bedroom. Kelly's mission today is to declutter the tops of our dressers. The first thing to do when decluttering is to throw away anything that is trash. Those receipts, post it notes, etc that are just claiming space - toss them!. The next thing is to look at what is left on your dresser - Do you need it? Do you love it? Do you use it?

Do you have anything on your dresser that needs to be put away someplace else? Pick up, put away, then pick up and put in a give away box that you will donate later.

During the next month we will declutter in every zone. As you declutter we want you to post the pounds flung in the Super Fling Boogie Meter!! If you throw it away, donate to charity, give it to a friend or neighbor, post it on freecycle.org. ..you post the pounds on the meter. http://flylady. net/pages/ sfb_meter_ 1.asp

Good Tip for Fish Food

I got this tip in the mail and I thought it was great. I know that probably none of you actually have fish, but maybe you can adapt the idea into something useful. In order to stop her kids from overfeeding the fish, this lady came up with a great idea. She got one of those weekly pill dispensers at the grocery store that has a little spot for each day. Then she puts a little pinch of fish food in each little spot. That way the kids know exactly how much to feed the fish and she can tell at a glance whether the fish have been fed or not each day. I love simple, clever ideas like this!

Now how can you adapt this idea for your own use? First of all, it is great for taking your pills. I've had one for years. It's so much easier than opening up 3 or 4 different bottles and when you go on vacation, it takes up a lot less space.

They come in a larger size - we gave my husband one as part of his gag gifts for his 50th birthday, but the larger size would be nice for other things. Maybe you could put notes in it for weekly chores for your kids (or yourself!). Or you could fill it with those mini candy bars for a daily reward. Get creative!

I've also seen something similar for clothes. It's a nylon thing that hangs from the clothes bar and there are little slots to put daily outfits in. Each pocket is labeled with a day of the week. They're intended for little kids, but there's no reason you couldn't use them yourself. Wouldn't it be nice to start the work week with your clothes all picked out and ready to go for the whole week?

My Mom used to make her own TV dinners. She would save the trays from ones she'd bought, then she'd take a fill them up with chicken nuggets, those frozen french fries or tater tots and some apple sauce or pudding. Then she'd cover them with foil, stack them up and freeze them. It's not much work and it's a lot more cost effective than buying them. I've tried the month-long cooking thing where you make up large portions of several recipes and then freeze them. It's a lot of work, but my family really enjoyed them. I've done the My Girlfriend's Kitchen thing a few times too. It's a fun evening to put all the meals together and my family raves about their recipes. Maybe I'll try that again this month...

Do any of you have any good ideas like this to share?