Ship Shape Dollars

This is a little essay from my on-line financial advisor Chellie Campbell. I think it ties in nicely with my advice about giving yourself frequent rewards.

“Money won’t make you happy…but everybody wants to find out for themselves.”—Zig Ziglar

My friend, Korey, and I went on a cruise. We worried about gaining weight, since there was so much scrumptious, abundant food supply on board that we couldn’t believe it. There were about twelve meals per day: Pre-breakfast snack, breakfast, after breakfast snack, mid-morning snack, pre-lunch snack, lunch, after lunch snack, afternoon tea, cocktail hors d’oeuvres, dinner, mid-evening snack…by the time the midnight buffet arrived, I couldn’t get so much as another cracker in my mouth!

We decided that we would counter all the food by exercising: Always using the stairs instead of the elevator, making sure to do a lot of walking, dancing in the disco, and going to aerobics class every morning.

We showed up for aerobics class the first morning bright and early. There was a good crowd at the class and the instructor, Debbie, was energetic and upbeat, so a good time was had by all. Debbie was dressed in a cute yellow Royal Caribbean T-shirt and matching visor. At the end of the hour, she gave each one of us a yellow “Ship Shape” dollar and told us that we would get one at the end of each exercise program on the ship. If we collected ten “Ship Shape” dollars, we could redeem them for a yellow T-shirt and visor just like hers. Everyone’s eyes lit up. A free prize? Cool!

You might guess that, as the week wore on, and we partied and danced ‘til the wee hours of the morning, it became increasingly difficult to get up at 7:00 A.M. to go to aerobics class. The wake up call would ring in our rooms, shattering our slothful sleep, and we would groan in chorus. I would say, “I don’t want to get up and go to aerobics this morning, do you?” Korey would say, “No…but I only have five ‘Ship Shape’ dollars. How many have you got?” “I’ve only got four—how did you get five?” “Oh, they gave me one for shuffle board yesterday.” “That’s cheating!” “No, it isn’t, it was exercise!” “Well,” I said, “I’ve got to get up and go to class so I can catch up.”
And we’d both get up and drag our tired bodies to aerobics class.

There were a lot of tired bodies there! But I noticed everyone telling versions of our story: “Well, I was really tired and didn’t want to come today, but I only have six dollars and I need four more to get my T-shirt,” or “I wanted to sleep in, but I need three more dollars!”

It was amazing how people were plugged into this competition for a T-shirt while on this cruise that cost $800 (they could definitely afford to buy themselves a T-shirt if they wanted one).

The lessons of the “Ship Shape” dollars are: 1) Rewards and prizes are fun. 2) People will work hard to get their prizes, no matter what they are. 3) The actual value of the prize doesn’t matter. 4) Therefore, pick prizes to reward yourself when you accomplish your goals!

Today’s Affirmation: “I accept rich rewards—and I deserve them!”

Some Advice from Ben Franklin

I ran across this today and I thought you'd be interested. Even though this is some 200 years out of date and the language is a bit old-fashioned, it's pretty good advice for today:

1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness and drink not to elevation.
2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.
3. Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.
4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.
5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. Waste nothing.
6. Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. Justice: Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes or habitation.
11. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; Never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
12. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Flylady sayings to help you

Here are some of Flylady's most popular sayings. I can hear these sayings going through my head sometimes and I find them helpful, so I wanted to share them with you:

These run through my head many times a day now after years of Fly-washing. You've changed my attitude in so many areas where keeping house is concerned! Thank you so much! :D (Listed in noparticular order, because they're all great.)

1. Do It Now, Girl! (DING)

2. You don't have to clean like your mother did.

3. Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family!

4. You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to just in where we are, OK?

5. Babysteps, babysteps, babysteps!
6. Your home didn't get messy overnight, and it won't get clean in a day.
7. You can do anything for 15 minutes!

8. Use a timer and make it fun!

9. FLY = Finally Loving Yourself

10. It takes 21 days to form a habit, but for SHE's, it takes a month.

That last one has actually helped me to be patient with myself and to keep sticking with the monthly habits that are sent out, because I'm mentally prepared for it to take a bit longer - but I know I can still do it! :D

Thank you for helping me to realize that even though I thought I was loving myself, I really wasn't. I'd spend too much time "doing nothing" (on the computer or whatever), thinking that was "treating myself", and not enough time loving myself enough to keep my environment peaceful. Now that my environment is gaining more and more peace each day, I realize that loving myself is looking completely different from what it used to - and it's waaaay better!

Blessings to you all,

FLYbaby in Prince George, BC, Canada

Dinner Party for 10

I had a dinner party tonight for ten people - yikes! I'd love to tell you that my house was so wonderful and spotless that I didn't have to do a thing to it, but unfortunately, that's so not the case. I did have to do some cleaning, quite a bit of it actually, but less than I would have in previous years. Back when I lived in California, it would easily have taken me three days to get ready for an event like this.

The nice thing was that I didn't have any big piles of clutter to deal with. I had a few midly cluttered areas to deal with, mostly my desk and our TV room, but mostly it was more about "scrubbing" type cleaning - sweeping, mopping, dusting, vaccuming, and scrubbing all the counters, etc. I think that's why it took so much time.

This group is a supper club group from my church. We take turns every month or so hosting dinners at each family's house. They are all dear friends, but I have to say that they really activate my home insecurities more than most of my guests. I've been to each of their houses and they are not only nicer than mine ($$$), but they are all beautifully decorated and always spotlessly clean. They always seem to pull off their turn at hosting so effortlessly. Their meals always come together so nicely (I forgot the vegetables in the microwave), they always have plenty of plates and silverware (I had to wash forks because we ran out) and everything always goes so smoothly (there was a plate in the stack with old dried food on it that the dishwasher missed - yuck!). Plus it makes me feel a little strange because my husband does most of the cooking. That's just the way we roll and he's a much better cook than I am, but I wonder what they must think of me.

I'm not sure what the lesson is here, but I guess it's just a glimpse that I am far from perfect and that I'm still on my journey too. It was kind of a flashback for me. This is probably the first time in a year or so that I've had to do the all-day crisis clean thing and I had forgotten how much I hated it. I spent a lot of time running around yelling at my family and we didn't get to do anything fun today, despite the fact that we all had a rare day off and it is the last official day of summer for my younger son. It would have been nice to have done something fun today instead of just working all day.

I think if I could go back, I'd do things a little differently. I'd have been a little more diligent in my 15 minute cleanups this week (a little too much Olympic time was a big distraction!), I would have done my Weekly Home Blessing last week and not had so much dirt to deal with this week. I would have focused my attention a little bit better by using my timer more to manage my time and been able to allow some time for something fun in the afternoon. I did use my timer a little, but not as much as I should. Usually when I'm cleaning, I take my timer and spend 10 or 15 minutes in each room and then come back for another round if time allows.

We are having another party on Sunday. We are having another family from church over for lunch after church. That's a good tip on managing your entertainment obligations. Once you get your house all cleaned up, get some extra use out of it by planning two events back-to-back. All I have to do is run the dishes through the dish washer, tidy up a few things here and there and help my husband put together another meal.

Another Top 10 Essay

This is another top 10 Essay that Flylady sent to me. I decide to include it because it not only has good information, but it's got a totally different focus than the earlier list I included. I think the social aspects they share. Many times, this issue of not having a clean house tends to keep us socially isolated from our friends and family members.

Dear FlyLady,

Mind you, there has been a lot of fluttering and flapping over the years since I've joined, and have had MANY attitude adjustments from Marla and Kelly, not to mention the help of the Flycrew, but these are my Top Ten. Amazingly enough, not many have to do with a clean house, although that's why I initially joined.These aren't in any particular order. I cherish them all.

10. Eternal youth. My kids' friends hang out here a lot, and I have time to enjoy them. They see us respect our home, and so they do too, so there goes the myth of added mess. Added bonus, I actually look "cool", knowing band names, phrases, etc., and can reassure other parents that the kids aren't doing/seeing/ listening to anything objectionable.

9. Friends and neighbors drop by often. I know so many people now that I don't rely on just family if I have a problem, and I have can focus on their problem without worrying about how the house looks. My children have a huge sense of community they might not have had otherwise.

8. Spending time with dear husband every night, talking about things other than chores, finances, or what's for dinner. We've been together for over 11 years, and I didn't realize there were still new things to discover about him.

7. Comfortable nooks and crannies. We live in a 1100 square foot home. Once we got rid of the clutter, we discovered plenty of room to read, talk or daydream. There's no cramped feeling here!

6. I've rediscovered myself. From silly things, like knowing my favorite music in 2004, to serious things, like now knowing I have a talent for teaching. I can now tell you where I want to be 5, 10, 15, and 20 years from now.

5. Self assurance. I can honestly say I feel as good about myself at a size 12 as I did at a size 6. It may not seem like much to some, but I have an extended family that is extremely weight conscious, and work with people that run marathons. No worries, I dress myself beautifully, cheer them on with their successes, and enjoy the taste of chocolate without guilt. Talk about the best of all worlds!

4. Reputation. It took several times of listening to your CDs. Guess what I got out of it? Punctuality (I use the Mom's Calendar, but what matters is I use a calendar), following through on projects, since I break them down in babysteps, and honesty, since I tell people, "No, I don't have time." There are no half hearted, half thought out projects done from my home now.

3. Self sufficient children. Since I don't expect perfection from my kids, they are more willing to learn life skills. They know more about laundry, cooking, and keeping house at 14 and 13 than I knew at 29. And they don't look at it as a punishment as I once did. They know they're worth the effort.

2. Self respect. I no longer allow myself to listen to people who build themselves up by tearing others down. At first it was directed at me. When they couldn't find faults, or a reaction, they started on others. (Some are close family that would do this. I couldn't sever ties.) When they tried to include me, I would list that person's virtues. Here's the kicker-they not only backed down, they seek my approval. ME, one they used to run down. I simply applaud them. I'm not a saint. I just made a decision long ago that I would give the encouragement that I desperately needed from FlyLady. Thank you, Marla.

1. Peace. I find peace in the knowledge that there will be times when I need to start over, after all these years. That I am a SHE, and there are lots of us. That clutter will be a constant battle, so I may as well get used to it. That I will always be a closet perfectionist, and that's why this took me over an hour to write this. And that there's peace, because I can always start over. That I had the courage to throw out thousands of pounds of clutter, and a few more ounces won't hurt me. And that I've flown before, and will fly again.

Thank you for giving me ten reasons to Finally Love Myself.

All my love, a FlyBaby in Dearborn Hts, MI

Clutter hurts our children

Here is another Flylady essay on clutter. I think this example of this child is very good. I know that most of you don't have young children like this, but if it it had this dramatic a difference on this child, how much of a difference is it for our older children and for adults even. Before we moved, I hired a cleaning lady to help us get the clutter under control. She spent almost half a day with my 19 year old son, helping him clean and organize his room and weed out several boxes of clutter. He was SO grateful to her and I think it did make him calmer and more relaxed about his room.

Dear FlyLady,

I'm writing to confirm to my FlySisters how clutter affects our mental states. My 5 y/o son was very aggressive, cranky, sassy, and demanding. I tried many discipline methods and they all failed. One day he came home from school to an empty room. I packed all his toys and threw away allt hose junky pieces tomcDonald's toys. I left him 3 matchbox cars, his Magna Doodle, legos, and crayons.

These toys I thought would help him be creative and quieter. I explained to him the basic principles of tough love, thatI only *had* to give him food and a bed. He would have to earn his toys back one at a time. Well, within 3 days I noticed a drastic difference in him. He was calmer, polite, and overall pleasant. One evening I announced that he had managed his behavior perfectly that day and he could choose any toy he wanted out of the stash, he had earned it.

He didn't want a toy, he asked for a bike ride instead. Next day, again great behavior, I offered him a toy from the stash. Again he refused, he asked me to go outside and throw the footballwith him.

My son is a FlyChild!!! He *loves* to be in his room now! He sits quietly on the floor and plays with his 3 matchbox cars ordraws with his MagnaDoodle. I do believe all the 'stuff' in his room was unsettling and overwhelming to him. Poor child couldn't find anything!! I gave him order in his room and he gave me back my sweet son *G*

I can't thank you enough!! I never thought of his 'stuff' as hindering, but alas they are!!

Top 10 Reasons Why I Love Flylady

I particularly liked this testimonial because it very much mirrors my experiences with Flylady. I don't do all of the things, like the Evening Routine and I've never managed to get on board with the Control Journal, but some things like the decluttering and the 15 minute routines have been a life saver for me.

These are the top ten things I've learned from Flylady since I joined 17 months ago. They are not in any particular order because every single one is very important to me if I want to keep on FLYing.

1. Evening routine is essential to having a good morning.

2. Looking at and taking care of the mail keeps me from building a hotspot. It also keeps me on target about paying bills on time and not having to pay interest for bills not paid on time.

3. Doing one load of laundry a day and putting it away is so much easier than forgetting about it only to spend the whole day doing and dreading it once a week.

4. I reap the rewards of watering my flowers and pulling out the dead ones 15 minutes at a time. Everyone admires my flower garden and pays me lots of compliments which make me feel so good and my house looks great.

5. Cleaning out the refrigerator and pantry once a week (the day before garbage day) is helping me to not buy a duplicate of what I already have and I'm actually starting to enjoy cooking.

6. Having a menu for the week is the best thing I could do for myself and my family. I no longer have to think about what we're having to eat daily. I write my meals down for the week on desk day. I write a list of what I need for the week on the same paper that I jotted down things that I have run out of during the week. What a blessing this has been!! We only have fast food once a month now instead of twice a week.

7. Having a control journal is essential. I use to have papers and post it notes everywhere. A paper for daily routines. A paper for passwords. Phone numbers written on post it notes everywhere (in my desk, in my purse, and on scrap pieces of paper laying on my kitchen counter). A To Do List for the day. I now have EVERYTHING in my control journal. I can now find any number I need all in one place, my control journal.

8. Having and using a calendar. I now never miss any appointments or meetings or days when I help out in my son's class. I write down EVERYTHING in my calendar... birthdays, weddings, children's projects for school, functions at school, how long I exercised that day, when the lawn company cut the grass, when I got a manicure, haircut, etc. etc.. I mean every single thing that is going on in my life is written in my calendar.

9. DECLUTTERING. Oh, that word is so important to having peace in my home. I have so much time for ME because I don't have to deal with clutter anymore. I have only kept things in my home that make me smile and that I actually use. I have decluttered every part of my home in the past 17 months. I couldn't do it all one a day. It took babysteps. A lot of babysteps.

Actually, in the beginning it was very hard to part with some of the things that I owned. I did not know how to declutter. When I would look at an item I would be asking myself the wrong questions like "How much did I pay for this?" or "Which store did I buy this at?" or I would look at the name brand to decipher whether or not I should toss it thinking oh, I paid too much for that to get rid of it. Now, when I declutter I ask myself a whole different set of questions. I ask myself if I have used or worn that particular item in the past year. Does the item make me smile when I look at it? Does it make me feel good or bad when I wear it? Do I really need two?I have a whole different outlook on shopping. I also ask myself questions when I buy something now like do I really need it? Do I have one like it at home? Can I get alot of use out of it or is it something that I will use or wear once and forget about it. I try to get rid of something at home when I buy something new to keep my closet or home from overflowing with STUFF.It is so much easier to clean without clutter being in the way to frustrate me. It definitely takes less time to clean and organize since I have a home for everything I own.

10. You have taught me how to love myself with all my imperfections. I feel like you are my therapist. I use to be a do it right or not do it at all type of person. I have learned that housework done incorrectly still blesses my home. I never believed that before. I would spend 7 hours cleaning the entire house because I thought that is the right way to clean. I never believed in just swishing and swiping. I had to clean every nook and cranny or I would not think it's clean. My house is always clean now that I have adapted your system. In the old days (pre Flylady) my house would only look clean for one day (the day I spent cleaning it for 7 hours) and messy for the next two weeks because I was so tired from cleaning that I dreaded doing it for the next couple of weeks, until I couldn't stand it anymore. I would clean here and there, but had hotspots everywhere until I major cleaned again. I admit, I had too much stuff and not a place for everything that is why I had hotspots because I didn't know what to do with the stuff.

I cry everytime you send a God Breeze or a testimonial about perfection. I do not want to be or act perfect anymore. I too, like you will not use that word anymore. I hate that word. It is so much more freeing to not obsess and do what I can 15 minutes at a time. Amazingly, I see more results that way.

May God bless you in everything you do. I believe that you are an angel sent from Heaven to help us Flybabies who really need guidance. You have taught me so much and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for EVERYTHING you've done for me. I am so glad I found you and I am proud to be one of your Flybabies.

FLYing High in Michigan