Getting your Family to Help

I thought I'd share this with you. I recently experienced a similar situation when I was at the Stampin' Up! Convention for four days and came home to a house that looked like a bomb went off. I took it pretty well. I didn't kick and fuss about it and I just pitched in and cleaned it up. But it would have been nice if they'd taken a little more effort to have kept the house clean because I was exhausted after four days of 12 hour days. But next time I guess I need to be more explicit about what my expectations are and we'll see if it goes better. It does really illustrate how our routines keep us from drifting into chaos and how quickly things can fall apart.

Dear FlyLady,

I came home from a 4 day event last night to a home that looked as if a bomb had gone off in it, this is the absolute worst my house has ever looked, even pre flylady. I wanted to scream and rant and rave at the people whom I had left at home, but I took a deep breath and walked in. I had left my husband and 2 young adults here in my home, of course expecting that they would make some effort to keep picked up after themselves, but sadly that is not what happened. I put away my gear and started laundry, carried out a bag of trash and put the baby to bed, then went to bed myself, yes it was difficult to not just plunge in and begin to marathon clean, but I knew that if I did that I would be to tired to function today and so I forced myself to ignore the filth and go to bed.

This morning I got up, was again shocked by how destroyed my home was and then set about my game plan. I wanted to yell and snarl about how 3 supposed adults could make such a mess and demand that they help clean up the mess, but then I thought for a few seconds and realized that this was the man I love and my child and his spouse and that all I would do by screaming at them was make them feel useless and resentful, so I kept my mouth shut. After everyone left for work I took a shower and put on my work clothes, all the time reminding myself that I was blessed to have a home that they could mess up and to have food for them to have left dirty dishes laying everywhere. I started a load of laundry, ran a sink of very hot water and put some dishes in to soak and popped the baby (2 years old) into the tub.

While the baby splashed and played I cleaned up the bathroom, putting laundry in the hamper and trash in the can and just generally reclaiming the room. She was laughing and playing, having absolutely no idea that anything was not right in our home. I talked to her and we sang a baby song and I finished the main part of the bathroom in less time than her bath took, cleaning the tub, sink and toilet will wait until her nap. Back to the kitchen where I stacked dishes and gathered up garbage for a few more minutes, it is going to take all day to reclaim my house, but I am not pushing to do it in a marathon, I am doing 10 - 15 minutes in each room with a bit of a break every hour, I have a pot of tea on the stove and dinner will be in the crockpot in short order.

By the time my husband gets home from work he will have a cleaner and nicer place to come into. I will not be screaming like a shrew and the baby will not be upset because we had a bad day. This is not how I planned to spend the holiday, but it is not a big crisis because you have taught me how to take a deep breath and see the blessing in every mess that my family makes. I have faith that one day I will come home from a weekend activity and find my home in some semblance of order because sooner or later it will seep into their minds that it is better to pick up the bits instead of letting it grow to a disaster.

Thank you for helping me see that when I am gentler with my family that we are all better able to cope, pre flylady I would have screamed and yelled at everyone, we would have been angry and resentful with each other for days afterward and I would still have had to clean the mess up. I would not have gotten any rest and I would have made everyone pay for all the work that I had to do with cutting remarks and dirty looks. My family does not know that you have helped them have a nicer mother and wife, but they enjoy her much more.

I am off to pick up toys and get the baby settled for her nap now and then back to the cleaning with my list of blessings running through my mind. Perhaps tonight I will tell my husband how blessed I feel to have him in my life, I do not do it nearly often enough.

Blessed Be,
Flybaby in Wyoming

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by themoments that take our breath away!

FlyLady here: I am very proud of her for not becoming the martyr and blowing up. She showed her children and husband that she can remain calm and get things done. Keep in mind that your family cannot read your mind and they are as much a Sidetracked person as you are. They just don't have the tools yet. She could have asked them but that was not in her testimonial. I have an idea on how for this not to happen to any of you and I am going to use this incident as an example. It is time that she sat her family down at a meeting and told them how sad she was when she came home to find the house destroyed. It is always more fun to have a discussing in the past tense.

This is not being a martyr this is standing up for yourself. You do this in a calm fashion with your simple Control Journal in your hand.

Having your Control Journal on the counter also helps your family see exactly what you do each day. This really does help to give them some idea of what to do while you are away. BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM! YOUCAN'T KEEP FLYLADY A SECRET. If your family does not see you using it; then they won't know how to use it to keep the house from falling apart. After all they are sidetracked too. They don't know where to start either. You could also tell them about our timer and some of our little sayings and routines: You can do anything for 15 minutes, 27 Fling Boogies, Crisis Cleaning 101 and Keeping your kitchen sink clean and shiny. Next time you have to leave for four days ask your family for their assistance in keeping the house in order. They may not do it but they could do crisis cleaning just before you get home. Either way you have made a request and have given them to tools to accomplish this. After all if you don't ask then it is certain that they will not keep the house clean.