You might have noticed that I've been missing in action on this blog lately. Please don't think that I don't love you anymore - I do. It's just that the recession has kind of killed the business side of things. In this yucky economy, I had such a hard time getting ladies to sign up for my in-person classes, so I decided to give it a rest for a while until it gets to a point where people are going to be able to take classes like this again. Or until I get really ambitious and manage to come up with an on-line version of my classes, so I can offer them to the whole blogging world!
So, I will still post ideas from time to time, when I come across something new to share with you, but I won't be posting anything regularly. However, there are a ton of great ideas out there in my older posts and I'd love for you to browse through and take a look at them. They are my gift to you and I hope they help you declutter your house and change your life!
7/17/09
A Word About Expectations
I've been thinking a lot about expectations lately. I really think that expectations have a greater importance than we realize. One thing that really fascinates me are those stories where you hear about some inner city school that has been turned around in some dramatic way. There have been so many variations of that story, but I think it has some basic components.
They start with a bunch of beaten-down kids that no one ever expects can do anything. Then some leader comes in with a totally different idea than these kids have ever seen. He (or she) has a true belief that these kids can accomplish anything set before them. Then with a little hard work and discipline, these kids totally kick it into gear and not only outperform their peers, they even outperform the so-called good kids.
There have been tons of movies about situations like this - Remember the Titans, Hoosiers, Lean on Me, Stand by Me, etc. No wonder, it's a very inspiring story. In some way, it's kind of the American story. A bunch of religious rejects come over here in a boat, and 100 or so years later, we're the most prosperous nation in the world.
In this model, I think the expectations piece, is the most important part of the puzzle. The leader has to have that expectation that the people under his command can accomplish something really wonderful, and he has to believe that strongly enough to make the people being led believe it to.
So, who is the leader in your house? Well, when it comes to house cleaning, you are. Surprise! Right or wrong, the woman is nearly always the one who sets the tone for how the house is kept (or not!). So, whether you think you applied for the position or not, you are the leader - yes you! So, what are your expectations?
Well, first let's define what expectations are. Obviously, they are what you EXPECT. Now what you hope for or what you are wishing for, or what you are planning for in the future. In a way they are your standards. They are literally what you will or will not stand for both from yourself and from others.
So, what are your expectations for yourself? Will you stand for? Will you stand for living in a messy, cluttered house where you're not happy? Or will you be that inspiring leader who expects more from yourself - and others? Will it take hard work and discipline? Heck ya! But will you end up with something worthwhile in the end? Heck ya!
And what about your family - your kids and your husband, if you have one? Do you hold them to a higher standard, or do you just figure that kids are kids, or that all men are just destined to be slobs? If those are the expectations you have, how likely are these people going to live up to them? Hmmm.
But if you make up your mind that they are bright, capable people who could do a lot better with the right motivation, you might be on the way to having a house full of bright, capable people who might just help you out a bit more around the house. It's worth a try. Now go and watch some of those movies and get some good ideas, you leader you!
They start with a bunch of beaten-down kids that no one ever expects can do anything. Then some leader comes in with a totally different idea than these kids have ever seen. He (or she) has a true belief that these kids can accomplish anything set before them. Then with a little hard work and discipline, these kids totally kick it into gear and not only outperform their peers, they even outperform the so-called good kids.
There have been tons of movies about situations like this - Remember the Titans, Hoosiers, Lean on Me, Stand by Me, etc. No wonder, it's a very inspiring story. In some way, it's kind of the American story. A bunch of religious rejects come over here in a boat, and 100 or so years later, we're the most prosperous nation in the world.
In this model, I think the expectations piece, is the most important part of the puzzle. The leader has to have that expectation that the people under his command can accomplish something really wonderful, and he has to believe that strongly enough to make the people being led believe it to.
So, who is the leader in your house? Well, when it comes to house cleaning, you are. Surprise! Right or wrong, the woman is nearly always the one who sets the tone for how the house is kept (or not!). So, whether you think you applied for the position or not, you are the leader - yes you! So, what are your expectations?
Well, first let's define what expectations are. Obviously, they are what you EXPECT. Now what you hope for or what you are wishing for, or what you are planning for in the future. In a way they are your standards. They are literally what you will or will not stand for both from yourself and from others.
So, what are your expectations for yourself? Will you stand for? Will you stand for living in a messy, cluttered house where you're not happy? Or will you be that inspiring leader who expects more from yourself - and others? Will it take hard work and discipline? Heck ya! But will you end up with something worthwhile in the end? Heck ya!
And what about your family - your kids and your husband, if you have one? Do you hold them to a higher standard, or do you just figure that kids are kids, or that all men are just destined to be slobs? If those are the expectations you have, how likely are these people going to live up to them? Hmmm.
But if you make up your mind that they are bright, capable people who could do a lot better with the right motivation, you might be on the way to having a house full of bright, capable people who might just help you out a bit more around the house. It's worth a try. Now go and watch some of those movies and get some good ideas, you leader you!
7/1/09
The Broken Window Effect
There is something that researchers have discovered that is very important. They call it the broken window effect and here is how they discovered it. They did studies in average middle-class neighborhoods where they would leave something out that could easily be stolen - such as a bike, or an attractive pot of flowers, or a tire pump or something. In some cases, they made sure that the area looked very clean and respectable and in other cases, they would have a broken window or some graffiti on the wall. The numbers were very definitive. In the cases where there some kind of disarray or where it looked like someone had already broken the law in some way, the item was much more likely to be stolen. But in the cases where the area was looking very nice, the rate of crime went down dramatically.
I have to say, stuff like this just fascinates me and I wish more people took it more seriously. If people really understood all this stuff, Mayors and Police Commissioners would spend more money on clean-up crews in the inner city and less on police and probably end up with a much safer place for people to live. I'd love to be able to try an experiment like that.
If you've ever seen the movie Stand By Me, one of the first things the new Principal does is eliminate the graffiti and clean up the conditions at the school and that is one of the factors that creates the good behavior the students start showing.
Now, how can you put that principle to work in your house? If you leave one pair of shoes in the hall, how quickly are they going to be joined by other pairs of shoes? If you leave one dish on the counter, how likely is there to be a pile of them by the end of the day? I really think that clutter breeds more clutter in the same way that ugliness and urban decay increases crime.
So, what's the solution? I think you need to implement a zero tolerance policy in some areas of your home. In my house, for instance, the entryway is off-limits to clutter of any kind. I made a special point of setting up a formal living room right there so that people would see the nicest area of the house the moment they step through the door.
The kids do tend to want to leave clutter there in the form of bookbags, shoes, coats, etc. Or their camping gear when they get home from a trip or something. But it doesn't stay there for very long. The minute I come through the door, if I see stuff that shouldn't be there, I am calling people to come and get their stuff out of there. And if I get that "in a minute, Mom" stuff, I am not at all shy about removing it to the garage, the front yard, or wherever else I deem appropriate. That's how a zero tolerance policy looks.
I don't think you can manage that with the whole house. Like the old saying goes, you have to pick your battles. But there's no reason that you can't designate a couple of high-visibility spots to be your zero tolerance zones. It's just a matter of how many spots you have the time and patience to defend. Because you will have to defend it - more frequently at first as the family tries to sound out how serious you are about the new policy. But if you keep up on it, they'll go along with the program without too much fuss. Try it and see.
I have to say, stuff like this just fascinates me and I wish more people took it more seriously. If people really understood all this stuff, Mayors and Police Commissioners would spend more money on clean-up crews in the inner city and less on police and probably end up with a much safer place for people to live. I'd love to be able to try an experiment like that.
If you've ever seen the movie Stand By Me, one of the first things the new Principal does is eliminate the graffiti and clean up the conditions at the school and that is one of the factors that creates the good behavior the students start showing.
Now, how can you put that principle to work in your house? If you leave one pair of shoes in the hall, how quickly are they going to be joined by other pairs of shoes? If you leave one dish on the counter, how likely is there to be a pile of them by the end of the day? I really think that clutter breeds more clutter in the same way that ugliness and urban decay increases crime.
So, what's the solution? I think you need to implement a zero tolerance policy in some areas of your home. In my house, for instance, the entryway is off-limits to clutter of any kind. I made a special point of setting up a formal living room right there so that people would see the nicest area of the house the moment they step through the door.
The kids do tend to want to leave clutter there in the form of bookbags, shoes, coats, etc. Or their camping gear when they get home from a trip or something. But it doesn't stay there for very long. The minute I come through the door, if I see stuff that shouldn't be there, I am calling people to come and get their stuff out of there. And if I get that "in a minute, Mom" stuff, I am not at all shy about removing it to the garage, the front yard, or wherever else I deem appropriate. That's how a zero tolerance policy looks.
I don't think you can manage that with the whole house. Like the old saying goes, you have to pick your battles. But there's no reason that you can't designate a couple of high-visibility spots to be your zero tolerance zones. It's just a matter of how many spots you have the time and patience to defend. Because you will have to defend it - more frequently at first as the family tries to sound out how serious you are about the new policy. But if you keep up on it, they'll go along with the program without too much fuss. Try it and see.
6/25/09
How One Woman Changed the World
It's been a long time since I've shared something from one of the dozens of E-mails I get every day, but once in a while, I run across something that is so special, I feel like I need to share it with you. This E-mail is from Pam Young, one of the original Slob Sisters who first inspired Flylady (if you don't know who Flylady is, you really need to know - go to Flylady.com and find out). She now runs a website called the Brat Factor that is dedicated to those inner Brats in our heads who want to run the show and not do the things we all know we should be doing.
On Saturday my husband Terry and I had the privilege of having Candace Lightner (I think she went by Candy when you would have heard of her) to our home for dinner. Candace is the founder of MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving. She and Terry were in real estate together in Sacramento when her 13-year-old daughter was killed by a hit and run drunk driver. In my estimation Candice Lightner changed the behavior of our society!
I remember the Oregonian had a front-page story about what she was doing. A grieving mom used her personal tragedy to illicit change in our legal system’s leniency in sentencing drunks who drive and kill. I was dating a lawyer.
“Yikes, this is gonna change a lot of personal behavior in the legal community,” my attorney date said as we sipped glasses of wine in a restaurant in downtown Portland.
“Legal community?”
“Yeah attorneys and judges.”
“How will this change them?”
“Well, just last month I was at the court house at a party, all attorneys and judges and a few paralegals and the booze was flowing and somebody got out a breathalyzer and everyone started blowing into it to see who could get the highest blood alcohol number.”
“And?”
“And, then we partied, laughed, drank more and all drove home.
“Even the winner?”
“Yep.”
Candace put a stop to (or at least a pretty big plug in that kind of behavior and today most of the people I know are conscientious about not drinking and driving!
As moms we know that Candace’s tragedy is our worst nightmare! I have great respect for what she was able to accomplish and I was happy to meet her and see that she made it through her grief. I can report she was dressed all the way to shoes, had make-up on, cute hair, jewelry, she smelled good and laughed easily (all the things I didn’t think I would be able to do if such a terrible thing would happen to me).
Yesterday was Sidetracked Home Executives anniversary. Peggy and I decided to change our behavior on June 16, 1977 and I am humbled to think our decision has made a ripple in the lives of millions; maybe not the Candace Lightner caliber of ripple, but still a ripple that will continue after we’re gone.
So here is my simplistic estimation of how change happens.
You don’t like your situation: a messy house, a stressful relationship, indebtedness or an out-of-shape body, just to name a few.
First, realize that your situation was created over time and it’s going to take time to change it. Second, in order to change your situation, realize you have to change your behavior that created the situation. In order to change your behavior, you have to change the thinking that was behind the behavior. In order to change the thinking behind the behavior you have to be aware of those thoughts that created the behavior that created the situation.
So, if you want to change your life, you must change your thinking, but by the time you are up to your neck in a situation you don’t like, the thoughts that created the behavior (and ultimately the situation) are a habit and you don’t even realize you’ve been thinking them. The good news is that you can change a habit (even if it’s a “thinking” habit! Start catching your thoughts before they get you to do something that will sabotage your good intentions. Thought by thought you will gradually get into a habit of new behavior that will produce the situations you dream of.
Please visit our website at www.thebratfactor.com.
On Saturday my husband Terry and I had the privilege of having Candace Lightner (I think she went by Candy when you would have heard of her) to our home for dinner. Candace is the founder of MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving. She and Terry were in real estate together in Sacramento when her 13-year-old daughter was killed by a hit and run drunk driver. In my estimation Candice Lightner changed the behavior of our society!
I remember the Oregonian had a front-page story about what she was doing. A grieving mom used her personal tragedy to illicit change in our legal system’s leniency in sentencing drunks who drive and kill. I was dating a lawyer.
“Yikes, this is gonna change a lot of personal behavior in the legal community,” my attorney date said as we sipped glasses of wine in a restaurant in downtown Portland.
“Legal community?”
“Yeah attorneys and judges.”
“How will this change them?”
“Well, just last month I was at the court house at a party, all attorneys and judges and a few paralegals and the booze was flowing and somebody got out a breathalyzer and everyone started blowing into it to see who could get the highest blood alcohol number.”
“And?”
“And, then we partied, laughed, drank more and all drove home.
“Even the winner?”
“Yep.”
Candace put a stop to (or at least a pretty big plug in that kind of behavior and today most of the people I know are conscientious about not drinking and driving!
As moms we know that Candace’s tragedy is our worst nightmare! I have great respect for what she was able to accomplish and I was happy to meet her and see that she made it through her grief. I can report she was dressed all the way to shoes, had make-up on, cute hair, jewelry, she smelled good and laughed easily (all the things I didn’t think I would be able to do if such a terrible thing would happen to me).
Yesterday was Sidetracked Home Executives anniversary. Peggy and I decided to change our behavior on June 16, 1977 and I am humbled to think our decision has made a ripple in the lives of millions; maybe not the Candace Lightner caliber of ripple, but still a ripple that will continue after we’re gone.
So here is my simplistic estimation of how change happens.
You don’t like your situation: a messy house, a stressful relationship, indebtedness or an out-of-shape body, just to name a few.
First, realize that your situation was created over time and it’s going to take time to change it. Second, in order to change your situation, realize you have to change your behavior that created the situation. In order to change your behavior, you have to change the thinking that was behind the behavior. In order to change the thinking behind the behavior you have to be aware of those thoughts that created the behavior that created the situation.
So, if you want to change your life, you must change your thinking, but by the time you are up to your neck in a situation you don’t like, the thoughts that created the behavior (and ultimately the situation) are a habit and you don’t even realize you’ve been thinking them. The good news is that you can change a habit (even if it’s a “thinking” habit! Start catching your thoughts before they get you to do something that will sabotage your good intentions. Thought by thought you will gradually get into a habit of new behavior that will produce the situations you dream of.
Please visit our website at www.thebratfactor.com.
6/15/09
Just some quick hints
When you are cooking, run a sink full of warm soapy water first. Then you can rinse the pots and pans and either set them on the counter to dry, or pop them in the dish washer for more thorough cleaning.
This is a good idea for mail. I saw one of my BO friends doing this. When her bills or other important mail comes in, she takes a big black Sharpie and writes all the info on the back of the envelope. Something like "Electric bill -due 10/15" or "Car Registration". Then she puts them into a basket. That way she just flip through the basket to tell what bills are due without having to search through the envelopes. I thought that was a great idea!
I keep a "sock orphanage" down in my laundry room. Then when I have mismatched socks, I toss them in there. Every month or so, I dig through it and see if I've got any matches. Eventually, I'll throw them out, but I'm always hopeful I'll find that missing sock....
We watch movies - a LOT! And my guys are terrible about putting them back in the cases. So every so often I'll gather up a whole stack of them that are laying around and I put them into the closet for a "time out". I'll even put a note on them "In time out until October 20th". Nobody dares touch them and it makes them get better about putting them away - for a while anyway.
I have been known to put notes on the counters or on the kitchen table. "You may NOT leave dirty dishes here - you need to put them in the dishwasher. If it needs to be emptied - JUST DO IT". I can nag and nag and they just tune me out, but strangely enough, they'll mind the notes - again for a while. They tune them out after a week or two, but it does help.
One of my clients came up with a great idea this week. When you're feeling low on motivation for a chore, persuade your husband to bribe you. Say something like - if I clean out this closet today, will you take me out to dinner? If he wants more room in the the closet, he's likely to agree and then you have a reward to motivate you to do the chore. Hey, bribery WORKS! Let it work for you instead of against you! Plus you get a nice dinner with your husband.
When your teenagers won't clean their rooms, "offer" to clean it for them, maybe even insist on it if they don't do it themselves by a certain time. Most teenagers are so big on their precious PRIVACY, they would rather DIE than have you touching their stuff.
Oh, here's a naughty one, but it's funny! When you get really mad at your husband - go shopping. With the TV remote in your purse! He'll go crazy looking everywhere for hours. Then you slip it out and just leave it somewhere and say, Oh it was right over here all the time....
6/11/09
Drowning in Clutter?
Think about some of the words you use to describe your clutter. Do you ever say you are buried in junk, drowning in clutter, or suffocated by your stuff? Why do we say stuff like that? It's not just a saying, that's the way clutter really affects us.
Besides being bad for your self-esteem, excessive clutter really affects your state of mind and adds to your stress level. It's just impossible to relax fully when you're in a very cluttered room. Take a moment and look around the room you're in while you're reading this. Is it clean or cluttered? How does it make you feel? Take a moment and imagine how you would feel if it were more clean or more cluttered? My guess is that you would be more anxious and stressed if it was more messy and more relaxed and peaceful if it was clean. Your mind just works that way. Your eye is always looking for clear and uncluttered surfaces to rest on and your brain is always subconsciously trying to remind you of tasks and chores you should be doing.
Is your peace of mind worth a few 15 minute cleanups? I would think it would be. I know when I get on the ball and keep my house looking nice, I definitely notice an improvement in my mood and also in my family's mood. My kids tend to get along better, and my husband is less likely to be grouchy. To me, that's well worth a few minutes a day of extra cleaning!
Besides being bad for your self-esteem, excessive clutter really affects your state of mind and adds to your stress level. It's just impossible to relax fully when you're in a very cluttered room. Take a moment and look around the room you're in while you're reading this. Is it clean or cluttered? How does it make you feel? Take a moment and imagine how you would feel if it were more clean or more cluttered? My guess is that you would be more anxious and stressed if it was more messy and more relaxed and peaceful if it was clean. Your mind just works that way. Your eye is always looking for clear and uncluttered surfaces to rest on and your brain is always subconsciously trying to remind you of tasks and chores you should be doing.
Is your peace of mind worth a few 15 minute cleanups? I would think it would be. I know when I get on the ball and keep my house looking nice, I definitely notice an improvement in my mood and also in my family's mood. My kids tend to get along better, and my husband is less likely to be grouchy. To me, that's well worth a few minutes a day of extra cleaning!
5/31/09
Completing the Cycle
You know, I think what gets us into trouble sometimes is that some jobs have multiple steps - a cleaning cycle, if you will. You don't just get to dump the clothes into the washer and be done with it. You have to wash them, dry them, fold them, and then put them away and if you skip any step in that cycle, you may end up with a wet, smelly, wrinkled mess. Same thing with dishes - you can't just put them in the dishwasher, you have to put soap in, start it, unload it and then start a new cycle.
I think it would help us if we could think of our tasks in terms of the whole cycle instead of just one part of it. When you do laundry, make a commitment to complete the whole cycle. Make a plan, set a timer, delegate part of the cycle, basically do whatever needs to happen to make sure that the chore isn't going to get abandoned in the midst of the cycle. I know that we all have a lot going on and some of us (I mean ME) have some ADD tendencies. But that doesn't excuse you from doing what needs to be done, it just means that you have to work harder at it and that you need to use some extra strategies to make it work for you.
I know a lot of us like checklists. I know I do and I get a ton more done when I take the time to use them. But what do you put on your to-do list? Do you just put do laundry and hope for the best? Wouldn't it be better to put each step of the cycle as a separate but related task? That way you'll be reminded to complete ALL the steps and besides, then you get 3 or 4 check marks instead of just one!
Give it a try and then leave me some comments and tell me how it worked for you. I need some comment lovin' here. I'm starting to feel like I'm just talking to myself!
I think it would help us if we could think of our tasks in terms of the whole cycle instead of just one part of it. When you do laundry, make a commitment to complete the whole cycle. Make a plan, set a timer, delegate part of the cycle, basically do whatever needs to happen to make sure that the chore isn't going to get abandoned in the midst of the cycle. I know that we all have a lot going on and some of us (I mean ME) have some ADD tendencies. But that doesn't excuse you from doing what needs to be done, it just means that you have to work harder at it and that you need to use some extra strategies to make it work for you.
I know a lot of us like checklists. I know I do and I get a ton more done when I take the time to use them. But what do you put on your to-do list? Do you just put do laundry and hope for the best? Wouldn't it be better to put each step of the cycle as a separate but related task? That way you'll be reminded to complete ALL the steps and besides, then you get 3 or 4 check marks instead of just one!
Give it a try and then leave me some comments and tell me how it worked for you. I need some comment lovin' here. I'm starting to feel like I'm just talking to myself!
5/27/09
Hide and Seek
When you lose an item in your house, after you find it, put it back in the 1st place you looked for it. That is it's natural home and if you keep it there, you'll always know where to find it.
There are certain items that get lost all the time, so it's a great idea to establish a regular "home" for them. Keys, for instance, they get lost all the time and you end up with a lot of stress and wasted time looking for them when you want to go somewhere. If you install a hook right inside your door and get in the habit of hanging your keys on it, you'll always know where your keys are. I'm always losing my purse. I have about four different places I leave it in, so I always have a little bit of a hunt for it. I picked just one spot to put it in and I'm training myself to always keep it there. What items do you lose the most frequently?
5/19/09
The Power of the Written Word
Word are very powerful things. Amazingly powerful things. On any given day, you can make or break someone's day simply by praising or criticizing them. We talk so much every day, I think we really underestimate the impact of our words.
However, we all know that there are times when our kids or our husband tunes us out or just ignores things we say. Here's something funny. They may ignore what you say, but the will almost always pay attention to something you have written. Isn't that strange?
I've done this many times. I wish I could say that I'm one of those Moms who puts loving, encouraging notes in the lunch boxes, and creates those wonderful Hallmark moments. But that's just not the way my family rolls. My written words are more likely to be do-to lists or other notes. But the important thing is that they get results.
I will typically leave notes like - This must be put away by 5:00 today. Please sweep and mop the floors today. Please do not leave dishes on the counter. Do not put mail on the table - please put in the mail basket. Or I will leave a honey-do list on the white board and even if I've verbally asked him to do the exact same things, he won't actually do them until I put them on the board. Isn't that weird?
Anyway, give it a try and see how it works for you. And be sure to thank your family when they comply with your requests.
However, we all know that there are times when our kids or our husband tunes us out or just ignores things we say. Here's something funny. They may ignore what you say, but the will almost always pay attention to something you have written. Isn't that strange?
I've done this many times. I wish I could say that I'm one of those Moms who puts loving, encouraging notes in the lunch boxes, and creates those wonderful Hallmark moments. But that's just not the way my family rolls. My written words are more likely to be do-to lists or other notes. But the important thing is that they get results.
I will typically leave notes like - This must be put away by 5:00 today. Please sweep and mop the floors today. Please do not leave dishes on the counter. Do not put mail on the table - please put in the mail basket. Or I will leave a honey-do list on the white board and even if I've verbally asked him to do the exact same things, he won't actually do them until I put them on the board. Isn't that weird?
Anyway, give it a try and see how it works for you. And be sure to thank your family when they comply with your requests.
5/15/09
Money is not for Spending
This is a great essay from Mary Hunt. If you have a spending problem (and I know some of you do), you really want to print this one out and tape it to your mirror or something. I think it's some very powerful information that might really help you to change your ways.
Imagine this: It's Friday, a day you have come to know and love as cake day. You want cake, you love cake and doggone it, you deserve to eat cake. You stop at the store and pick up the ingredients necessary to bake a cake. But even before you can get home, you begin eating the ingredients because you are so hungry for cake you simply cannot help yourself. You gulp a couple of eggs; chew up some butter and sugar; and down a load of flour and cocoa. You pull into the driveway completely disgusted with yourself. You try to hide the evidence but it's all over your face. The worst part: Eating the cake was not nearly as satisfying as you'd dreamed. It was anything but enjoyable. The ingredients for your chocolate cake are gone and now you feel ashamed and embarrassed.
Money is Not for Spending
It took me a long time to fully understand that money is for managing first and then for spending. It takes courage to believe that, but when you do it will profoundly change the way you think about and manage your money.
Imagine this: It's Friday, a day you have come to know and love as cake day. You want cake, you love cake and doggone it, you deserve to eat cake. You stop at the store and pick up the ingredients necessary to bake a cake. But even before you can get home, you begin eating the ingredients because you are so hungry for cake you simply cannot help yourself. You gulp a couple of eggs; chew up some butter and sugar; and down a load of flour and cocoa. You pull into the driveway completely disgusted with yourself. You try to hide the evidence but it's all over your face. The worst part: Eating the cake was not nearly as satisfying as you'd dreamed. It was anything but enjoyable. The ingredients for your chocolate cake are gone and now you feel ashamed and embarrassed.
An absurd analogy for sure, illustrating the foolishness of eating food that has not yet been prepared. The very same ingredients that made you sick could have become a culinary masterpiece had you exposed them to a recipe. Those ingredients were not for eating; they were for preparing first and then for eating.
It is equally foolish and unsatisfying to spend money that has not first been managed. To manage money means to take full possession of it, to subject it to a specific plan and direct it accordingly. It is a matter of creating a season of ownership between receiving and dispersing.
Managing money is a learned discipline, a gratifying process. When money flows into your life, you are responsible for where it goes and how it performs. You are the boss. You can watch it drift out of your control or you can manage it according to a formula that you have developed.
It doesn't matter if you are a single parent struggling to survive with no outside help or the CEO of a prosperous business. You need to know ahead of time exactly how you will manage your money.
No matter your situation--single, married, old, young, whether you're deeply in debt, unemployed or at the top of your career--you need a system through which to process every dime that enters your life. Only then will you fully understand why money is not for spending. It is for managing first, and then for spending.
5/7/09
Declaring Laundry Bankruptcy
I came across this term in an old post on Unclutterer. I think this is such a great concept. Every once in a while, we just get too far behind to catch up. Their suggestion was to pack it all up and take it to the local Fluff & Fold. Even if it costs you a few extra bucks, wouldn't it be great to get caught up once and for all so you can start fresh? And besides, they FLUFF and FOLD it for you, what could be better than that?
Another idea would be to take it all to a self-serve laundromat and stake out a whole bank of washers and dryers. You'd be done in just a couple of hours and the kids would probably think it's a great adventure.
Here's my secret for climbing Mt. Washmore - when I get too overwhelmed with laundry, I do it production-line style. I sort it all into baskets and then I set a timer and put a fresh load in every 40 minutes. Then I sit and watch TV while I fold it. Then I just give everyone their own basket and tell them no one eats until they put it all away! I can usually get caught up in one evening, or one weekend morning.
Another idea would be to take it all to a self-serve laundromat and stake out a whole bank of washers and dryers. You'd be done in just a couple of hours and the kids would probably think it's a great adventure.
Here's my secret for climbing Mt. Washmore - when I get too overwhelmed with laundry, I do it production-line style. I sort it all into baskets and then I set a timer and put a fresh load in every 40 minutes. Then I sit and watch TV while I fold it. Then I just give everyone their own basket and tell them no one eats until they put it all away! I can usually get caught up in one evening, or one weekend morning.
5/1/09
Empowering your Kids
Laura over at Organizing Junkie had a great article, one that really impressed me. It's all about organizing your kids rooms, but it has to do with involving your kids in the process rather than dictating to them or imposing your organization on them. Click HERE to pop over and read it.
4/30/09
Running Your Own Thrift Store?
Do you know what most people's reason for not wanting to get rid of stuff is? They are afraid they won't be able to replace their things in case they change their mind! I mean come on people, this is 2009 and you live in the United States. Unless your item is very rare or very personal, you should be able to replace it very easily.
I mean, look around any thrift store. It is packed to the gills with stuff exactly like your stuff. If you're hanging onto stuff like that, you're basically running your own thrift store, and who wants to live at Goodwill? Plus there's Ebay, Amazon, Craigslist, and a dozen other websites where people sell all kinds of stuff - collectibles, books, movies, CD's, clothes, you name it. So, what are you so worried about. Let your stuff go, free it into the wild. If it was really meant to be yours, it will find it's way back to you - honest.
I've decluttered many hundreds of items over the years, clothes, books, kids toys, purses, shoes, etc. I can only think of one thing I was every sorry I got rid of and that was a book. When I noticed that I had missed it and decided to replace it, it took me 5 minutes and about $8 to replace it on Amazon.com. That $8 was well worth the dozens of other books and other things that I was able to part with and clear out of my life. And you can "visit" your stuff at the Goodwill any day of the week for free!
However, once you've decluttered something, you are very unlikely to remember it. Like I said, I have decluttered probably a thousand pounds worth of stuff in all these years and I probably couldn't name 10 of the things I've given away. Seriously. Try it and you'll see.
I mean, look around any thrift store. It is packed to the gills with stuff exactly like your stuff. If you're hanging onto stuff like that, you're basically running your own thrift store, and who wants to live at Goodwill? Plus there's Ebay, Amazon, Craigslist, and a dozen other websites where people sell all kinds of stuff - collectibles, books, movies, CD's, clothes, you name it. So, what are you so worried about. Let your stuff go, free it into the wild. If it was really meant to be yours, it will find it's way back to you - honest.
I've decluttered many hundreds of items over the years, clothes, books, kids toys, purses, shoes, etc. I can only think of one thing I was every sorry I got rid of and that was a book. When I noticed that I had missed it and decided to replace it, it took me 5 minutes and about $8 to replace it on Amazon.com. That $8 was well worth the dozens of other books and other things that I was able to part with and clear out of my life. And you can "visit" your stuff at the Goodwill any day of the week for free!
However, once you've decluttered something, you are very unlikely to remember it. Like I said, I have decluttered probably a thousand pounds worth of stuff in all these years and I probably couldn't name 10 of the things I've given away. Seriously. Try it and you'll see.
4/24/09
That "Clean For Company" Feeling
Have you noticed that you look at your house totally differently when you know company is coming over? All of a sudden you start noticing little pockets of clutter and little bits of dirt and dust that you hadn't noticed before. This gives you a great burst of energy and motivation to clean up what had seemed perfectly fine 5 minutes ago.
It is a natural bit of pride to want your home to look nice and tidy for upcoming company. We all want guests to "ooo" and "ahh" and tell us how nice our home looks. There's nothing wrong with this and in fact, I will use it to my advantage sometimes. If I'm having a difficult time maintaining my routines and keeping my house clean, I'll use any excuse to invite some friends over. First of all, I love to have company and it gives me a chance to entertain, which I love, but also it forces me to get busy and tidy up.
However, you have to think about what message you're sending to yourself and your children. You are telling them that it's more important to present a good face to others than to make the house nice for your own family. That would be brought home to me when I would start my regular Saturday morning cleaning and the kids would ask me who was coming over. I hated the fact that they associated cleaning with company and not with us doing something nice for our own family.
So why not treat your family as company? Why not bring out the special tablecloths and dishes once in a while and make as nice a meal as you would for guests? Why not make an appointment with yourself to take a quick tour every few days and look around your house with "company eyes" and notice the areas that need a little extra attention. Your family will love it and start feeling extra special themselves and you'll likely catch them making their own efforts to pick up after themselves.
It is a natural bit of pride to want your home to look nice and tidy for upcoming company. We all want guests to "ooo" and "ahh" and tell us how nice our home looks. There's nothing wrong with this and in fact, I will use it to my advantage sometimes. If I'm having a difficult time maintaining my routines and keeping my house clean, I'll use any excuse to invite some friends over. First of all, I love to have company and it gives me a chance to entertain, which I love, but also it forces me to get busy and tidy up.
However, you have to think about what message you're sending to yourself and your children. You are telling them that it's more important to present a good face to others than to make the house nice for your own family. That would be brought home to me when I would start my regular Saturday morning cleaning and the kids would ask me who was coming over. I hated the fact that they associated cleaning with company and not with us doing something nice for our own family.
So why not treat your family as company? Why not bring out the special tablecloths and dishes once in a while and make as nice a meal as you would for guests? Why not make an appointment with yourself to take a quick tour every few days and look around your house with "company eyes" and notice the areas that need a little extra attention. Your family will love it and start feeling extra special themselves and you'll likely catch them making their own efforts to pick up after themselves.
4/18/09
Emptying the "Empty Nest"
I don't know how many of you have grown kids as I do, but once your kids are actually out of the house, it's surprising how much "stuff" they think they are entitled to leave behind. It's stuff that they don't really need and don't actually plan to use, but Lord help you if you try to get rid of it.
Do you really want to be storing that stuff clear into your retirement? It's really just clutter, taking up space that you could use for more useful items.
If you really want to get rid of it, you need to have a plan. If your kids are flaky like mine, just asking them to come and get it isn't really going to work. Going through boxes of old junk, even their own, isn't going to be their idea of fun and it's not going to be high on their list of priorities.
One thing to do is to set a firm date. Give them a good month or so to get around to it, but then let them know that after that date, the free storage deal is going to be over. Then give them a head start on the project. Go through the stuff and start sorting it into some general piles - clothes, books, papers, school projects, etc.
Get out your digital pictures and document as you go. You can easily post the pictures to a Flickr account and share it with your child. That way, they can see exactly what they are dealing with and that is likely to give them a little motivation to save some of the things that are more important to them. If nothing else, you can have them tag the pictures of the things they want and the things you can get rid of.
Then just box it up and leave it for them to come and get it. And enjoy your now uncluttered space. Just try not to fill it up with all of your old, unneeded junk.
Do you really want to be storing that stuff clear into your retirement? It's really just clutter, taking up space that you could use for more useful items.
If you really want to get rid of it, you need to have a plan. If your kids are flaky like mine, just asking them to come and get it isn't really going to work. Going through boxes of old junk, even their own, isn't going to be their idea of fun and it's not going to be high on their list of priorities.
One thing to do is to set a firm date. Give them a good month or so to get around to it, but then let them know that after that date, the free storage deal is going to be over. Then give them a head start on the project. Go through the stuff and start sorting it into some general piles - clothes, books, papers, school projects, etc.
Get out your digital pictures and document as you go. You can easily post the pictures to a Flickr account and share it with your child. That way, they can see exactly what they are dealing with and that is likely to give them a little motivation to save some of the things that are more important to them. If nothing else, you can have them tag the pictures of the things they want and the things you can get rid of.
Then just box it up and leave it for them to come and get it. And enjoy your now uncluttered space. Just try not to fill it up with all of your old, unneeded junk.
4/14/09
Easy Daily Clutter Tip
Sometimes I think one of the biggest challenges in keeping a nice house is to deal with the daily clutter of dishes, mail, shoes, newspapers, backpacks, etc. If you can just get this one habit until control, you would be so surprised at what a difference it would make in your home!
One simple thing you can do is to just get in the habit of taking a few things with you every time you leave a room. It would literally take a matter of seconds to pick up a couple of glasses or dishes when you're heading for the kitchen, a pair of shoes or a coat when you're headed for the bedroom - how easy is that?
Eliminating the clutter in this way will make your room look so much cleaner and will make it so much easier to keep a room looking nice. You've gotten to the point where you don't even notice the clutter. Once you remove the constant clutter from a room, you'll notice even one thing out of place. It's like the peace and quiet of the country after a few weeks of being in the noise and bustle of the city. It's really refreshing.
The trick is to remember is. You know the old saying that it takes 28 days to build a habit. I don't know if that's true or not, but building new habits is definitely a big challenge for me. However, there are some little tricks you can use to help get yourself into a new habit. Here are some ideas:
- Put a rubber band around your wrist or a brightly colored bracelet.
- Reward yourself. If you do better with the habit than you did the day before, reward yourself with a little extra TV time or a special coffee or some other small, easily repeatable reward.
- Stick up post-it notes everywhere to encourage yourself.
- Engage your kids or your husband. Have them levy .25 cent fines on you when you forget.
- Try the don't "break the chain" technique. Get a calendar and some fun stickers. You get a sticker for each day you remember your habit. When you get a chain of 3 or 4 days, plan a special treat for yourself and then you won't want to break the chain.
One simple thing you can do is to just get in the habit of taking a few things with you every time you leave a room. It would literally take a matter of seconds to pick up a couple of glasses or dishes when you're heading for the kitchen, a pair of shoes or a coat when you're headed for the bedroom - how easy is that?
Eliminating the clutter in this way will make your room look so much cleaner and will make it so much easier to keep a room looking nice. You've gotten to the point where you don't even notice the clutter. Once you remove the constant clutter from a room, you'll notice even one thing out of place. It's like the peace and quiet of the country after a few weeks of being in the noise and bustle of the city. It's really refreshing.
The trick is to remember is. You know the old saying that it takes 28 days to build a habit. I don't know if that's true or not, but building new habits is definitely a big challenge for me. However, there are some little tricks you can use to help get yourself into a new habit. Here are some ideas:
- Put a rubber band around your wrist or a brightly colored bracelet.
- Reward yourself. If you do better with the habit than you did the day before, reward yourself with a little extra TV time or a special coffee or some other small, easily repeatable reward.
- Stick up post-it notes everywhere to encourage yourself.
- Engage your kids or your husband. Have them levy .25 cent fines on you when you forget.
- Try the don't "break the chain" technique. Get a calendar and some fun stickers. You get a sticker for each day you remember your habit. When you get a chain of 3 or 4 days, plan a special treat for yourself and then you won't want to break the chain.
4/10/09
New Basement Reveal
Well, after that last scary post, I feel like I need to demonstrate that I don't actually live in a cave! In fact, most of the time, my house is pretty nice. And believe me, the embarrassment of being caught with a messy house is a big motivator to get back with the program on your daily routines!
Anyway, here are some pictures of my new and improved basement that my husband painted up all nice for me!
Being in the blog world is hard to explain to non-bloggers. But sometimes you can really get some great ideas from other people's blogs. For instance, right after the first of the year, I was poking around over at Life With my 3 Boybarians (love that name!). She had just redone her schoolroom and I liked the color scheme so much, I sent my husband straight to Home Depot to get some paint and get right on that basement. Click HERE to go take a peek at her schoolroom. Naturally, he thought I was crazy, but if he doesn't know that by now... And anyway, it was a holiday weekend and he was bored, so he went, and a few weeks later, it looks like this:
Doesn't that look wonderful? I especially like the high gloss white on the bookshelves and fireplace. It looks SO much better. In the right light, you can even see the reflection of the books in the paint. I also took the opportunity to reorganize my bookshelves and shift some of the furniture around.
I think my husband did a great job too. He apprenticed with a professional painter for about six months and he really does very meticulous work on all the trim and everything. Although, I do have to give props to the guy at Home Depot for helping us pick out the paint. Below was my original paint color. I thought a rich chocolate color would be just great, but when we got it on the wall, it looked exactly like someone had smeared a Hershey's bar all over the wall. So I was glad that we switched to a much lighter shade and Tim, the paint guy showed us how we could take the same can of paint and just lighten it a few shades for the contrasting trim.
Here is what the basement looked like when we first bought the house two years ago. It looked like they had taken a 5 gallon bucket of some kind of cheap, nasty off white color that looked sort of like a dingy tooth color and put it on every wall in the house. I'm serious! The entire house - every single surface in it, was this nasty dingy, yellow-y color. It was the only thing I didn't like about the house, well besides the ugly carpets, because I just love color in a house. My Mom always painted everything either white or off white, but I've got to have color around me. So we painted several rooms before we moved in, and several more since then, but we've just gradually been eliminating that yucky color a room at a time.
The basement was a challenge though because the walls are all textured. You know, like they texture ceilings, well they did that all the way down the walls, all the way through the whole basement. I wasn't sure how well that would look with a color, but I was pleasantly surprised. I think it looks great with the color. It feels much warmer and much more "finished" than it did, less like a basement. What do you think?
Anyway, here are some pictures of my new and improved basement that my husband painted up all nice for me!
Being in the blog world is hard to explain to non-bloggers. But sometimes you can really get some great ideas from other people's blogs. For instance, right after the first of the year, I was poking around over at Life With my 3 Boybarians (love that name!). She had just redone her schoolroom and I liked the color scheme so much, I sent my husband straight to Home Depot to get some paint and get right on that basement. Click HERE to go take a peek at her schoolroom. Naturally, he thought I was crazy, but if he doesn't know that by now... And anyway, it was a holiday weekend and he was bored, so he went, and a few weeks later, it looks like this:
Doesn't that look wonderful? I especially like the high gloss white on the bookshelves and fireplace. It looks SO much better. In the right light, you can even see the reflection of the books in the paint. I also took the opportunity to reorganize my bookshelves and shift some of the furniture around.
I think my husband did a great job too. He apprenticed with a professional painter for about six months and he really does very meticulous work on all the trim and everything. Although, I do have to give props to the guy at Home Depot for helping us pick out the paint. Below was my original paint color. I thought a rich chocolate color would be just great, but when we got it on the wall, it looked exactly like someone had smeared a Hershey's bar all over the wall. So I was glad that we switched to a much lighter shade and Tim, the paint guy showed us how we could take the same can of paint and just lighten it a few shades for the contrasting trim.
Here is what the basement looked like when we first bought the house two years ago. It looked like they had taken a 5 gallon bucket of some kind of cheap, nasty off white color that looked sort of like a dingy tooth color and put it on every wall in the house. I'm serious! The entire house - every single surface in it, was this nasty dingy, yellow-y color. It was the only thing I didn't like about the house, well besides the ugly carpets, because I just love color in a house. My Mom always painted everything either white or off white, but I've got to have color around me. So we painted several rooms before we moved in, and several more since then, but we've just gradually been eliminating that yucky color a room at a time.
The basement was a challenge though because the walls are all textured. You know, like they texture ceilings, well they did that all the way down the walls, all the way through the whole basement. I wasn't sure how well that would look with a color, but I was pleasantly surprised. I think it looks great with the color. It feels much warmer and much more "finished" than it did, less like a basement. What do you think?
4/5/09
Caught with my pants down!
Well, it finally happened, the ultimate embarassment. My super-duper cleanie sister happened to drop in on a day when my house was looking like a total train wreck! Ugh. Don't you just hate it when that happens? It is SO humiliating! You just want to crawl right under the couch and eat dust bunnies.
I know you're thinking that I am the last person who should let myself be placed in a situation like that. After all, I teach this stuff and I write posts all the time about cleaning and organization. But, we all have busy weeks, and get distracted with other stuff and start drifting out of our normal routines. And even though I've learned a lot about organizing and developed a lot of new habits, it doesn't mean that I don't have a little backslide once in a while.
And my sister, of all people - sheesh! These are pictures of my sister's house. As you can see it is gorgeous and it looks like this 24 X 7. I always go into hyperdrive when I know she is coming over because I can't stand the thought of her seeing my house in less than perfect condition. And believe me, today it was in much less than perfect condition! We had just redecorated the kitchen last night and were too tired to finish it up, so there were boxes and plastic wrap and styrofoam all over, and so were the pictures we had taken down. We'd run out of kitty litter and the cat box was in a very sorry state, and naturally her grandkids were begging to come in and visit the kitties. Even my normally clean entryway was all cluttered with my Easter decorations that I was in the process of putting up. And of course, my husband had to bring her into the very messy kitchen to show off our new dining room chairs and new decor, and then take her down to the cluttered basement to show her the new paint job. Man, I so need to retrain that guy!
Oh well, what can you do? It is what it is. You can't get a do-over on that one. And stumbling around mumbling excuses and trying to shove stuff out of the way just makes it worse. You just have to stand up and deal with the situation as best you can.
After she left, I was tempted to get mad and blame my family, but it's not their fault. Yes, some of the mess was their fault, but I'm the Mom and I'm the one who sets the tone for keeping the house clean (or not!). So, I didn't get mad, but I did get busy and so did the rest of the family. And you know, with all four of us working, we had the house back under control in just about 30 minutes. Hopefully, next time we'll think to do the 30 minute clean-up BEFORE my sister comes over rather than after!
I know you're thinking that I am the last person who should let myself be placed in a situation like that. After all, I teach this stuff and I write posts all the time about cleaning and organization. But, we all have busy weeks, and get distracted with other stuff and start drifting out of our normal routines. And even though I've learned a lot about organizing and developed a lot of new habits, it doesn't mean that I don't have a little backslide once in a while.
And my sister, of all people - sheesh! These are pictures of my sister's house. As you can see it is gorgeous and it looks like this 24 X 7. I always go into hyperdrive when I know she is coming over because I can't stand the thought of her seeing my house in less than perfect condition. And believe me, today it was in much less than perfect condition! We had just redecorated the kitchen last night and were too tired to finish it up, so there were boxes and plastic wrap and styrofoam all over, and so were the pictures we had taken down. We'd run out of kitty litter and the cat box was in a very sorry state, and naturally her grandkids were begging to come in and visit the kitties. Even my normally clean entryway was all cluttered with my Easter decorations that I was in the process of putting up. And of course, my husband had to bring her into the very messy kitchen to show off our new dining room chairs and new decor, and then take her down to the cluttered basement to show her the new paint job. Man, I so need to retrain that guy!
Oh well, what can you do? It is what it is. You can't get a do-over on that one. And stumbling around mumbling excuses and trying to shove stuff out of the way just makes it worse. You just have to stand up and deal with the situation as best you can.
After she left, I was tempted to get mad and blame my family, but it's not their fault. Yes, some of the mess was their fault, but I'm the Mom and I'm the one who sets the tone for keeping the house clean (or not!). So, I didn't get mad, but I did get busy and so did the rest of the family. And you know, with all four of us working, we had the house back under control in just about 30 minutes. Hopefully, next time we'll think to do the 30 minute clean-up BEFORE my sister comes over rather than after!
4/2/09
Closet Organizing 101
My friend Pooba did a post about her closet organization. She's mainly talking about Wally world and all the fabulous containers they sell, but I think she did a great job of using them to redo her closets. Pop over to take a peek - Pooba's Closet.
PS: Wanna hear something weird? I found Pooba when she entered my SITS Spring Fling contest and won my prize. Turns out she lives right in my neighborhood and I think she's the first blog commenter I've ever met in person. What are the odds?
PS: Wanna hear something weird? I found Pooba when she entered my SITS Spring Fling contest and won my prize. Turns out she lives right in my neighborhood and I think she's the first blog commenter I've ever met in person. What are the odds?
3/30/09
Dealing with Financial Clutter
This is a subject I am kind of a fanatic on. Money is very important to me. Not because I want a new Lexus, or a mink coat, or a cruise around the world, but because I want to make sure that my family is safe and secure, even in precarious financial times such as these.
I've had some tough financial times in my life and it wasn't fun at all. And it isn't all about having nice clothes, or eating in nice restaurants, or taking nice vacations. It's about having a safe place to live.
Because of my Mom's financial situation as a single mother, I was raised in some very rough neighborhoods. The kind where your Mom doesn't let you play in the back yard or go across the street by yourself to play with a friend. The kind where there are shootings and police around all the time and scary looking guys walking around. Where the kids at school have lice and belong to gangs and will be only too happy to beat you up if you look at them wrong. My Jr. High School backed right up against the Long Beach Projects, so when we moved to Orange County a year or so later, I thought I'd died and gone to paradise.
Here's a great post I found on Unclutterer.com the subject of Financial Clutter - click HERE to go and check it out.
I've had some tough financial times in my life and it wasn't fun at all. And it isn't all about having nice clothes, or eating in nice restaurants, or taking nice vacations. It's about having a safe place to live.
Because of my Mom's financial situation as a single mother, I was raised in some very rough neighborhoods. The kind where your Mom doesn't let you play in the back yard or go across the street by yourself to play with a friend. The kind where there are shootings and police around all the time and scary looking guys walking around. Where the kids at school have lice and belong to gangs and will be only too happy to beat you up if you look at them wrong. My Jr. High School backed right up against the Long Beach Projects, so when we moved to Orange County a year or so later, I thought I'd died and gone to paradise.
Here's a great post I found on Unclutterer.com the subject of Financial Clutter - click HERE to go and check it out.
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